My friends and I (mother's of teen dds if that makes any difference) agree that:
- They appear that they don't need you for ages and then when they do, they really do, and it's usually late at night or at a very inconvenient time
and it's really important to be available at that point whatever else is going on in your life at the time.
-They need feeding well and they eat a lot, not necessarily when the rest of the family are eating. I am cooking a lot for my DD and her friends (leave healthy bowls of things in fridge for them to "discover")
-They need a lot of support with education, exam stress, applying for uni etc and then with accommodation.
- I do drive mine around sometimes late at night for safety reasons if she is not with friends (we live in a city where young women can be hassled at night).
- They often use you as an emotional punch bag when they are stressed themselves
- They can rant at you (in a very knowledgeable way) about the injustices of Kurdish oppression one minute, but then need help folding a double duvet cover the next or making a difficult phone call.
- You worry about them driving, drinking, partying, travelling alone or in a group, for the first time. The worry is draining.
- They don't always have a great level of awareness of how selfish they are being sometimes which can be hurtful.
- They can cause a lot of mess even when they have been drilled in doing housework as a child and did it willingly!
_ They need to separate themselves off from you in order to become an independent individual, so they can be horrible to you for that reason, so it's best not to take the negative criticism too personally , keep a sense of humour, and let it wash over you. Don't let it become a negative cycle. They need the reassurance of hearing you say you love them, even when they are being very spikey (they probably need it most when they are at their spikiest!). Also, do some things to boost yourself up, and model stability, positivity, etc (without being too Pollyanna-ish obviously) even if inside you may be feeling quite drained.
- It's good to be aware that life is tough for teens and young adults currently. Climate change and the pandemic are scary and are having a very negative impact on them - it's exhausting buoying them up sometimes and it's a fine line reminding them of the positives without appearing to dismiss their worries - and of course you worry about mh issues, eating disorders, sexual harassment, study pressure and burnout.
^^All of the above is harder and more draining in practice than you might think. Partly because situations arise for the first time and unexpectedly, and you have to think on your feet. And it's hard when they are being bolshy or difficult one minute, and then are funny and excited the next, to keep pace with the roller coaster of emotions!
Disclaimer: I have absolutely zero experience about teen boys.