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Original poster

Moments of utter despair

30 replies

dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 17:24

Last year shortly before Covid hit I had a bit of a breakdown at work, they were all very kind and I went back feeling a bit better, but just all of a sudden would have these moments of feeling panicky, but also completely drained and in despair, there was no trigger for them.

Shortly after, lockdowns happened, and although I was worried about getting Covid, I didn't feel too bad.
Fast forward to now, and I'm feeling those horrible feelings again, I could just be doing something normal- loading the dishwasher, putting my shoes on, anything, and I just feel this completely empty feeling- like life has no point at all, just a horrible moment of despair.
I've been on anti depressants for a long time for anxiety, and they take the edge off, but what I'm feeling isn't anxiety, it's just indescribable.
I don't even know why I'm posting, I guess I just need to get it off my chest, and want to know if anyone ever feels like this

OP posts:
FabriqueBelgique · 13/12/2021 17:27

It’s depression Flowers

I’ve definitely had many moments like that. Tell your GP, you might need to switch medication?

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 17:34

I may need to ask my gp to switch meds, I'm on sertraline and pregablin

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 13/12/2021 17:34

Oh dear, OP. I suspect maybe you just think too much. Luckily, I've never been struck by dark thoughts, but maybe that's because I keep busy. (Not physically, necessarily, I'm as lazy as the next person!) I listen to lovely music, read, chat to friends, watch comedy shows, play with the dog... I think it's a case of keeping the mind occupied with happy thoughts.

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 17:37

@Dillydollydingdong

Oh dear, OP. I suspect maybe you just think too much. Luckily, I've never been struck by dark thoughts, but maybe that's because I keep busy. (Not physically, necessarily, I'm as lazy as the next person!) I listen to lovely music, read, chat to friends, watch comedy shows, play with the dog... I think it's a case of keeping the mind occupied with happy thoughts.
I try to stay positive, but the feelings just come out of nowhere, like I feel ok, then all of a sudden a dark cloud comes over me and life feels bleak. I do run, that helps a bit, I have four kids who I worry about all the time- any issues they have I worry about, which doesn't help I guess
OP posts:
runningwithscissorsx · 13/12/2021 17:39

Definitely sounds like depression.
Doesn't sound like your meds are helping anymore - speak to a doctor. No one should go through life feeling like that....

Hope you get it sorted x

QuestionNumberOne · 13/12/2021 17:46

How old are you OP? Just thinking perimenopause maybe?

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 17:50

@QuestionNumberOne

How old are you OP? Just thinking perimenopause maybe?
I'm 39, 40 in April
OP posts:
QuestionNumberOne · 13/12/2021 17:54

Could be worth having your hormone levels checked. You are a bit young for it but it’s not unheard of.

But definitely speak to your doctor again re meds, either way. You haven’t mentioned therapy, are you having any?

Cissyandflora · 13/12/2021 17:56

I can relate. I feel like this often and lately more than for a long time. I feel it’s linked to my anxiety. Although when I was young I had it and thought of it as depression. I feel like I don’t have the same joy anymore. And a sort of dread. Sorry op I’m not much use.

Lacedwithgrace · 13/12/2021 18:09

Happy thoughts won't necessarily make you feel better, so don't worry that you're doing something wrong. Speak to your GP. Your meds might not be working as well if you're in perimenopause.

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 18:09

@QuestionNumberOne

Could be worth having your hormone levels checked. You are a bit young for it but it’s not unheard of.

But definitely speak to your doctor again re meds, either way. You haven’t mentioned therapy, are you having any?

No therapy, I've just been trying to get by on the meds.
OP posts:
Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 18:11

@Cissyandflora

I can relate. I feel like this often and lately more than for a long time. I feel it’s linked to my anxiety. Although when I was young I had it and thought of it as depression. I feel like I don’t have the same joy anymore. And a sort of dread. Sorry op I’m not much use.
You are helping alot actually, every reply is, I don't really have any friends, so being able to tell people on here, and them responding means alot
OP posts:
QuestionNumberOne · 13/12/2021 18:17

Why not investigate therapy? I’m a big believer in throwing every possible solution at a problem. Particularly if you don’t have people to talk to in RL.

