Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How would you handle this? Work Xmas party issue

62 replies

Sinnia · 11/12/2021 11:01

We had our work Xmas meal last night.

I manage a team of around 20 people, my managers were also there. One member of staff I’ve had repeated issues with over the last year (turning up late, gossiping, not pulling their weight)

Towards the end of the evening I was having a conversation with some people on our table about some of the food options (the food was a disaster but it had become a kind of running joke of the night). We were all laughing and joking. Member of staff I’ve had issues with turned around from another table and very loudly shouted

“Oh will you shut the fuck up” at me HmmShock

My table had my managers on it. Two of who looked at me like WTF. I just looked at member of staff and raised my eyebrows.

What would you do about this?

OP posts:
Fleemeister · 11/12/2021 13:07

Get some sort of record that you have dealt with it professionally, even if it's just your notes from your next one to one. Leaving it as the elephant in the room might backfire if you do end up with performance management. You don't want them to be able to spin it in future that it was just a light hearted drunken slip up that you took too personally.

AChickenCalledDaal · 11/12/2021 13:10

If it was a one off, I'd probably let it go but let them know that if they speak to me like that ever again, I will not overlook it.

But as you've already had issues with that member of staff, I'd be more inclined to take it to whatever your first step in disciplinary action is.

Hankunamatata · 11/12/2021 13:13

Do you have an hr section? I would run it past them.

Hankunamatata · 11/12/2021 13:15

I would also speak to member of staff but make sure there is another manager there and ask the person if they would like a colleague with them while you speak to them. Make sure that someone takes notes

maddiemookins16mum · 11/12/2021 13:17

At our party 3 years ago, someone behaved really badly. They got a warning (and banned from Christmas parties).

ChewChewPanda · 11/12/2021 13:20

Work functions are work to all intents and purposes. Take the same approach as if they’d done this in the office to you. Maybe ask about alcohol and signpost support for any issues raised but otherwise whatever your disciplinary approach would suggest based on both that incident and what you’ve done about the others in year. Would probably lead to a formal warning where I am.

Greydove28 · 11/12/2021 13:27

What did you do when she told you to stfu? You should have dealt with it there and then

dibly · 11/12/2021 13:36

I had similar on a recent night out, across the table and in front of the whole team and outgoing boss (boss’s leaving do). Both the shouter and I are managers and our work parties have a tendency to get messy. I just calmly said back ‘f off yourself’ and shut it down, and the night went on, but it really left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn’t take it any further as I’d accepted a new job for a different company that day, but if I hadn’t, I’d have wanted to address it- it felt humiliating and shocking at the time.

As this person is a direct report definitely check out your company’s policies, talk through with your manager and set a formal meeting to discuss the unacceptable behaviour.

So sorry what should have been a fun night ended like this.

AiryFairyLights · 11/12/2021 13:38

Definitely a HR and escalate up to next in command - I don’t think you should say anything personally but push for someone rose to resolve this now - there was enough witnesses including your managers so do everything by the book and recorded now. You do not have to put up with that whether inside the workplace or not. It was a work gathering and they’ve really blotted their copy book now!

CherryRedDMs · 11/12/2021 13:41

It makes no difference where you were, you follow the same procedure as if they had said it in the office during working hours.

peboh · 11/12/2021 13:44

I wouldn't speak to them until you know for sure what your hr policy is regarding conduction at events outside of work. Some companies will follow specific procedures regarding that kind of misconduct. Others wouldn't. In my old job, you wouldn't be able to do anything as it was outside of work. However as others have stated other companies have different policies.
Once you know what you can do, then you need to escalate it from there.

Gazelda · 11/12/2021 13:53

I agree with all those who suggest you don't leave it. Get something in record and give her chance to explain, apologise or further shoot herself in the foot.

needmoreshinys · 11/12/2021 13:57

I am another one who knows of someone being disiplined because of something they did at the Christmas party.

Completely different from a few people going out from work for a few drinks.

Also did the company pay for anything at the party? I think that might decide for me, whether it is a dont ever do that again in private or go the formal route, but either way I would certainly run it past HR

Shedmistress · 11/12/2021 14:00

Personally I'd just get whatever process started or progressed to get rid of them. Have they been there more than 2 years?

Take HR's advice on the process that needs to be followed to get rid.

KeyboardWorriers · 11/12/2021 14:01

I wonder if they had helped sort the meal/knew someone who worked there or similar? I am wondering if you had offended them?

It might be worth asking why, as well as tackling their conduct.

ilovethecold · 11/12/2021 14:03

It was a work event , of course you can discipline him

Crazycrazylady · 11/12/2021 14:04

Verbal warning would be the norm for that in my place .. I honestly wouldn't let her away with that

saraclara · 11/12/2021 14:10

You were right not to address it then. It would have caused difficulties for everyone present. But having checked with HR (if you have one) I'd definitely speak to them on Monday along the lines of what others have said. Especially the bit about how their behaviour was noted and disproved of by those higher up in the company.

blablablack · 11/12/2021 14:12

You should have shit then down right there and then. You were probably so shocked. I'd def pull her in on Monday and have a word. If she's says it was my own time bla bla, it does not matter. It's still not appropriate or very nice.

bringbacksideburns · 11/12/2021 14:14

Have you flagged up their poor performance/ gossiping before?

I would speak to your Line Manager and ask for their support with this - meeting asap with them but not alone as has already been posted.

Did no one react at all when this was said?! How bizarre. Even if the person was blind drunk there’s no excuse.

No idea what the process follows but needs action because they clearly have zero respect for you as a Manager.

Derbee · 11/12/2021 14:21

I think it’s good that you didn’t say anything at the time. A discussion with your line manager, and HR, and then calling the individual in to a meeting with HR present, for whatever formal disciplinary process is allowed would be my choice.

BigFatLiar · 11/12/2021 14:33

Speak to HR.

It was a works event so they need to treat it as such.

threecupsofteaminimum · 11/12/2021 14:37

I'd start exiting them* out of role on performance grounds, knowing I'd have the backing of my managers.

I wouldn't ever mention the office Xmas party.*

This.

thedefinitionofmadness · 11/12/2021 14:42

Log all issues (hopefully you have been) and even more so from now

I think the ball is in their court to apologise first.

BUT first thing monday speak to HR or your own manager and make it their problem. If there's to be a disciplinary process you should not lead it.

TooBigForMyBoots · 11/12/2021 14:46

Wow, she really fucked up there!Xmas Shock What did she do after she shouted @Sinnia?