What time would you let your 15 year old stay at a house party until?

[BuddlesOfMine]

DS is going to a house party tonight. He’s always struggled with friendships so I’m really pleased he’s being included. It’s the 2nd one he’s been to but this time he’s pushing for a significantly later finish time. He says 1am but I’m not comfortable with so late. What do you all think? Hate them growing up and having to make these difficult decisions-either way I know I won’t sleep until he’s home in his own bed!

Midnight is more than reasonable at 15.

Good outcome

I have a 15yo and I think you've done the right thing by saying 1am but if he's drunk etc then it'll be earlier next time.

It’s a difficult one to navigate. With our children we laid down the law beforehand explained that we knew that they would probably have a drink but that they wouldn’t want to be “that kid” the one that got wrecked at the party, that everyone filmed with their phones and was talking about. We said to alternate with soft drinks and ultimately it was an exercise in trust, behave and you get to go to future parties, muck up and never again.

With a sensible boy and being able to collect him and it not being a weekly thing, I'd allow until 1am. Especially as he's had some issues with friendships - you don't want to risk alienating him.

But 1am would be my absolute cut off

Sometimes they think they want to stay out later but 1am is a good time to pick them up esp as sometimes they might wish they were back home.

I personally would keep the lines of communication open and if I got a call or text to say can they stay out later, meaning they're at least coherent, then I'd let them stay. I mean it's a party I went to loads of parties at that age and we never got picked up by our parents

My DD 14 is out most weekends with loads of other teens till late. It's normal. All bright young things who stick together and walk each other home

That sounds great, OP. I was the kid who always had to be home earlier than everyone else and it made me really miserable. Plus, I knew my mum imagined me to be up to much worse things than I actually did, which wasn’t a nice feeling. If she’d negotiated like you have and said be good and you can stay out later, I actually would have stuck to it for sure!

Depends how he's getting home after.

Luckily we lived so far in the sticks that they always needed a car lift to get home at the end of an evening; nobody else would ever be coming our way. So the driver would be us.

So they accepted that (horror or horrors) they were going to be collected after the party by a parent, which is of course totally uncool. To spare their blushes we agreed to park nearby out of sight for the agreed rendezvous. So long as they left the party at the time agreed . They always did, otherwise they'd have to endure a parent at the party door asking for Cinderella.
Latest pickup was no more than 11.30 at weekends. Earlier before school days.

I definitely wouldn't have a 14 year old walking home late at night.

I think you’ve done the right thing agreeing to the 1am.

It’s a rare occurrence, he’s making friends and you know the kids involved.

It gives him a chance to prove himself and gives you places to go for future things if there are any issues.

I’d personally agree to the 1am. At his age I went to house parties and spent the entire night because I lied where I was to my parents. If he’s asking you and telling you the truth about where he is I’d be wanting to maintain this good relationship. You’ve said he’s a good lad and struggled to be included, I’d definitely be giving him some leeway.

Oops my tablet froze and my post didn’t load, I hadn’t seen the updates.

Good call OP

I think you've made a good decision op.

I agree with some, if he's going to do something daft, it could happen at 10pm or 1am. I always let mine stay late, assuming no paper round in the morning (!). More important was how they got home. Ds2 had a good group of local mates and they would walk home.

I just asked dd (20) and she agrees, he needs to be allowed to stay till the end or at least as late as he wants.

If they're good kids and he's starting to be part of the crowd, I'd let him stay till 1am.
But I would say that he must be ready or it'll not be so late next time if he tries to push it.

I would let him stay until 1am.

I'd say midnight. I don't know what that's just my gut. Midnight till 16, then 1am until 17/18 and then no curfew after that!

I would say 1am. He sounds sensible and it sounds like you trust him. It's great that he's being included, better for him not to have to leave early.

1am sounds good, I'd have agreed that with my son. Many kids seem to spend the night, but my son didn't ever want to do that.

[quote BuddlesOfMine]@AhNowTed
Thanks. I’m not making a big deal at all! I’m asking opinions because I’ve never had a 15 year old before and will make a decision based on the opinions given[/quote]
I also have a lovely teenager who has struggled with friendship and is starting now finally to make a few friends. They are slightly older than yours but 1 am? Genuinely I dont get that. No child (and these are all under 18s ) needs to be out that late. Midnight collection is fine.

I negotiate hard with my teenager but we stick to our agreements. I explain my reasons - and they know I wont change unless a good reason occurs. A good reason is not that everyone else's parent is allowing it!

We live semi-rural in home counties - so a taxi is laughable unless you take out a mortgage and best of luck anyway finding a taxi service still working after covid destroyed the business. I think you have a number of London parents replying. One of my DC's new friends lives in Outer London - the difference in attitude but also freedom is quite striking.

Nothing good ever happens at a party after 12am.

Its when it all starts going down hill

I started from a position of trusting DS1 (now 18) as I knew his friends somewhat and knew that they looked out for each other, so I didn't set a time, just made sure I was comfortable that he/they had a plan. They never let me down, not once. DS2 is coming up to that point - a year or 18 months away, and I'll take the same approach with him.

I can’t talk as I was often out until 2/3 am at that age. Obviously times are totally different now.

I agree with your decision, OP.

There's nothing wrong with 1am on a Saturday night.
Keep the lines of communication open - he's sensible, open and finally feeling comfortable in a friendship group.
It's a great opportunity for him to socialise - something that teens desperately need to do (outside of school!) at the minute.

My parents never gave me a curfew for parties; as long as my phone was on and they could get ahold of me. I had to tell them how I was getting home, and roughly what time - then update them if it were to change.
That agreement worked perfectly for loosening the reigns as I got older.
It was always the kids getting picked up at 11 that were either embarrassed that they had to go or got stupidly drunk to make up for lost time

He's only a few years off uni so you'll have to start giving him some freedom soon, to get him used to it if nothing else.

Hope he had a lovely night.