Can I please just have a rant about my piece of shit ex - feel free to rant with me.

[Myexisapieceofshit]

Name changed because I dont know if his equally piece of shit girlfriend is on here.

Ex and I have 4 dc together. Oldest 20, youngest 11.

We have been apart for 10 years, the age old him cheating on me and buggering off with OW. She's welcome to him.

He said its because he couldn't handle 4 kids and she had 2 so much easier.

His contact has been sporadic to say the least, he hasn't actually seen them for 3 years and WhatsApps them twice a year - Xmas and birthdays.

He says it's all down to me, I stopped contact blah blah, but the oldest has had his own mobile for 10 years, all of them have got their own phones at age 9/10 as well and he still doesn't bother. Plus I never stopped anything, but I won't let the truth get in the way of his victim complex.

The rest of my dc are fed up and don't care anymore but my 13yo is the sweetest kid (she even said she's glad he's able to be a dad to some kids even if it's not them, and she's happy he's loved). So she messaged 2 days ago asking when she could see him.

I was absolutely floored when he messaged back almost immediately saying this Saturday. She was so excited. The others said they didn't want to go with him (he lives 3 hours away) but he never contacted them so didn't know that anyway.

Cut to yesterday a message to her "Sorry I've taken on another shift at work so I'll see you in January instead" - she was devastated. Messaged him back saying "I don't know why I expected you to come, you always let us down"

Message was seen, and today she got angry and messaged again saying that she can see he saw the message so why wasn't he messaging back. He saw that one right away and ignored it so she messaged back saying she hates him. Not great I know, but understandable.

Hes blocked her.

I cant believe that piece of shit blocked his own kid for getting angry because he let her down- again.

I know I can't do anything, I can't change it, but I am so so angry with him.

Please either give me a magic solution to make my baby feel OK, or join me in ranting about your shitty exes too.

Not quite a rant but he sounds like my own piece of shit of a dad. Thought it was hilarious to drop our family for a new one. I cut him off when I was 11 or 12 I think and didn’t see or speak to him till I was 21. Even now we don’t really speak other then birthdays etc. No advice but all I’ll say is your kids will know eventually who was there and who wasn’t and that’s what counts.

I had a 'dad' like that. I used to get really upset. Then I became an adult and was easier to handle/get on with and he wanted something to do with me. I didn't want anything to do with him and still don't, he had his chances-many of them, he was an adult and he let his own child down. Now I don't care and even think about him really. It does get easier for her OP

Thank you @CharlotteRose90 they already do know. 20 years I've been picking up his mess of shitty parenting I had to teach my oldest how to shave, deal with stuff I'm sure he would rather a guy dealt with, I had to be the go between when our daughter came out as gay, he's now had me blocked so long that he's missed a couple of very important and life changing diagnosis for our kids too

I'm really sorry your dad is also a twat you deserve much better.

Thank you @MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe you deserve so much better too.

I know in my heart it gets easier, my older 2 are testament to that, its just hideous having to deal with dd putting on a brave face then crying in her room over that dickhead.

My dad did exactly the same to me! Absolutely refuses to listen to anyone calling him out for anything, just reads and ignores and then blocks.

Tell her to watch out as if he's anything like mine, after a few months he'll get in touch as if nothing ever happened. All happy and chatty, and you have to be happy back otherwise anything else and you get the silent treatment again. Its brutal, and I was an adult, so much worse for a young teen for you both.

@Sparklfairy thank you.

He does this too. My oldest didn't talk to him for 2 years, then messaged to tell him why, and ex just sent messages saying he's a great dad and it's all my fault and that I've basically mind fucked them into thinking he's crap.

I bought presents 'from him' and made excuses for years hoping he would come around, so I probably have fucked up by giving them hope he's a good guy.

I'm sorry about your dad I don't know how these men live with themselves.

What an absolute wanker he is. So sorry for your kids and good luck supporting them. I haven’t got any advice - just incredulous at how shit some human beings really are.

and ex just sent messages saying he's a great dad and it's all my fault and that I've basically mind fucked them into thinking he's crap.

I almost word for word had the same spiel. She'd poisoned us against him, he'd tried his best blah blah.

There's five of us in total (I have two half sisters he had later), all adults now. For the last 10 years we've been kind of in rotation where only about one of us is speaking to him. When we were in contact he would tell me the latest fallout with another one, totally bewildered and playing the victim, not poor me so much as "they're all batshit and irrational" he didn't like it when I "joked" that he was the common denominator...

I just feel so sorry for your DD. She sounds so sweet and you have to be a particular kind of callous to trample all over your daughters heart in that way. Even taking the example in your OP, how hard is it to lie and say you're sorry you really couldn't get out of working, to spare her feelings? It never occurred to him. All he saw was himself as being "attacked" for her having valid upset at being ignored and he just shut it out and made it (her) disappear so he didn't have to deal. Wanker.

@purplepeoniesdroppingpetals Thanks for your support.

My eldest has a flat, a great job, lots of prospects and is an incredible young man, my ex takes all the credit even though he doesn't talk to him. He promised an amazing night out for his 17th, took him to play the wii on a Tuesday night and had a beer then said he would be using my sons flat to save on b&b costs when he visits from now on. Bought him a football top for a team he doesn't support and hasn't bothered at all with his 19th or 20th.

