My son is making me mad!

[butterbelle]

Hi everyone, I really need some advice. My 13 year old son is being extremely rude and disrespectful towards me and the rest of the family. He is always on the PS4 in his room talking to his friends, and we hardly ever see him. When we ask him to come off to eat, he gets angry and asks for extra time to finish. I always make sure he has breakfast because I don’t want him going straight to the games first thing in the morning. He sits on the game all day, and I have caught him playing late at night multiple times when he thought I was asleep. Our son is only allowed to play on the weekends, but I have caught him trying to play after school. He has also always been super fussy when it comes to food, and will only eat a small range of foods and it’s a nightmare getting him to try anything new. He has been fussy since he was a toddler, and he hates cheese, and would probably play on the Playstation 24/7 and only eat unhealthy food and sweets if we let him. I’m really worried about him as he is very skinny and only 38kg, (he’s 5’4), and will only eat pasta, salmon, sausage rolls, chicken nuggets, chips, fish fingers, pot noodles, hot dogs ect. I also find it weird that he asks for pepperoni pizza but takes the pepperoni off, and he says he doesn’t like plain cheese (pizza is the only way to get him to eat cheese). He also had to go to the doctor a few months ago because he was suffering from constipation, and she said no more McDonald’s for a while and that he needs to eat vegetables. It’s really hard getting him to eat veggies but he LOVES fruit and will gobble up every last bit. He also hates going out with us and prefers to stay on the games. I’ve had to take his PlayStation controls several times, sometimes hiding them and sometimes leaving them on the table and expecting him not to touch it. I’ve also taken away the TV plug and the actual console once. He’s also been very rude to his sister, cussing at her and calling me a fat idiot. When he misbehaves, I tell him I will take away his games and then he says he doesn’t care, then he kicks off when I take it away. I’m also concerned about the what affect the video games have on him, and his rudeness. I also think he’s spending too much time with his friends, some who are a bad influence. Please help, we don’t know what to do or say anymore.

Why can’t he play after he’s done homework for a couple of hours on a weekday?
Be firm with him playing after he’s meant to be in bed, take the console away.

Why does he ask for more time to eat? Can he not just sit at the table and eat however slowly then take his plate to the kitchen.. does he need a certain amount of time to eat?

Make sure his games are age appropriate, a 13 year old shouldn’t be laying grand theft auto for example. Enforce boundaries now because the teen hurricane is about to hit and it last for a good few years.

If my child called me a fat idiot, the console would be in the bin!

That said, I don't really limit console use in their free time. If they were rude to me when asked to come off, it would be taken away and they know this. Meal times is a separate issue to the console.

I meant he asks for extra time to finish a game before lunch or dinner.

I'm confused. He is very fussy but he gobbles up lots of carbs and all fruit. He's always gaming and you never see him but he's not allowed gaming on weekdays. Your main sanction seems to be taking away games so what's your strategy Mon-Fri? How does he reward himself after homework etc? Does he get on with homework independently or do you have to nag him?

It's difficult when you've backed yourself into a corner. Do you have a friend or partner you could sit down with and thrash out some ideas? Then have a good chat with him, out of the house, to reframe the system. It might be worth giving him some concessions on eg weekday gaming. In return you can both expect more respectful language and gain some levers to pull it you need to. Does he do much to help in the house? If not it's worth insisting on that, even if it's just emptying the dishwasher once a day. Or, if he does his chores and homework, eats fruit rather than veg and is sociable apart from at weekends, maybe he's doing a bit better than you think.

I made my son 2 hot dogs the other night and he refused to eat the second one. He used to wrap food up in tissue and hide it at the bottom of the bin, give it to the dog, throw it in the recycling or flush it down the toilet. He will often complain when I buy certain things, like chips, chicken nuggets or take out food and say things like “I don’t like that brand” “it’s the wrong colour” “these nuggets are disgusting I want the other brand” “you buy horrible fat chips”. He will cry if we tell him he has to eat it, or play with the food. He is quite hard to please and it’s hard making a separate meal for him all the time. I went to Morrison’s last week and came back with a big bag of food, including a pepperoni pizza for him and he threw a tantrum and said he wasn’t going to eat Morrison’s food.

I'm sorry but unless he has any additional needs. I'd be telling him he's bloody well eating it. Unless he's going to pay for it Ans shop for. It.
Re games console. My ds was like this. He now gets a '5 min until dinner, lunch whatever' if he's not down. The Internet gets flicked off. At 1st it was full of tantrums then he realised a tantrum lead to the WiFi box being disconnected.
Also we were on sky and in their app you could block like gaming etc between certain hours.

You're tolerating this? He's 13 not 3!