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Original poster

What happens when you give notice of intention to marry?

24 replies

Awkwardusername · 12/12/2021 23:52

My partner and I have an appointment next week, and I’ve been told they ask a few questions etc but what sort of thing will they ask?! Do I need to revise every family holiday he’s been on since he was born or will his date of birth do?

Any help or guidance would be appreciated, thank you!

OP posts:

TallulahsCurse · 12/12/2021 23:59

As I remember it's pretty simple - each other's full names, dates of birth, possibly place of birth, occupation and that's about it I think!

If you don't know the answers without revising them first you definitely shouldn't be giving your notice to marry yet!

Original poster

Awkwardusername · 13/12/2021 00:01

@TallulahsCurse

As I remember it's pretty simple - each other's full names, dates of birth, possibly place of birth, occupation and that's about it I think!

If you don't know the answers without revising them first you definitely shouldn't be giving your notice to marry yet!

I was joking about the revision haha!

Thank you!

OP posts:

TallulahsCurse · 13/12/2021 00:04

It's all pretty simple, don't worry.

We actually had a chat after with the registrar who was doing ours because I was surprised at how brief the questions were - she said it isn't actually anything to do with if people know the answers or not. If it's a forced marriage people will know the answers as they obviously would be under pressure to say the correct thing. She said that they look out for how people answer and theyre trained to look for all the signs, some of which are very subtle she said, of if someone is being coerced into marriage.

So if you're going into it with good intentions you could get an answer wrong and it wouldn't matter - that isn't what they're after.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 13/12/2021 00:10

Pretty straightforward. IIRC the registrar who interviewed me & DH said answering all questions without hesitation can be a warning sign. They look at body language too.

DH forgot my birthday and gave my occupation as just a mum! He did apologise though, and we "passed" but she did ask me if I wanted to reconsider after the just a mum 😂

BabyDreamsz · 13/12/2021 00:20

Do they ask questions separately or both people together?

BabyDreamsz · 13/12/2021 00:21

23:52Awkwardusername

How long did it take from emailing them and getting a date for interview?

TallulahsCurse · 13/12/2021 00:42

@BabyDreamsz

Do they ask questions separately or both people together?

We were together in the same room

Snugglepumpkin · 13/12/2021 00:43

It doesn't matter.
My ex took me in when I'd been put on medication (for depression due to being severely abused) that meant I didn't know what year it was & became extremely passive.

When I didn't know the answers to any of the questions like what day is it today, when do you want to get married etc... they left the room for a bit, came back & just approved it all anyway based on what he said.
I told them I didn't want to be here & it was nothing to do with me.
Apparently that is consent in the UK.
I actually thought that saying that would mean they would refuse it but apparently that didn't work.

I didn't actually know I was supposed to be getting married the day I did.
I was taken there in my normal everyday clothes because I didn't know where I was being taken.
I actually begged him not to make me marry him standing right outside the doors of the registry office, but he shoved me in the door anyway.
I told the registrar people to get a move on as I didn't want to be there or near any of the people in the room which was about as much energy to refuse as I could manage on the drugs they'd put me on which were way too strong for me & they still went ahead despite the fact I didn't even know any of the people in the room apart from my ex.
They actually stripped down the thing & just did the absolute legal minimum without any of the nice words.
I didn't know what to do at that point so I just went along with it because nobody was listening to me.

The interview is supposed to protect you from that sort of thing, but they don't give a toss.

My supposed 'new husband' & his family then pissed off to a different city to celebrate him getting married & I didn't see him until the next day or maybe the day after.
The registry office people watched me leave on foot after they'd all gone & left me there alone.
I will never believe they didn't notice.
I was left to make my own way home & didn't really know what to do so I bought a pair of jeans on the way to the taxi rank.

On the plus side, the taxi driver who drove me home gave me a free ride as she reckoned it had to be the worst wedding she'd ever heard of.

I haven't remembered it wrong by the way, I got in a LOT of trouble for trying to get out of it & not being grateful to have been married over the next couple of years.

Just in case you are wondering, he was white, born in the UK, had a full British passport & citizenship & til the day I die I'll never understand why he did it.

Original poster

Awkwardusername · 13/12/2021 07:22

@BabyDreamsz I rang rather than emailed, but we got an appointment within three weeks (North East). They did offer us one sooner but I couldn’t get out of work!

OP posts:

GoodVibesHere · 13/12/2021 07:25

We were interviewed separately. This was 2 yrs ago

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 13/12/2021 07:32

We're were interviewed separately ten years ago. I forgot what year DH was born in

piglet81 · 13/12/2021 07:34

@Snugglepumpkin that’s horrendous. I’m so sorry. Are you safe now?

asnippersdream · 13/12/2021 07:38

We were interviewed separately, it was ten years ago though.

YouveBeenLittUp · 13/12/2021 07:43

Mines was done during COVID times but we just got forms to fill in and post back. Just asked basic questions about us, our jobs, date of birth etc. Asked some questions about our parents and their jobs too.

Snugglepumpkin · 16/12/2021 14:13

@piglet81 I never seem to get notifications so I've only just noticed that.

I'm more than fine.
He ran off taking everything just over a decade ago & my life has been better every single day since.

I've long since cleared all the debts he left me which took a fair few years & I'm on the way up :-)

Original poster

Awkwardusername · 24/12/2021 09:56

Just as an update, it took a little under an hour! I was taken into a room and asked all the information about me, my partner and my parents. My partner was taken in, asked about his parents and then just confirmed my information!

Only took so long because the lady and I were gossiping!

OP posts:

maya71 · 24/12/2021 10:03

I've never heard òf notice of intent to marry. What is that???

Faircastle · 24/12/2021 10:11

I've never heard of this before. DH and I didn't have to do this when we got married, although it was two decades ago. There was no registrar involved at any point, before or during.

We did have to attend a marriage preparation course, which included us both (separately) filling out a questionnaire.

tectonicplates · 24/12/2021 12:31

Interesting. I was told on here that we'd be interviewed separately, but actually we were interviewed together. The guy asked us if we were related to each other . When I originally phoned up to book the appointment, the very first question they asked me was my nationality and my DH-to-be's nationality. We live in a very multicultural part of London so it's a bog standard question around here. Maybe it's different in different parts of the country.

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 24/12/2021 12:39

It's the secular version of having your banns read. It's to give people time to object etc.

Shmithecat2 · 24/12/2021 12:40

@maya71

I've never heard òf notice of intent to marry. What is that???

It's the civil equivalent of the reading of banns in church if you're having a church wedding. Basically, a legally required public notice that you're intending to get married.

Shmithecat2 · 24/12/2021 12:43

10 years ago now, but dh and I were interviewed together. And we brought his Nana along (she was staying with us at the time). Good job really because DH was asked what his dad's full name was. FIL has 3 middle names and Nana had to remind DH what order they were in 😂.

RosesAndHellebores · 24/12/2021 12:43

Gosh.
We had to provide our christening certificates and have a meeting about marriage with the vicar during which we drank sherry and talked about his grandchildren and France because he said we were sensible.

shinynewapple21 · 24/12/2021 15:16

That sounded horrendous @Snugglepumpkin glad things are better for you now

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