Need help stopping intrusive thoughts

[Rainartist]

I've done so well over recent years in improving my self esteem and confidence. Had CBT and antidepressants which I'm now weaning off and things have been good.

Lovely day yesterday, meeting a colleague for coffee. Don't know them that well but we'd worked well on a project and we were friendly, she'd been ill so I looked in with flowers etc wasn't planning on staying long. As I left I realised it's been 3 hours, past lunchtime and she was probably wishing I was gone ages before

I'm so embarrassed at being so thoughtless and unaware and of giving a poor impression of my social skills. I'm not normally like that. Have tortured myself with intrusive thoughts but need to stop and put it out of my head but can't.

After her offering another meet up soonish previously and offering to host her myself she has now sent a text saying it'll be next year now before we meet again and then we'll resume the project if she's well enough to be at work. I think I was a bit full on and am worried what herand others colleagues will think of me if they talk.

I can't say anything without looking pathetic. I need to just stop overthinking, any advice?

You were both having such a lovely time that you didn't notice 3 hours had passed. That must mean you get in really well, absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed. Most people would say we'll meet up again next year as most people are booked up with plans for December already.

My ds gets intrusive thoughts, I know how debilitating they can be, think of the positives of the day, try to remember how many things you laughed at or how many times she smiled at you.

I think if she’d wanted you to leave sooner you would have noticed certain signals.

It sounds like you were both enjoying yourselves and time got away from you. It happens, especially when people are relaxed and enjoying themselves.

I wouldn’t read anything into her saying she won’t see you until new year now. December is a busy time for most people, often the weeks closer to Christmas (bearing in mind there are only just over two more weeks until we are into Christmas week now) are allocated to prep and family time and if she is recovering from an illness things may be taking her longer than usual as well, so she is probably just being realistic about her availability. I would take it as a positive that she has already text to say she will see you in the new year, as I suspect if she didn’t want to see you she wouldn’t have bothered. Taking it at face value, she is busy in December for obvious reasons, but is looking forward to seeing you in the new year and to working with you again as soon as she is well enough.

My ds suffers from intrusive thoughts and has found it can be helpful to use the grounding method to interrupt the ruminations. Not sure if you’ve learned it in your therapy, but essentially you interrupt the thought you are stuck on by bringing yourself back to the present moment, through connecting with things you can see, feel, hear, taste and touch:

• FIVE things you see around you
• FOUR things you can touch
• THREE things you hear
• TWO things you can smell
• ONE thing you can taste

If you can, doing some calming breathing techniques can help as well.

My ds uses certain computer games and phone app games to bring him into the moment, but disconnect him from thought processes as well and says, for him, that is often the most successful way to break the cycle.

Don't worry about this! I have some acquaintances who occasionally drop by saying they're just stopping in for 5 minutes and they always end up staying for hours, they're good company and keep me in chat! And I'm always quite touched that they're comfortable enough here to want to stay. Don't read into her not making plans for December, between Christmas stuff and covid I don't know anyone making plans for anything. Cancelling them if anything.

Thanks. My logical brain tells me this! I can usually pick up on cues and I did feel comfortable, she had a lovely home, it's only afterwards I worried. Especially the going over the lunchtime, I made a comment about was she ok for food, did she need me to get anything and only after realised it sounded like a massive hint (it genuinely wasn't, for once in my life I wasn't hungry!)

Thanks for the tips. @PermanentlyDizzy I hadn't heard of that one but it sounds good.

Hello, I’ve never posted here before. I am suffering severe intrusive thoughts mainly surrounding my children and me harming them in some way. I have spoken to a therapist who has assured me the fact I am reacting in the way I am reacting (severe anxiety and panic attacks) tells him this is the complete polar opposite to my personality, whilst his words gave me short term assurance, I am still plagued by these thoughts. I am currently on sertraline and diazepam but the gp wants to change this to miritzapine, I’m not sure how I feel about this. This is affecting my daily life greatly, I’m just looking for assurance that people have actually overcome this? Or am I just going to be stuck like this forever? I am also awaiting CBT therapy but would just like reassuring im not suffering alone and there will be light at the end of this very dark tunnel.