(The ‘think happy thoughts’ poster was trying to help I’m sure, but it’s kind of like asking a person who’s broken their ankle to do a little jig to fix it…!)

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 13/12/2021 18:26

@QuestionNumberOne

Why not investigate therapy? I’m a big believer in throwing every possible solution at a problem. Particularly if you don’t have people to talk to in RL.

(The ‘think happy thoughts’ poster was trying to help I’m sure, but it’s kind of like asking a person who’s broken their ankle to do a little jig to fix it…!)

Would I be able to get therapy on the NHS? I don't think I could afford private therapy
OP posts:
stormyalphabet · 13/12/2021 18:57

@Dillydollydingdong

Oh dear, OP. I suspect maybe you just think too much. Luckily, I've never been struck by dark thoughts, but maybe that's because I keep busy. (Not physically, necessarily, I'm as lazy as the next person!) I listen to lovely music, read, chat to friends, watch comedy shows, play with the dog... I think it's a case of keeping the mind occupied with happy thoughts.
Just no.

OP it sounds like depression. Speaking with your GP is the way to go. Not just trying to "busy yourself".

stormyalphabet · 13/12/2021 18:58

And yes OP you can get CBT on the NhS. Just need to ask GP about your local service and be prepared to sit on a waiting list for a while.

runningwithscissorsx · 13/12/2021 19:03

You can do a self referral on

www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

xxx

runningwithscissorsx · 13/12/2021 19:06

You can do a self referral. Just Google search IAPT self referral and it'll take you to the NHS website...
xxx

QuestionNumberOne · 13/12/2021 19:36

As PPs have said, there are some services available on the NHS. Also most therapists do sliding scale fees.

QuestionNumberOne · 16/12/2021 09:38

How are you doing OP?

Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 19/12/2021 15:21

@QuestionNumberOne

How are you doing OP?
Just feeling really low still.
OP posts:
Felsham · 19/12/2021 15:31

@Dillydollydingdong

Oh dear, OP. I suspect maybe you just think too much. Luckily, I've never been struck by dark thoughts, but maybe that's because I keep busy. (Not physically, necessarily, I'm as lazy as the next person!) I listen to lovely music, read, chat to friends, watch comedy shows, play with the dog... I think it's a case of keeping the mind occupied with happy thoughts.
Just do not take any notice of this toxic positivity. I get bubbles of existential crisis too. Go back and see your GP to discuss your meds. I suspect you would benefit from counselling but you'll get little help from the NHS. Investigate what's available privately, you can source cheaper, especially online sessions. Don't be scared of it, show yourself compassion. Keep a diary for a bit, notice if there's a part of your cycle when it's more likely to happen. Good luck.
Original poster
dontforgettofloss · 19/12/2021 15:36

Thank you felsham the only thing available in my area is the well-being service, which I've tried before and all they offered was webinars and a large group meeting on how to deal with general stress, I think I may have to look into private therapy.

OP posts:
peaceanddove · 19/12/2021 16:49

It's no coincidence that you're suddenly feeling like this and you're turning 40. I would bet that you're entering the peri menopause and that fluctuating hormones (estrogen in particular) are causing these awful mood dips. I experienced exactly the same about 7-8 years ago as I turned 43, and my periods suddenly became a bit erratic.

There's no point having your hormone levels tested because they fluctuate all the time anyway, and it's the fluctuations that cause these nasty symptoms.

Muddlebubble · 19/12/2021 16:56

I have/had these, mostly at nught utter dread comes over me. Ive been on antidepressants for many years. Ago 2 months ago i decided to up the dose and its gone again. But what you described is exactly what i had it is a horrible feeling