Annoyed at the school?

[CrackersAndPesto]

I called the school and asked to speak to the head of year. Was reassured that the phone call could remain confidential unless it involved safeguarding. It didn't. They were helping dc with something and I just wanted to give a heads up re other factors involved.
I missed the call at work but they left a message. Apparently they were calling to discuss, as requested..... but WITH dc there.
So in a way I am glad that I missed the call as I was expecting an adult conversation and would have been blindsided by dc being there.
I had made clear that there is one line of communication open at our house between myself and dc, hence the need for a confidential chat and that I didn't want that line if communication damaged.
And now, them bringing dc into it, without my knowledge, HAS damaged that. Dc is now annoyed I called the school at all.
Or am I no longer allowed to talk to the school adult to adult now dc is 16??

Why would you want to keep it secret?

If they are 16 they possibly have to have them there to get permission to discuss them. In Scotland 16 is considered adult. I am not sure if that is the same elsewhere.

At 16 I would assume they would involve the child.

They probably feel really uncomfortable about you wanting to speak to them about a 16 year old behind their back.

Yeah. At 16 ( especially if sixth form post GCSE) they will be involved.

In fact, ironically, given what you said in your OP, the only time DC wouldn't be involved at that age would be if you were ringing with a safeguarding concern.

Even at parents evenings pupils attended at my kids school. So yes unless a very narrow set of circumstances they will talk to the student too especially at 16 because it could be a safeguarding issue too

Drip feed.. there is SEN involved. It wasn't behind their back as such, although I can see how that comes across. It is a sensitive matter, dc is very linear in their thinking, and while I don't disagree with their plan of action, I wanted the school.to be aware of other factors dc may not have disclosed, made them aware of, etc.
But fine, I am wrong to be annoyed. At least now I know.

You're not wrong to be annoyed, mainly because it does sound like there has been a miscommunication somewhere. Either you weren't explicit that you didn't want child involved in the conversation OR they weren't explicit that they HAD to involve child in the conversation. Either way it's done now and I'd be looking at ways to repair the situation instead of focussing on what went wrong.