So fed up - please come and tell me how to get a grip

[Moonbabby]

I’m absolutely miserable AGAIN. I have no right to have these black moods and yet they keep coming.
I’m stressed, I’ve shouted at my poor beautiful children, and I just want to go sit by myself forever.

I need to know how to snap out of this. I’ve had lots of stress in my life these last few years which is ongoing. I know it’s not proper stress like some people have but it’s hard. No point taking antidepressants as they won’t take away the cause. I tried talking therapies but I just cried for an hour each time and felt worse and then it got cancelled anyway when Covid hit.

I can’t live the rest of my life like this, I’m going to run out of tears soon. I can be fine for weeks and then it just hits me like a ton of bricks.
It’s not right because there are so many people out there with real problems and yet they remain cheerful so why can’t I. I just want to go and hide.

Feel slightly better for writing it out anyway :(

Anti depressants don't take away the cause, but they help enormously to control mood and behaviour. Get in touch with your GP immediately. You cannot subject your DC to this behaviour when medication can make such a difference. They do take three weeks to be fully effective so you need to take them asap.

As PP said, it will be worth taking anti depressants. I went through this, no one serious cause, just the relentlessness of life over a number of years wore me down. The tablets didn't get rid of any of that but made me able to cope, see a way through and keep things in perspective. I only took them for 6 months so not necessary to take them for years and now I can think more clearly I can recognise when I'm starting to become overwhelmed and implement some coping strategies.

The anti depressants deal with the symptoms so that you can deal with the cause. Please take them, you deserve to be ok.

Antidepressants won't take away the cause of your low mood, but will help to stabilise your mood, so that you can then deal with your problems.

I've been on antidepressants for a long time, would prefer to take them for the rest of my life than ever feel as terrible as I once did.

Get the anti depressants. They will work miracles. Then when you are feeling stronger (which will be very soon) you can take steps to tackle the causes. Maybe making changes in your life, maybe some counselling to address past issues.

But remember, even people with perfect lives, perfect childhoods, no stress and a wonderful relationship can still become clinically depressed. There doesn't always have to be a cause or a trigger or something to blame.

It’s not right because there are so many people out there with real problems and yet they remain cheerful so why can’t I. I just want to go and hide.

I think those were pretty much my exact words to my GP when I finally faced up to my delayed PND.

Within a couple of weeks I felt masses better and within six months I didn't need to ADs any more and I've never looked back.

Depression isnt something you can just snap out of, so take the anti depressants!
You'll also find you'll all feel better if you apologise to your kids if you shout at them. They can understand a simple, non scary explanation. ''I'm sorry I shouted at you, I was upset and didnt handle it very well''.

Agree with everyone else. Take the ADs. Best thing I ever did was accept I needed help. I have a much better perspective on life now.

Thank you for being kind. I just feel like it’s giving in taking AD. I know that that is silly but I can’t help how I feel. Also I’m fine 60-70% of the time it’s just the rest of it.
My GP won’t see me so there’s no point ringing. I’m in the process of changing though, maybe the new one will. Thank you.

@Thelnebriati

Depression isnt something you can just snap out of, so take the anti depressants! You'll also find you'll all feel better if you apologise to your kids if you shout at them. They can understand a simple, non scary explanation. ''I'm sorry I shouted at you, I was upset and didnt handle it very well''.

Yes I always apologise and explain that it’s because I’m not feeling very well, but that ill or not it’s not the right way to react. They are such wonderful children, I don’t know how though with a mother like me. They’re everything to me and I feel like I just fail them repeatedly 😢

Think of antidepressants as first aid, like a crutch when you have a broken leg - they don’t heal the leg, but create the conditions where it is able to heal. Then you won’t need it any more

It's not "giving in" to take medication you need. There's absolutely no point in thinking like that op. I know it's hard because I've been there but you have to make yourself do the things that will help. If your doctor recommended antidepressants then try them. What have you got to lose?
Alongside that, consider other things you can do- prioritise getting a good night's sleep, go for a walk or do some exercise you like to lift your mood, try to eat properly nourishing foods.
Believe me I understand, I took medication and it helped me so much. After 18 months I was able to come off it.
You said you feel you fail your children repeatedly. Don't fail them in this. They need you.

Please read dr chatterjee's book
Feel better in 5 and listen to his podcast

These have changed my life - I was similar to you.

@Moonbabby Thu 09-Dec-21 13:18:24
They are such wonderful children, I don’t know how though with a mother like me. They’re everything to me and I feel like I just fail them repeatedly

You aren't failing them. Kids don't need 'perfect' parents! They do need unconditional love, a certain amount of stability, and a parent who is a good role model.
When you make a mistake you don't cover it up and pretend it never happened; you take responsibility, apologise and try to avoid repeating that mistake. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but that's a very valuable lesson for them.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

Please please see a GP and get the ADs.

It’s not giving in. It’s what you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

I understand your reluctance - I also felt I was giving in - but they are life changing. You only need to take them for A few months.

I really worry about mental health in this country while people just cannot see a GP. It seems such a huge risk and so worrying.

