8 year old daughter is a nightmare

[Cuddlepuddle99]

Since the day she was born there was somthing not right. She was incredibly difficult baby and as she became a toddler her anger outburst got worse, feeding her was difficult and she would rarely do as she was told..

It got to the point where i thought... Is it me? Have i done something wrong? Maybe my parenting is awful...

Until my 2nd was born a year later . My 2nd was an angel and was litterly text book baby.

Now they are both growing up my 1st behaviour made me think ADHD or somthing else. Cahms rejected her......
(im adhd).

My daughters social worker mentioned trying again as she and i cant see how they can asses a childs needs without seeing her...

Anyway what made me type this today was recently foods shes previously liked she now hate (pepperamis, cheesestrings, sausage rolls).
New clothes shes picked out and worn 2 months ago she now refuses to wear

Ive tried gentle parenting and it wont work, she will flip out over minor things, also loud noises make her get really angry and she still refuses to go to bed complaining she cant sleep and she doesnt seem to feel sorry if she does somthing wrong and it seems she doesnt have empathy
.
There are lots of other things she does that makes me think shes different

I dont want her to grow up feeling upset or feeling like she hasnt had help i want to understand her to make her life easier and less stressful

I would look at sensory processing stuff. There is a good video on the basics here www.sheffieldchildrens.nhs.uk/services/child-development-and-neurodisability/sensory-processing-difficulties/ you might find that helping her with sensory stuff means that she is less grumpy about everything else? Have sensory difficulties doesn't necessarily mean that your daughter has ADHD, ADD or ASD but it could be an indicator that she might have one or more.

Also the thing which saved my sanity is remembering that behaviour is communication. I.e. if she is being horrible/difficult it is because she doesn't have the tools to manage the situation she is in, and can't explain with words what is going on. She is NOT deliberately winding you up.

No real help, but I wish you luck.
O have just had my dd taken in to temporary Foster care, she has similar issues. She has recently got her adhd diagnosed. So have I, with autism too.
We don't have camhs, but we have ss.
They have simply decided I am a crap parent. Despite my elder child being "ok"
For your dd, fidget toys? Chewelry?
Safe spaces? Weighted blanket?
Apologies if you have tried all of those

I clicked on this thread as we are going through similar with our 8yo DS. Your description at the beginning sounds exactly the same!

In our area the school Senco refers to CAMHS and we are just starting the process now. The wait times are horrendous though, so I think we are going to go for private diagnosis to get some quicker answers.

From what you've said, I'd definitely try again. Do you have a Senco that you can talk to about her behaviour/traits too? Our school actually picked up both ADD and sensory issues before we did; we originally just thought he was a difficult child.

While we go through the process there are a number of things that have been changed at school to help him and we manage as best as we can at home.

Your daughter sounds just like my eight year old. I suspect she may be on the autism spectrum but probably not at the level for a clinical diagnosis…
She definitely has sensory issues and has done since birth and has terrible meltdowns when tired, overwhelmed etc.
The highly sensitive child book was very helpful & helped me reframe some of the behaviours…

It sounds like she needs an autism evaluation. It presents very differently in girls so tends to get diagnosed later. The food and clothing pickiness, being a difficult baby, insomnia, and emotional outbursts are an excellent description of a very common way autism can present in girls.

Ive just bought her a noise machine and that seems to help but its only been 2 days 😅.
She also highly intelligent and i felt when she was younger thr things she wanted to to do things but couldnt due to her size and limited speech.
At school shes on the highest reading level and well above her age.

Im also considering going private., my brother also said to me i should give her an IQ test as she might just be frustrated.