My 17yo hasn't spoken to him for 5 years since my ex used gay slurs to describe them and then blamed me for their sexuality because I allowed a certain haircut. Thankfully has also turned out amazing, working hard at college and has 2 part time jobs and helps me out a lot since I had cancer last year.

My 13yo is just the nicest person you could ever meet. I'm homeschooling her at the moment because her anxiety is through the roof and she can't cope, probably related to me being ill and lockdown but this may undo all the hard work we have done.

My 11yo has never known him be around and dislikes him anyway. He tries to make them wear dresses and have long hair etc and they hate it. She is super protective of 13yo dd and will likely never speak to him again because of this. She has just recently been diagnosed with tourettes as well so god knows what this will do to her tics

He is a fucking wanker.

Sorry I'm on a rant again.

@Sparklfairy if I didn't know better I would say my ex is your dad. Sounds very similar.

I bet all these dickheads have a secret club and a handbook and follow the same script

I'm laughing a bit now though, just went to put washing away in my 11yo dds room, she's really into anime, and I got her a notepad with 'deathnote' written on it. She's put his name and picture in there. If petty was a person it would be my dd 🤣 she would die for her sister.

Its awful. 13 is such a fragile age but she's got the support of all four of you around her. Id suggest she find her anger but tbh no, he doesn't get to change that sweet personality of hers nothing like mine

My 20yo has just called me up and is raging, he said he's the only one allowed to be mean to her - which is sweet? I think 🤣

17yo just asked Google if there are any hitmen in the area (there arent)

Those 2 have arranged a movie duvet night on Saturday with tonnes of snacks to cheer dd up as well.

In among the violence and pettiness they are all good kids, that dickhead is missing out big time.

Thanks you all for making me feel a bit better. Its just awful seeing your kid hurt and not being able to fix it.

Honestly I’d tell them it’s ok to block him too . Preferably all do it together in support of dd. then at least when he moans no one knows

I had one of those dads - would fail to pick up me & DB for 'his' weekends. Have had no contact with him since i was 11 (am 52 now).
Just wanted to say that your kids sound amazing. You are obviously doing a great job!

Your DD has amazing support from your siblings who see him exactly for what he is (and your 11-year-old will never go through the same disappointment, now she has witnessed it with her older sister).

Drop the dickhead. They owe him nothing.

Thank you @Lollypop701 the younger 3 now have him blocked too. Not sure about the oldest, ex never bothers with him much anyway.

@VittysCardigan thank you, they are pretty amazing kids, I don't know how, I've spent 20 years winging it and hoping for the best.

I'm so sorry your dad treated you like that

@TheABC you are so right.

The other 3 aren't bothered at all, which I'm thankful for. DD will get through it, hopefully relatively unscathed. They are all a massive support to each other (in between playing WWE and battering each other 🤣)

Tonight my heart hurts for dd, but tomorrow is a new day and they all know where they stand now. Better this than him keeping on popping up and letting them down.

It might be a good idea for your kids to go to counselling. You all sound like a great family unit but counselling may really help them.

@Theblacksheepandme the younger 3 have all had counselling twice due to various things he has/hasn't done over the years. He has refused to acknowledge anything, or to help or speak to their counseller or deal with it in any way. I may try and get some more for dd as she's the only one who's bothered really now, I'll see how we get in with panic attacks and anxiety this week before I decide

I'm thinking I might just be the bad one and ban contact now, we get along fine then he pops up, upsets everything and fucks off again. It's too much for them

He doesn't need to be involved whatsoever in their counselling. Counselling should be about focusing on themselves and how they can deal with their emotions. You sound like you have done a brilliant job and I hope you're proud of yourself.

I'm thinking I might just be the bad one and ban contact now, we get along fine then he pops up, upsets everything and fucks off again. It's too much for them

It's the yoyo disappointment that's the most damaging ime. Can they block on 'everything' (thinking social media even if they're not 'connected') and just leave it at that, delete his number? It's quite a relief to know that he can't just pop up at any time tbh.

He is a waste of space, absolute arsehole.
I'm so sorry for your DD.
Pitiful using excuses not to see his DC, doesn't deserve them.

Rant away, it's cathartic! My kids pathetic excuse for a dad is equally shit, picks and chooses when to 'parent' and likes to take all the credit for my beautiful children. He's a tosser.

Thanks everyone for listening to my angry rant last night. I was so frustrated but having a bit of support while I vented made me feel a million times better

I've knocked homeschooling on the head today and letting dd have a chill day, she didn't sleep much last night but says she's feeling a bit better today.

Everyone has blocked ex now, the older 2 have social media and have blocked him there too so he has no way of contacting any of them now.

Overall I think it will be better to have no contact at all rather than contacting them twice a year and upsetting them.

Onwards and upwards now without that prick upsetting my kids anymore. He doesn't deserve them anyway.

I'm also so sorry that some of you have shitty exes and 'fathers' too

Dickheads, the lot of them. If you give me their names I'll get dd to put them in her deathnote book too 😂