Burnout — now what do I do?

[HorseGallopingOnATomato]

Stresses in and out of work, illness, bereavement, and a lot of big upheavals and I’ve reached my limit. Barely functioning. Basic decisions like what to eat or choosing between two things are paralysing. Crying a lot, tics, really loud inner monologue that keep shouting at me. Im off from work, but now what do I actually do to feel better? I just want a good stretch of time in which nothing awful happens to recover but how can I feel “normal” again?

Have you been to the doctor as a starter for ten to get some medication to get you back to a functioning level?

this was me a few months ago. Total burnout after a horrible 6 months at work and a recent bereavement.

Please be kind to yourself. Can you get out for walks? Being outside most of the day in the fresh air helped loads as did learning to meditate. I started doing more cooking and enjoying trying new recipes for the family. Just took life back to the basics again. Has your GP offered any help? CBT or counselling?

It's a tough one. I'm currently off work (and have been for nearly nine weeks now), with fibromyalgia, so I'm not exactly in the same position as you, but I can identify with what you're saying.
A few points:
Are you in contact with a GP? (If you're not, do try to speak to them - I know how difficult it can be!) You could fill in an online referral form saying everything you've said here, and ask to speak to a doctor. Have you been signed off sick? It sounds like you need to be.
Is your workplace supportive? If they are, you could tell your line manager as much as you want to about how you're feeling, and how it impacts on your ability to work.
I think you should also see if you can access some kind of counselling (your local wellbeing service?) to see if you could get some help to talk through what's going on for you.
Good luck.

Work on healthful things. Mindfulness, good sleep patterns, good exercise and food.

Actively work on wellness. And when you are a bit better, look at counselling to help you process bereavement and manage stress.

Take this really seriously. Ploughing through and 'getting by' and 'just surviving' over a sustained period can permanently damage your health.

You only have the one body, look after it.

At the moment, just annual leave. Would medication help? I feel like I just need breathing room with no disasters for a while. I have a really supportive partner and my work care a lot but my job is stressful by nature. Thank you all for being so kind.

are you hearing voices?

Go to the doctor.

I’m not hearing voices! My head is just loud.

I started a similar thread a few months ago. I'm not sorted out by any means but things are a lot better.

The best advice I got was to prioritise sleep - I find Headspace very useful for that, but your experience may vary. And get out into daylight, ideally in the morning, eat reasonable food, don't drink too much.

After that, it's kind of more about what works for you. For me this means making time to write a diary and do yoga, but if you aren't sure try a few things. Meditation is the obvious one, but there are other ways of doing it including gardening and walking.

Personally - as someone who took anti-depressants for a while for anxiety - I'd wait a month or so and see if you feel better for exercise and sleep first.

My head is loud too, it wakes me up at 4.30am to have a conversation about something, often while playing music at a high volume!

Thank you for your suggestions, everyone! Diet is fine, we do cook every day, sleep is fine until 4am then… wide awake and stressing. Alcohol free, don’t smoke. I have been outside less and less so I think going out more is the first step. And writing it all down sounds like a good idea too @wiltonian, thank you.

I can identify with what you're feeling....this was me last year. Totally burnt out and unable to function.

First stop was my GP - I was reluctant to take medication but it was well worth it.

Next step was to simplify my life. This meant giving myself a break - if I couldn't even face showering and getting dressed one day then so be it (it was lockdown at the time so a little easier to get away with)
I also removed anyone from my life who was negative or unpleasant. I didn't have the mental energy to deal with their problems aswell as my own.
One year on and although still on medication my life is better. Turns out there was light at the end of the tunnel - 12 months ago I didn't think there was.

Good luck OP.

If you’re burnt out the first thing you need to do is stop, take proper time off work to let your whole system soothe and settle. Get some rest, attend to your self care but trying to keep going at the pace you are isn’t possible.

Go out in the early daylight.

It’s a really shifty spot to be in OP, and I have been there.

Can you possibly take 6 to 8 weeks off? A school holiday length of time will give you a decent rest (if you think it’s too long, it’s a lot shorter than taking a whole year off if you really crash).

Once you’ve had a week to stay in bed, could you go on retreat for a week or two?? Somewhere really gentle to recharge your batteries where there are no phones or distractions.

Medication might help. Talk to your GP. It doesn’t have to be long term and it could help you put your head above water.

Cut all the stimulation and distraction you can - lock you phone away except for calls, stay off social (including mumsnet), limit TV, esp late at night. Dump all social pressure for a while.

Add in as much fresh air and nature as you can - walks, gardening, a weekend on your own in a cottage by the sea.

Get rid off all the stress and complication you can - can you cut down to 4 days for a bit / get a cleaner / dump cooking / reduce demanding social events - you can slowly add things back in as you get better, but cut for a whole

Once you’ve had a rest (and only then) you can start to build in habits that are helpful (Ranjan Chattejees stress book is a good place to start - but I’d honestly give your self a months complete rest before you try anything)

You can get over burn out but the only way is a rest, and a very graduated reset. You need to do less for a good year or a little more - and you will need to make some long term adjustments

In the mean time go see you GP,

My DH got to this point earlier this year and ended up walking out of his job. Medication prescribed by the GP has been excellent for him. Fresh air, outside activities he enjoys and more time with the kids also helped. I was supportive but I think understandably concerned at the time about how we’d manage with him walking away from his job and now, 6 months on, I can honestly say taking that time out to get the help he needed was the best thing I think he’s ever done. He’s so much better for it which has had a really positive impact on our family life. He’s turned it round OP so I know you can too, I hope you feel better soon xxx

Ah yes, that 4am wake up. I do find the Headspace relaxations useful then.

But I had one other thought - and I don’t know your age so this might be way off the mark - but peri menopause is a bastard for anxiety and sleep. In which case talk to the dr. I also find magnesium good but as a friend said the other day, it’s all very bespoke!

Ok- sorry I misunderstood you.

I second all the suggestions you have had so far, and would add in headphones for that 4am wake up- listen to an audio book and try and lay there and “rest” for a bit. Sometimes this does mean I doze back off to sleep which is nice!

Being out in nature is really important.

I would recommend a couple of weeks at least off sick, more if you can manage it.

Some anti depressant medication which will help lift the mood and quieten the inner monologue and reoccurring thoughts.

An appraisal of your lifestyle, work, interactions, responsibilities etc. to see if there's any reasonable adjustments that can be made in order to ease the burnout and prevent things from deteriorating even further.

Spend as much time as you can in nature and green spaces as this has been shown to be a circuit breaker when experiencing stress and unhappiness. Even a temporary relief will help towards healing.

Self care - make sure you're getting enough rest, get some decent quality vitamins and minerals, lots of vitamin D, an adaptogen like Rhodiola Rosea or Ashwagandha to help the body cope with stress.

Hope you can find a way to recover and feel better soon.

For me sleep is the catalyst; stress = waking up at 4 am stressing, then the lack of sleep makes everything worse.

I have a 9kg weighted blanket and I find that sleeping under it keeps me asleep all night. Then with a full night’s sleep I feel much more able to tackle the rest.

I’ve just taken a few days off to avoid going down the burnout path and my aim is to spend roughly 1/3 of the time resting, 1/3 doing enjoyable (for me) and health related things so gentle exercise and cooking some lovely food and 1/3 doing tasks to tackle the source of stress. I have told myself to increase the rest part if I need it!