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Original poster

Would this put you off having a second?

30 replies

milkandone · 13/12/2021 00:06

Just looking for some opinions on this please.
DH and I have been discussing the possibility of trying for a second DC.
We are both keen to have a small age gap, DC is 2, but the only thing giving him reservations is the fact that we only have two bedrooms so both DC will have to share when DC2 moves out of our room. We currently rent and aren't in a position to move to somewhere bigger (and more expensive) or buy and won't be for at least a couple of years yet.
I shared with my sister growing up so to me it doesn't seem like an issue but I suppose if they were different genders it could become one.
would it put you off trying for now? Should we wait until we can eventually afford to move even if we don't really know when that may be?
For what it's worth I'm 29 and DH is 31.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 13/12/2021 00:35

If you want another child then go for it. Don't make excuses not to. You are still young and can afford to wait but having your family close together is a nice thing, and how do you know you won't have problems conceiving?
What do I know... I had three children in four years because we tried without success for years. If I could have had them when I wanted them I would have spaced them out a bit more. We managed, but we did get a loft conversion :)
Only you really know what you can afford.

Thatsplentyjack · 13/12/2021 00:38

Well I have 3 in a 2 bed at the moment and they don't have small age gaps! 2 will be fine. I know people who shared until they left home.

timeisnotaline · 13/12/2021 00:41

We have two sharing, they will have to share till oldest is about 15/16 probably. I guess they are both the same sex, I would want to upgrade earlier, probably before oldest hit teens if they were different sexes. I don’t have any issues with primary school dc having to share a bedroom, i think it’s probably good for them.

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Original poster
milkandone · 13/12/2021 00:46

@Thatsplentyjack

Well I have 3 in a 2 bed at the moment and they don't have small age gaps! 2 will be fine. I know people who shared until they left home.
Thanks, yes my sister and I did also and its made us really close as adults. I think because my DH didn't have to share it just isn't the norm for him.
OP posts:
Maxiedog123 · 13/12/2021 01:49

If they are going to share, perfectly normal by the way, better to be closer in age surely

LittleRedLeaf · 13/12/2021 01:53

We have space for them to have a room each but ours will share until they're quite a bit older (maybe 8 and 10). It's nice for small children to share a room I think - I shared with my sister until we were about 10 and DH shared with his brother until I started accompanying him back to his family for visits and then we used the guest room.

ILikeYourButt · 13/12/2021 02:04

I personally wouldn’t have more kids than I have bedrooms but that’s an unpopular opinion around here.

You never know if one is going to be a shit sleeper or like their own space or have ASD and need their own bedroom etc.

Fallagain · 13/12/2021 02:27

I wouldn’t.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 13/12/2021 02:56

@ILikeYourButt

I personally wouldn’t have more kids than I have bedrooms but that’s an unpopular opinion around here.

You never know if one is going to be a shit sleeper or like their own space or have ASD and need their own bedroom etc.

So what happens of you (unexpectedly) had multiples?

I think it's fine, no problem sharing til 8 or so, longer if same sex. The fact that you would consider not having another for this reason would make me question how much you actually wanted a second child though.

ILikeYourButt · 13/12/2021 03:18

Like I said, it’s just my own opinion. I personally wouldn’t have multiples.

Ragwort · 13/12/2021 04:05

Personally I wouldn't, but I like my own space & don't even want to share with my DH so the idea of not having a spare room would be a challenge for me ... but also I never had a yearning for a second DC. I know plenty of DC share but it hard when they need space for homework, seeing their friends etc.

lousanne · 13/12/2021 04:29

No way, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't even have one child if I was renting, unless I was over 35 yo. But then I would only have one.

(Not saying I'm correct or anyone should follow my suit, this is purely personal preference).

Jobsharenightmare · 13/12/2021 04:38

The children were allowed to choose their room configuration here and until puberty three of them wanted to share a room (mixed sex). Don't wait just because of rooms, but do think about quality of life and plan for how you can meet your financial goals and how compatible another child is with them at different stages.

Raggeo · 13/12/2021 04:48

I'm in a small 2 bed house with a toddler and a newborn. We are hoping to buy somewhere bigger within the next year but I'm not so young and didn't want to wait before having my second. The bedrooms aren't an issue yet but the general lack of space is stressful for me. There is baby stuff and toddler toys everywhere! We don't have an excessive amount of stuff but the small living space and lack of storage means it gets chaotic very quickly. It would never have put me off having my 2nd but definitely worth thinking about having a clear out and look at storage options.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 13/12/2021 05:00

Mine share a room, on of each sex, 3y3m age gap, big one just turned 8. Hopefully next year will be the year they get their own rooms. I'm also a landlord, all of my houses have 2 bedrooms, most of my tenants have had 2 children, some had none at the start of their tenancies, one family left aft5they had their 3rd.

Iwab82 · 13/12/2021 05:04

Personally I would because having a family would be my top priority and I don't see sharing rooms at primary age being a big deal. But, if the youngest doesn't sleep well you have to be prepared to share a room with them for years otherwise oldest child will get woken up every night. Also, what impact will having a second have on buying your own place, will extra nursery fees or lower earnings due to working less hours set you back? Also, if you had twins, could you cope?

Retrorose · 13/12/2021 07:09

We had 2 in a tiny 2 bed. Saved up and bought a 4 bed house. They refuse to have their own rooms and want to share 🤷🏼‍♀️

Moaningturtle · 13/12/2021 07:20

Only just gone from a 2 bed to 3 bed. My boys shared until 12 and 9. It was getting a bit….violent….towards the end though…Confused

meh12 · 13/12/2021 07:50

I do think it's better for kids to have their own bedroom, that would stop me having 3 kids in a 3 bed, but I think a single sibling brings enough benefit to the eldest to outweigh the benefit of a bedroom on their own (I don't think that for additional siblings).

So yes I would, especially if you think you could move in future, and I'd prioritise the age gap over the move.

Marshwawows · 13/12/2021 07:52

I think it helps to have own rooms when they are teens, not necessarily before.

SmurfetteBlue · 13/12/2021 07:54

I have 2 close in age and we are in a 4 bed. They've chosen to have bunk beds and share even when they have the option of their own room. Don't think it's a problem until they're older and want their own space 🙂

ImInStealthMode · 13/12/2021 07:59

It's fine OP. I know of at least two families who have the space for a bedroom each but where the DC choose to share anyway.

twinkletoedelephant · 13/12/2021 08:03

I'm 42 and have never had my own bedroom..... I survived.

WakeUpLockie · 13/12/2021 08:06

I would (did). We're about to have 3 in a 3 bed which wasn't the plan but will be fine. If you wanted a small gap though you're a bit late, 2.5-3 years is a pretty standard gap! Good luck!

mowglika · 13/12/2021 08:10

There’s nothing wrong with siblings sharing, especially when they’re young. Like pps we have enough bedrooms for each child but our dc share and will do until they express a desire to have separate rooms. You have years until that happens, kids generally like sharing in the early years.

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