How to feel you belong?

[FeelingSoDisconnected]

I was hoping someone here could give me some advice.

I had a young, short marriage and have been divorced for decades. Romances after that were short-lived and I have happily single for years. I have no desire to marry. I was very work-focused and successful in my career and this filled my life. I have very few friends and those I have are scattered around the world, so contact is sporadic and no one is especially close. My closest one lives the opposite end to the country, so pre-covid I only saw her a few times a year, and now haven’t seen her for much longer.

Now comes the problem. A couple of years ago my sister died. We weren’t amazingly close, but the she was my last living family, and this has caused my more heartache than the actual bereavement. Then came covid and the world changed; I weathered the lockdowns as I was still working full-time and everything was flat-out, but it has made me reflect on my work-life balance (amongst other things) and I have been able to take very early retirement due to the legacy from my sister.

But nearly a year into retirement I feel totally adrift. I fill my time easily and am not bored as I volunteer, exercise, craft, dog-walk etc. but I have no real connections, I don’t feel lonely as such, I just don’t ‘belong’ and I feel so isolated. This will the third Christmas I spend totally alone – the first as I was grieving too hard to want to spend it with acquaintances who offered, then last Christmas was locked down – and think this is part of why I’m feeling as I do now. But I have been feeling like this from the very start of retirement.

So has anyone got some suggestions of how to make real connections, how can I feel I belong?

What sort of volunteering do you do? Is it group or team based or more solo? I wonder if a team based volunteering would build more of a community feeling.

I have a thread in Chat right now on finding purpose to your life, but it could just as well have been this one. And I am married with DC, yet still feel strangely adrift and unmoored in the pandemic, due to certain reasons.

My suggestion would be to do some part-time work or try to make new friends? I know the second is hard in a pandemic. I do have a number of single/child-free friends though-sadly most in other countries- and I really value them. Their conversation is often so much more interesting.

Book clubs? I find they are quite good for skipping polite small talk and going straight to talking about apartheid!

I feel quite scared about this, even though I still have family. I'm facing divorce and imminent empty nesting, and I've realised I have few if any close friends. I'm seriously thinking of getting involved in the local church.

Get back to work....trust me! Unless you have a very full life, giving up work can be a huge mistake. My late father took early retirement and it was a disaster.

Thank you for your suggestions everyone.
Maybe going back to work part-time might be the way forward at the moment. It was hard making work friends in my old job due to my senior role, but I would need to go back in a much more junior role if I am part-time.
Book groups sound good, and I'm googling the WI! But making new friends at 52, in the current situation is tough.

Sports are a lovely way to meet others - running club, yoga, netball, ballet (Google 'silver swans'), etc. 52 is young!

It helps to have a shared connection through life circumstance, hobby, work, volunteering, but I think you also have to make a lot of effort to build relationships. The more you put in the more you get out. Hosting, organsing. If you are into sports, Walking Netball is a good shout.