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Original poster

My mum is being horrible

19 replies

FirstPregnancy88 · 13/12/2021 14:59

I'm pregnant with my first child just found out a month ago,
I was extremely sick for nearly two years with severe sciatica, I had back surgery in May 2021 and have been recovering since.

I have an estranged relationship with my father as he has done some unforgivable things, and I have had the hardest year of my life this year and saw the true colours of my family.

I did a pregnancy test last week and told my mum I'm pregnant she immediately told me to get rid of it secretly and not tell my husband. I am 28 and married. She has not continued to not look at me and be unreasonably horrible to me. I am living in her house with my husband due to being sick and not working, I start my dream job in January and just found out I'm pregnant after nearly dying from being sick. I know that my mother is not a normal person and she is not a nice person but this is really affecting me, why can't she just be happy for me. I dont intend on bringing my child into this house and my parents don't support me financially at all I help them out in all aspects. I need some advice because I have no emotional support from her.

OP posts:

35andThriving · 13/12/2021 19:41

I am sorry this is happening to you. My own mother was extremely mean to me during my own pregnancy, so I understand a little of what you are going through....I also have disabilities which made pregnancy difficult.

Sorry, I am not sure if you would like to continue your pregnancy based on your post.

I would absolutely seek support for yourself outside of your mother. Your doctor will be able to help you. Speak to your husband, if you believe he will be supportive. You don't have to continue with this pregnancy if you don't want to.

Hopefully, somebody else will be along to give more advice.

As far as mothers being unkind to their daughters though, whilst they are pregnant, I read a thread on gransnet the other day... A lot of people were sharing their experiences of their mothers being cruel. It made me feel like it was not as uncommon as I'd thought. It made me feel not so alone in the experience.

Take care.

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2021 19:43

How soon can you move out?
I think that's the only thing that will help. Have you told your husband you are pregnant? If not, do that right away

Darkpheonix · 13/12/2021 19:47

You need to move out ASAP.

Trying to be kind, it's not an ideal situation to be pregnant in. Living in a toxic household, starting a a new job etc.

Is she usually decent? I assume so if you have stayed living with her?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy Relationship problems

MadMadMadamMim · 13/12/2021 19:52

Your priority needs to be finding a roof over your head that doesn't include your mother under it.

Is there anywhere else you can go?

Motheroftigers · 13/12/2021 19:53

Hi OP, can I ask why you nearly died through being sick? What illness did you have?

Is your DH working? Are you contributing to the house hold bills or are both being supported by your mother.

I dont know about your mother but i too would be concerned if my dd had just had serious back surgery, had just nearly died through illness, didn't have any income coming in, was living at my house with her DH because of lack of funds and was now pregnant.

MrsPsmalls · 13/12/2021 20:08

@Motheroftigers

Hi OP, can I ask why you nearly died through being sick? What illness did you have?

Is your DH working? Are you contributing to the house hold bills or are both being supported by your mother.

Yup this exactly. Why would your Mum think this is a good start for a baby? And presumably she is not horrible as she is letting you live with her. How do you plan to work in your dream job now you are pregnant?

MaybeAMoaner · 13/12/2021 20:14

Hmmm. We are only hearing your side of the story here.

Your mother must be nice if she’s allowing you to stay at her house.

The fact you say your DH is off sick and you’re about to start a new job that does ring alarm bells.
Perhaps she’s worried you therefore will end up living with her forever with a baby and no income.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 13/12/2021 22:01

@MaybeAMoaner

Hmmm. We are only hearing your side of the story here.

Your mother must be nice if she’s allowing you to stay at her house.

Not necessarily nice just because she's letting her stay there, she could be enjoying the control she has over her and/or knowing her every move.

Darkpheonix · 13/12/2021 22:09

But then the mum was the first person she told about the pregnancy. That also suggests at least a decent relationship.

Original poster

FirstPregnancy88 · 14/12/2021 16:23

Thank you for your message, I feel as if she is scared she is losing me as i support her a lot and now I’m starting my own family she won’t be my priority.

OP posts:

Original poster

FirstPregnancy88 · 14/12/2021 16:25

I was of sick not my husband, we do a lot in the house including pay rent. We clean do the garden my parents don’t even pick up a hover. They have used me as a maid for years and because I couldn’t clean or do things when I was sick bullied me. My husband works full time and is getting another job to be able to pay the rent. I had back surgery due to an injury and was bed bound for 7 months due to extreme pain.

OP posts:

lynntheyresexpeople · 14/12/2021 16:28

Maybe she's worried about timing if you're about to start your dream job? Or that it'll effect your back so soon after surgery?

Original poster

FirstPregnancy88 · 14/12/2021 16:29

I nearly died due to continued use of opioids and pain, I didn’t want to live anymore.
I was living out of the house before I got ill and came back as my mum manipulated me to help her “manage the household” she does not help me of my husband financially, I do most the cleaning and cook for 6+ people most days.I honestly believe my sickness stemmed from going back into that household and being treated like a maid since I was 11 years old. My husband works but his wage cannot contribute to rent in London. We are now planning to leave which was always the plan and she knows this. She is acting like a child because her maid is leaving, I even clean her room for her as she is incapable of cleaning.

OP posts:

Original poster

FirstPregnancy88 · 14/12/2021 16:31

My doctors and physio say there’s no reason I can’t carry the baby, to me this is a miracle having not being able to get pregnant previously. This may be my only chance to have a child as I have had fertility issues.

OP posts:

Original poster

FirstPregnancy88 · 14/12/2021 16:33

People make things work, god always has a plan for us

OP posts:

FourTeaFallOut · 14/12/2021 16:36

Congratulations!

Now you and your DH need to move out. And when you do you'll get a better perspective of how to move forward, or not, with the relationship you have with your DM.

lynntheyresexpeople · 14/12/2021 16:36

@FirstPregnancy88

People make things work, god always has a plan for us

You need to make things work out of your mums home. You say she manipulated you to move back - but that your DH can't afford rent either? So which is it? Move out, and all your problems are solved.

FourTeaFallOut · 14/12/2021 16:41

God doesn't have a housing plan for you. You need to sit down and work it out for yourself.

Darkpheonix · 14/12/2021 17:45

@FirstPregnancy88

People make things work, god always has a plan for us

God isn't going to provide housing.

Alot of this doesn't make sense.

They have treated you as a maid from 11. You moved out, but moved back in to resume your 'maid' duties. Despite being able to afford to maintain your own home.

But to get out again, you will be working and your husband will need to have 2 jobs.

When will he see the baby? How will you balance working and looking after the child if he is working 2 jobs?

How will you survive on mat leave as you won't even get SMP?

You suffer ill health, recently suicidal and nearly died from opioid use, your husband needs 2 jobs in addition to yours to pay bills. I can see why your mum is concerned.

I am not saying your mum is perfect. But I suspect her side of the story is very different. And I can see why she is concerned.

You think God will resolve everything. If so, why has he not sought to resolve the situation you are in?

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