Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Advice needed

29 replies

Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 15:46

Soo I've just found out I'm pregnant with no3

We had discussed how we would terminate any pregnancy after our 2nd DS was born ad we only want 2 kids.

Well now I don't know if I want an abortion.
DH knows he doesn't want this baby, we cantvreally afford another one if it's not another DS, and we'd only just be able to stretch to a 3rd DS, plus we've only just got back from the brink of divorce I don't think a baby will make us stronger but maybe even make us divorce.

But I just can't help feeling like I'd be murdering my babies Lil Bro/Sis 😫

Has anyone else been in the situ.. what did you do

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 09/12/2021 17:15

Does the we cantvreally afford another one if it's not another DS refers to needing another bedroom?

It is a big decision, and ultimately yours. If you want the baby, have it. You might divorce anyway as you might end up resenting your DH.

If you have the baby you will almost certainly love him or her as much as you love your sons.

Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 17:59

Needing another room is part of it, part of it is that I still have all of DS2 stuff, very little of which would be deemed gender neutral. So very little would be needed beyond necessities which we could just about stretch to.

Right up until the second i saw the lines appear (no wait needed) I didn't want a 3rd nd now I'm torn.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 09/12/2021 18:11

I think you'll be able to reuse most of the baby stuff

You can get all sorts of things second hand - a lot of it will be unused as some parents want to decide how to clothe their child and so on

I can't think of what baby things are completely unsuitable for one sex but not the other

If the maternal instinct has kicked in it might not go away if there is no baby - sorry, that probably doesn't help.

HerRoyalHappiness · 09/12/2021 18:13

If you really want this baby then it doesn't matter if its a girl and you've a lot of boy stuff.
My DS2 slept in a pink moses basket, had a minnie mouse high chair and regularly wore his sisters sleep suits (she was 19 months when he was born. She is tiny, he's huge!)

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 18:15

What methods were you using to not get pregnant?

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 09/12/2021 18:20

What methods were you using to not get pregnant?
How does that help the OP with her decision? :/

Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 18:30

Most stuff says things like "little bro" or similar, I let DH do most of the shopping 🤦🏼‍♀️

We we're using condoms and one must have split which just makes it harder because like does this mean its meant to be?

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 09/12/2021 18:32

What if DS3 or DD1 is the most perfect baby and you and DH love him/her to bits when he/she arrives?

Had you decided on only one baby and DS2 had been an accident, would you have regretted not terminating?

What if scans/tests suggested a condition that would affect the whole family, would you terminate? (An acquaintance was told of a high risk but she had a perfect bonnie baby)

Could you cope if DC3 split you and DH?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 18:33

Because such a conversation is easy for a man to say and stick to. Not so easy for the op to follow it through.

Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 18:57

DH says he can't understand why I was so adamant about terminating if I won't do it now.
I know he's not wrong in his feelings because it was me that said I didn't want anymore, I has a traumatic birth with DS2 (made worse by DH's accidentally out loud first words after he was born) and now I'm basically hoping on a fence I've never been on.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 19:00

Easy for him to say. He won't be actively going through with the procedure.. Maybe suggest he has a vasectomy first.. See if he really will take responsibility for no more dc.. Or is it all down to you...?

MaybeAMoaner · 09/12/2021 19:01

I myself am an accidental 3rd child.
So naturally I’m gonna say KEEP!

I have 3 kids and I couldnt imagine having any less. It’s great.
Remember your children don’t stay young forever. So don’t think of it only as having a baby.
One day you’ll have a 16 year old then a 30 year old etc.

KirstenBlest · 09/12/2021 19:02

Let me guess - something like Thank f* it's a boy! or 'You were meant to have a girl'?

Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 19:09

It was a I wanted a secret until birth he wanted another boy and paid to find out then went mad to show off.... At least that's how it felt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 19:10

Ohh he won't have one.
He was very certain on that when he was unsure if he wanted 2.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 19:19

Well imo you get to decide if you want dc 3.
He sounds like an arse...

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 09/12/2021 19:27

Why would you be previously discussing a future abortion if you are or were taking preventative measures?
That makes no sense!

Its happened now though and sounds as though you'd have to be prepared to be a single mum of 3. Babies aren't expensive, children are! A wise person once told me that having a 3rd was financial suicide. A bigger house, bigger car etc.

Original poster
Mamablayk · 09/12/2021 19:44

It was discussed because I kept having dreams bout it and tried to go on contraception, however covid happened and I've yet to be able to get an appointment face to face and it's impossible to have an implant put in over the phone unfortunately 🤣

A bigger house yes, I'm not allowed to drive due to ptsd surrounding a car accident causing blackouts so a car isn't needed.

I think that's what is making me nervous being a single mum, I'm also slight worried he'd refuse to accept dc3 and not sign the BC, but maybe that's just me trying to villianise him 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamablayk · 10/12/2021 08:35

I don't think it matters what we want anymore anyway.
I've woken up this morning bleeding

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 10/12/2021 08:36

@Mamablayk

I don't think it matters what we want anymore anyway. I've woken up this morning bleeding
I’m sorry to hear this, but keep hoping 💐
Fallagain · 10/12/2021 08:41

How old are you children now. If you don’t have to pay for childcare then they are relatively cheap when young but they become a lot more expensive.

Fallagain · 10/12/2021 08:42

@Mamablayk

I don't think it matters what we want anymore anyway. I've woken up this morning bleeding
I’m sorry to hear this.
Original poster
Mamablayk · 10/12/2021 10:10

The kids are 7 and 2

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 10/12/2021 10:35

Oh you poor thing @Mamablayk. Hope you are OK Flowers

HerRoyalHappiness · 10/12/2021 10:55
Flowers
Swipe left for the next trending thread