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Original poster

In your HONEST opinion

30 replies

Tenam · 05/12/2021 10:50

Does being a sahp mean

That if you go out for dinner you should still prepare a meal for the rest of the family.

That you should have all the time your husband/wife/partner is available as family time rather than wanting to do something by yourself sometimes leaving them in charge of the children.

That on weekends you still do all the cooking/cleaning/laundry etc because that is your role in the family.

OP posts:
WakeUpLockie · 05/12/2021 10:50

No

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2021 10:51

Of course not. A SAHM is just that, not an unpaid member of staff.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 05/12/2021 10:52

I think both partners should have roughly equal amounts of leisure time, including time to do things on their own.

MrsCremuel · 05/12/2021 10:56

No, everyone pulls their weight at weekends and leisure time is equally metered out.

YokoOnosHat · 05/12/2021 10:59

Lol no, definitely not. If you’re in this position and being told this by a partner, said partner is an arsehole.

BlusteringBoobies · 05/12/2021 11:02

Nope. One parent is at work earning some money. The other parent is at work, looking after the children.

When both parents are at home, neither are 'working' so childcare/free time should be split. The only caveat is, depending on the age of children, I would expect a reasonable amount of housework to be done in the week by the SAHP (but still expect to share some at the weekends)

MarshaBradyo · 05/12/2021 11:02

No

BeaMends · 05/12/2021 11:03

No.

Hewasperfect · 05/12/2021 11:04

What!! Of course not

miltonj · 05/12/2021 11:05

ShockShock no wtf

SmellyOldOwls · 05/12/2021 11:06

You're a SAHP not a slave.

trilbydoll · 05/12/2021 11:08

I have no skin in this game, I work 4 days a week, but I think the SAHP basically replaces paid childcare. As you're at home during the day chances are you'll do more laundry and loading the dishwasher etc and if dc are at school I'd expect there to be minimal housework at weekends. But evening / weekends are free time for everyone to be divided up however everyone wants.

Homerenonovice · 05/12/2021 11:09

I think some of this depends on the age of your children but some of it absolutely not.

If they are young and at home with you all the time then you DH is just an arse.

If the kids are at school in the week then that is when I would expect the washing and your errands to be run.

If you’re going out on a week night then yes I do think you should cook for the family still otherwise they’d be eating late if they have to wait for your DH to come home and then cook. I guess I’m projecting our situation there, perhaps your DH gets home at a reasonable hour.

Leisure time should be equal regardless of age!

BiBabbles · 05/12/2021 11:14

None of those.

A SAHP is the at-home parent and usually does not have their own income.

How people arrange their household needs and leisure is separate from that, but certain not that all of a SAHP time is family time or that they have to do all the cooking or cleaning or prepare things for when they're not around.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 05/12/2021 11:16

I do the first and last one but not the middle one.

Meowenstein · 05/12/2021 11:24

I would absolutely expect there to be minimal housework at weekends, weekly shopping done etc if one parent is sah. Leisure time should be equal.

Lasair · 05/12/2021 11:27

No it doesn’t mean that at all. Being part of a family is being a team. I work but when I go out I make dinner for my family as that makes life easier for my husband. My husband has taken the kids to his mums for the day and he tided the house before he left so I could relax in a clean house.

That’s team work. We both work though.

Paperyfish · 05/12/2021 11:29

If working outside house parent puts in 8 hours a day at work then sahp puts in 8 hours childcare. If they are able to do a bit of housework whilst doing this they are amazing and that’s all good. If they can’t….then they are still putting in the Hours. Then all housework/ cooking/ admin/ leisure time should be fairly divided by both parents.

floatinginmyhomie · 05/12/2021 11:29

No definitely not

CrimbleCrumble1 · 05/12/2021 11:32

OP does the SAHP have much cleaning/laundry to do at the weekend? Can the majority be done during the week so both partners can enjoy the weekend?

Doona · 05/12/2021 11:37

No

UserOfManyNames · 05/12/2021 11:55

Good god no! I didn’t sign up to be the household skivvy when our circumstances dictated that someone needed to be at home for the DC.

I might leave some pizza’s in the freezer or put them for DC depending on their ages, if going out to eat. I’d see that as a well deserved night off from cooking!

DH would encourage me to go off and do something for myself when DC were too small to leave alone and he was at home.

I also made sure he cooked, hoovered, did some washing. shopping etc on his days off. He used to get a bit arsey about it but I quite forcefullyWink reminded him that if he was single he’d have to do all his own household crap and he wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking maid!

He does the dishwasher before he goes to work and quite often in the evening anyway.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/12/2021 12:18

Obviously not, you should have about the same amount of leisure time as your partner.

If possible (and with tiny kids it won’t be) it would be good to get the bulk of the laundry and big housework/batch cooking done in the week, so you can have actual family time at weekends.

What is the problem OP? If you can say more specifically people would be able to suggest things.

AbsolutelyFabulousDarling · 05/12/2021 12:27

I do or i buy a ready meal
BUT I don't find cooking a chore

FluffyBooBoo · 05/12/2021 12:54

If the SAHP is going out to dinner on a day that their partner is working, then making sure the family have a meal available is reasonable imo, unless a takeaway is planned. That could be home cooked, leftovers, ready meals, whatever.

The middle one is the worst one imo. Of course the other parent should be able and willing to look after the kids some of the time!

The last one - I would try and minimise the amount that needs done at the weekend, and try to involve the whole family in anything that did need to be done then. Laundry can be done through the week, as can most cleaning.