I can just say that ADs made me functional again and let me be a better mum. Starting them is not a life sentence and you can taper off them as slowly as you need to. It's just a pill that corrects your serotonin deficiency for a while, or something like that.

Absolutely not “giving in”! Have a word with yourself.

You’d take painkillers for a tension headache caused by muscle stress, right? Then, when you weren’t in pain you’d tackle the cause of the muscle stress.

It’s the same.

There is ABSOLUTELY a point to taking antidepressants. I thought the same as you when I started taking them almost a year ago. They wouldn't take my struggles away, I thought, so what's the point?

They don't take your struggles away, but what they do is level out your mood meaning you can deal with things and react to things more appropriately. It gives you the level headedness to change things that you do have control over, while coping better with the things you can't change.

ADs have changed my life.

Give them a chance to change yours.

Thank you so much for posting OP.

I related to so much of what you had written and after reading the responses, I bit the bullet and filled out an e-consult on my GP's website. I had a phone call from my GP but couldn't talk properly because I was sorted out dinner. He said he definitely wanted a chat with me and I should phone reception to make a telephone appointment.

This could be a real turning point in my life.
Thank you to everyone who has posted here.

OP - feel free to PM me, we could do this together 💪. I would never have taken this step if you hadn't posted - thank you again.

Honestly Very and Moon you will be AMAZED at how quickly you start to feel much happier, more positive, a better mum and more able to face each day. AD's are a wonder drug, like HRT. You'll wonder why you suffered in silence for so long when there was no need.

And not everyone gets stuck on them for years and years. I didn't. But even if you do - so what? Better to have a long term condition and have it be well managed than to be not managed at all. Treat yourself just as you would if you had Asthma or diabetes or thyroid problems or anything else than you need intervention with. Would you feel like you'd 'given in' to those? Would you even think of trying to fight them through determination alone?

Then just get on with living your life as it should be lived.

Thank you so much everyone. I might speak to my GP.
I wonder if there’s anything you can take just for when it gets really bad - or are all AD long term/everyday things?

@Verysurprised glad to hear this thread helped. It does help to not feel alone doesn’t it. I’m sorry you feel this way too - it’s crap.

I’m just like a zombie at the moment. I can barely function. Every time I get these black periods it gets worse and I just switch off more. This also makes me worry that if I go to the gp they’ll say there’s something really wrong and diagnose me as like bipolar or something. I don’t know.

It’s all so pathetic. I also have quite bad health anxiety and worry that by giving in and being so weak I’ll get retribution by getting a physical illness. I get these anxieties that I just can’t shake off.
I have fought this for so so long, fought to act normal and snap out of it and cure myself through hard work or positive thinking but I just can’t anymore.
Well, I probably could but I just don’t have the strength. Which is bad isn’t it.

Please speak to your GP, they can help. Tell them about your anxiety too.

@Moonbabby

Thank you so much everyone. I might speak to my GP. I wonder if there’s anything you can take just for when it gets really bad - or are all AD long term/everyday things?

@Verysurprised glad to hear this thread helped. It does help to not feel alone doesn’t it. I’m sorry you feel this way too - it’s crap.

I’m just like a zombie at the moment. I can barely function. Every time I get these black periods it gets worse and I just switch off more. This also makes me worry that if I go to the gp they’ll say there’s something really wrong and diagnose me as like bipolar or something. I don’t know.

It’s all so pathetic. I also have quite bad health anxiety and worry that by giving in and being so weak I’ll get retribution by getting a physical illness. I get these anxieties that I just can’t shake off.
I have fought this for so so long, fought to act normal and snap out of it and cure myself through hard work or positive thinking but I just can’t anymore.
Well, I probably could but I just don’t have the strength. Which is bad isn’t it.

All of this post says you should speak to your GP about medication to get you back on an even keel.

You’ve got health anxiety - no one is going to diagnose you as bipolar on the basis that sometimes your mood/coping strategies are better than other times. You won’t be punished with a physical illness if you get treatment for your low mood. This is all your anxiety taking over and you say yourself you can’t shake it.

Write out what you’ve said here to tell your GP.
I would be very surprised if they didn’t start you on a fairly low dose of antidepressants to stabilise your mood so you can effectively confront any treat your anxiety.

You don’t need to stay on them long term, but you do need to take them regularly and for a defined period to see a change and make an informed decision.

Please call your GP on Monday.

ADs may help short term to get on an even keel. You do need to persist and if prescribed not stop as soon as you feel better. You might need to try different AD or combination to find the right one. Follow advice on changing or stopping as some ADs need to be carefully lowered.

AD can sometimes be necessary long term. For me it’s like the anti epilepsy drugs I also take. No one ever says snap out of epilepsy or you can overcome it by sheer will power. Same is true for you currently and for me long term with depression.

I know it’s hard but consider whether you would take the drugs for diagnosed asthma or epilepsy.

When you are a bit better you could think about a community online such as Anxiety UK if you don’t feel that that formal counselling is right atm.

Well done on recognising you need help, it is courageous

I started ADs to stop my intrusive thoughts but I was shocked that they turned me into a more patient, calm, less shouty, less anxious person too.