Hi guys,
I’m not a mother, but I was hoping to have a chat with mums as I can’t seem to talk to anyone about this and I’m hoping to have some help/advice from this.
I started caring from the age of 6/7 for my mum and two older siblings. My oldest sibling doesn’t have the genetic condition that me, my mother and other sibling have which class us as special needs.
The conditions that’s linked to it I don’t have whereas my sister has the mental health side of it. My mum does and she also has a lot of physical health side of it.
So basically, since I was 7 I’ve been caring for all of them on my own. My mum takes 30+ tablets a day. There’s a lot she can’t do due to her tablets but there’s a lot she can do. For instance, she can’t do much bending down or reaching.
I now work to support the family and I come home, cook and clean up for them and do shopping.
My mother keeps asking me for various of stuff that she can do herself. She keeps asking me to make her a drink she can do that herself but she keeps asking me to do it. Every time i say why can’t you do it. She says I’m tired and resting.
The problem is she keeps saying to everyone she does a lot. She think she does a lot whereas it’s not. She washes up (badly) she leaves liquid on them after washing up so I always have to redo it.
We live in a three story house with two bathrooms.
I have to sweep up, wash the floor, clean the toilet, bath, wash clothes, change bedding, cook, clean, wash up and we’ve got a lot of rooms in the house.
My mum can do her own top but she keeps asking me to do it whenever I’m doing something. I’m up from 7:00am to 9:00pm looking after them.
My sister goes to college and comes home. They’re always wanting different dinners. I go to town everyday three times. They keep sending me heavy lists altogether. I have to do a bit of my sisters and a bit of my mums then come back a second time for the rest they get into a mood knowing they have to wait for something.
By the time I go and do my shopping the basket is filled up to the max and the backpack is fillet up so I have to get extra bag from the stores.
Which means I have to do my shopping later. What’s worse is the shopping is about five minutes away from our house. I do understand my mum a bit and why she doesn’t go out on her own due to PTSD, anxiety and depression as she was abused. But my sister, she goes to college which is in a city and comes home but if I asked her to go to town and top up the electric with a pay as you go key she gets in a mood and refuses so I end up going.
My mum and sister doesn’t like eating the same thing so they want different things if they ate the same things then my mother and sister would get angry and refuse to eat their dinner. My mum says she does a lot when all she does is wash up badly and do a bit of picking up.
While I’m doing dinner, I’m doing the cleaning and washing clothes. I end up hanging them on the washing line. Afterwards, their dinner is done so I always give them their dinners first they refuse to come and collect them. I then go and give them their dinner and wash up. I usually fall asleep after as I’m too tired to eat.
My oldest sister who doesn’t live here anymore keeps calling me selfish and saying I’m a lazy fat pig.
The other thing is I was really badly ill for two weeks being sick (not COVID) and the washing machine was empty yet they left pile of clothes on the floor. The cups were dirty, the sink was filled to the max. They still expected me to go out and cook dinner. I’m now working part time as well to provide for them.
When my mum is ill she says she can’t do anything yet I do and that’s the same as my sister. Am I being taking advantage of here? Also what advice what you recommend we do have social services but they don’t wanna bother as if I stop looking after them they said they will charge me with neglect baring in mind my mothers in her 50s, my sister is in her 20s I’m almost 21 and I don’t know what to do