I don’t know how to fix this

[tiredandveryhungry]

I have co slept with my one year old since birth. He is boob obsessed and spends all night feeding. I should also add that he’s very clingy to me unlike my first child who was fiercely independent from the very beginning. Baby won’t nap anywhere but the car seat and it up every hour or so at the moment. I’ve tried putting him in his cot but he just screams and screams. I feel completely broken with the general lack of sleep and his clinginess. He spends all night on my boob and tweaking my nipples. I desperately need some help/advice but don’t even know where to begin. Please help!

You poor thing. Someone recently had a similar thread, I’ll see if I can find it. That was a slightly older child tho, so not all the advice will fit.
Whatever you decide to do, you probably need to psyche yourself up for a couple of bad nights, rope in whatever help you have.

It might be worth trying to decide which is the worst thing & trying to fix that first? For me it was the nipple touching. Couldn’t bear it. Hands got firmly moved every time. I wore a soft bra (think it was a molke one) in bed, so once the feed was done the milk went away.

I will admit, I let mine nap on me & just sat down & had a cuddle & a rest. Didn’t get much done, but got an hour of peace. Also eventually was able to carefully roll them into their beds. I just couldn’t be arsed having a fight for them to have a nap they needed.

Has he been investigated for reflux? No direct experience, but some of what you describe rings a bell - they don’t like lying flat, they want to feed a lot as it soothes the reflux pain. Just a thought.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/4407083-Please-help?msgid=112673189#112673189

Here, although as I said, slightly older child.
The other thing I’d think about is a decent supper before bed, like porridge or something.

You poor thing, that sounds so tough. Your baby is basically using your boob as a dummy at this point, he doesn’t need nighttime milk now.

If I were you, as the poster above, I’d psyche myself up for a few tough nights but start putting the baby to bed in his cot. Do a night feed at 10pm in case he is hungry, but otherwise be consistent and leave him in the cot. He will cry, but there are lots of sleep training methods to get him used to being there - some gentle like sitting with your hand on him while he falls asleep, some which will work quicker but involve more crying like the Ferber method.

Fwiw, we did Ferber in a similar situation where the baby would only go to sleep with a breastfeed and the baby slept through the night on night 3.

The main thing is to be consistent. Once you decide to start putting him in a cot, you can’t let him cry for 15 mins then take him out and cosleep again - it isn’t fair to him, you have to commit to it and your husband has to be on exactly the same page

Good luck, sleep deprivation is the worst!

Oh actually the other thing I did was push the cot next to the bed, like a sidecar crib, so that we all had a bit more space and I could increase that distance.

OK, first of all, separate out what is a problem for you vs what you feel is a problem because "everyone" says you shouldn't do it. For example co-sleeping can be fine if the child sleeps all night (I personally found it preferable to traipsing down the hall multiple times a night). Car seat naps might be fine if he's still in the baby car seat that is portable, more of an issue if he's in a bigger seat and you have to stay in the car.

You can't change everything at once so I'd focus on the one most disruptive thing and change that.

I really like Lyndsey Hookway for sleep advice that is sustainable but not harsh (or guilt inducing). You can find a lot of good stuff on her instagram but for your baby's age the best book would probably be Let's Talk About Your New Family's Sleep (which is a really clunky title but a great book).

For naps she'd say you're already doing really well as your child is sleeping. Yay! That's step one. There are three aspects to naps - timing, location and support required (movement/feeding/cuddle etc) She says you should work out which of these aspects are a problem and work on them in that order. So first fix the timing (using the method and location that makes it easy) if that is a problem, then work on changing the location if that is a problem, finally change the method you use to get them to sleep if that is a problem.

For night sleep she has a guide on Instagram:
www.instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway/guide/night-waking/17860464776357138/?hl=en