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I think maybe I'm going mad

5 replies

CaputApriDefero · 06/12/2021 20:10

I keep having really intrusive thoughts. I've suffered with health anxiety in the past to the point I've been even unable to say the word "death" because I thought it would tempt fate. So i definitely have history with anxiety. And there's so much going on in my life at the moment. I have to support my child with a lot of personal care and mental health support due to her neuro condition and her school perpetuating disability discrimination. I am in the process of taking them to tribunal. And the local authority who didn't process her EHCP update for seven months. We've been renovating the house for over a year. My oldest son is hating school due to poor support and understanding from some teachers of the executive functioning difficulties that come with adhd. And I have to support my husband's adhd too. His executive functioning is off the charts poor and due to lockdown I've become the de facto manager of all of this chaos. Even now that school is back, I get very little respite. My DD has a condition that is very debilitating and so if she wants something to eat or drink, I have to get it. The number of times a day a teen wants to eat or drink is astronomical. Right now, as I'm writing this, I've had messages from her asking me to bring her a hot drink and some biscuits. There is no space anywhere in most days built in for me to be able to say "no, ask your dad" because he works nights so he's asleep most of the day.

I just want to go to the gym. Or out for a coffee. Or even- gasp! Away for a night. I want a break. But this is where the shit comes in. I don't think i would mentally be able to do it, even though I need it. Because I keep thinking and overthinking about things going wrong. I'm falling asleep at night and I think I hear the door knocking. Or my daughter calling me. Or someone throwing up and it jolts me out of sleep. I hear sirens in the distance when my children are at school or my husband is at work and my mind immediately tells me it's for them. If I've had an unusually well rested night, I worry that I haven't heard my children because they're dead or something. God, it's awful to say. But I have to get up in the night to check them because nobody knows what my daughter's condition is.... how do I know she won't just have some sort of fit and die? My youngest had a friend in playschool who simply died in his sleep and the doctor told the mum its more common than we talk about. My friend's young teen boy collapsed and died of a brain haemorrhage one day. I can't help thinking something dreadful will happen and I think I'm driving myself mad. It could be the stress and the lack of sleep or I could actually be going mad. But I'm scared if I speak to the doctor they'll think I don't want to care for my children or something. They're well cared for. I am not 😭

OP posts:
thesockfromtheroof · 06/12/2021 20:15

Please don't be afraid to ask for help. Speak to your GP. Tell them everything gouge posted here.

You're under a lot of stress, it's understandable you feel this way.

When my DH was working nights I found it extremely stressful, especially at night. I felt as though all the responsibility of keeping my child alive and safe was on my shoulders. I couldn't handle it for long, I needed some support.

Could your DH change jobs?

Do you have any family or friends nearby to talk to and help out in some way?

What do you do when your children are at school?

thesockfromtheroof · 06/12/2021 20:15

You're not gouge*

CaputApriDefero · 06/12/2021 20:26

@thesockfromtheroof

Please don't be afraid to ask for help. Speak to your GP. Tell them everything gouge posted here.

You're under a lot of stress, it's understandable you feel this way.

When my DH was working nights I found it extremely stressful, especially at night. I felt as though all the responsibility of keeping my child alive and safe was on my shoulders. I couldn't handle it for long, I needed some support.

Could your DH change jobs?

Do you have any family or friends nearby to talk to and help out in some way?

What do you do when your children are at school?

My DD has a reduced timetable so she's only in some of the time. When she's at school I can't really do anything much because often her school will call me to come and get her or help them. A few weeks back I went to hydrotherapy for a shoulder injury from all the lifting I have to do and when I got out of the pool I had two shitty voicemail messages and a horrible email telling me if I can't be available, they'll have to let Social Services know that there isn't anyone available to care for her properly. I was at a medical appointment! I can't even take an hour to see a healthcare professional.
OP posts:
Weatherwax13 · 06/12/2021 20:44

You're not going mad. You're under immense stress. You're catastrophising because you're so overwhelmed.
I'd see the GP as a matter of urgency as YOU need caring for.
And I'd set up a meeting with the school. They're disgraceful. My DD had a very similar experience. I told her to tell the school that she couldn't keep taking their calls because she was in lectures (true! They expected her to leave Uni any time they were "struggling " with GC) Instead she told them they had to call me. I would say the calls dropped to about 10% of their previous volume once they knew it would be me handling it.
They were being utterly lazy and couldn't be bothered to implement the agreed-upon strategies to help GC stay in class and it was easier to dump him back on DD and not fulfil their responsibilities, whilst also making her out to be feckless.
You need to put a stop to it.
Social services were never called. It was an empty threat to frighten my DD into doing what they wanted. They had had GC's psychologist and OT help and recommendations. They just couldn't be bothered.
I know your husband has issues he's struggling with and it must be hard but what about the things YOU are struggling with? You certainly don't have it easier than him at all.
I think you need a come to jesus talk and be absolutely honest that you're not coping and the two of you need to work out what might help. He has his limitations maybe, but he's also the children's parent, so he needs to get involved in finding solutions to at least some of the difficulties.
Flowers I know all too well how tough it is when your children have additional needs.

CaputApriDefero · 06/12/2021 21:00

Thank you very much for your responses. It's nice just to feel heard, honestly.

OP posts:
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