Does anyone else dislike themselves?

[HateBeingMe]

I really really don't like myself. I know I have very very low self esteem and little confidence esp in social situations. I'm pretty awkward and just feel embarrassed of myself. I hate that I'm so quiet and awkward and I just see myself in a negative light. The sad thing is that I think I have felt like this about myself since I was a child. I don't know why I've turned out like this.

The way i would like to be and the way that I actually am are worlds apart. Id love a personality transplant!

There's times in my life where I'm not too self loathing and have just plodded along not really thinking about it and then there's other times where I just hate me.

I want to ask if anyone else can relate and do you have any advice on how I can help myself.

Yes I used to feel like this but then I had counselling (amongst other things) which really helped me. Definitely worth considering

This resonates with me. I’ve had CBT and still struggle but I have techniques to interrupt the negative thought pattern now and redirect my thoughts. I’d recommend CBT

Lots of people do. You need some professional external input. CBT is a good place to start, if you end up thinking you need deeper talking therapy to deal with the past, you can move on to that.

Yes I do. I’m not a nice person. I’ve tried, but I’m not.

I used to think like this and it still weighs me down sometimes. I particularly hated myself as a child and as a new mum.

What really helped me was to imagine I could go back in time and meet myself then to reassure myself that things would be ok. Its actually really making me cry right now just thinking about it. You've got to be your own champion and best friend sometimes- you're the only 'you' you have and you are enough, but you need to cherish yourself.

I always thought I needed to change myself because I struggle in social situations and feel awkward.
Things have been a whole lot better since I realised I don't.
I'm fine being an introvert. It's not a flaw.
We are told a lot of crap by external influences and we need to stop listening.

I had an odd childhood my Mother wasn’t exactly warm but she did tell us we were better than mere mortals which I’m grateful for as an adult. People with low self esteem are usually the kindest people I know as looking for approval, it also means they are taken advantage of on a regular basis which leads to further issues and self loathing.

People that were bullied as children, have issues with their looks, have been cheated on or suffered DV or are socially anxious seem to have it rough with self esteem. I think counselling is probably the only way forward.

Do you actually know why though op or is it sub conscious? I’m not asking you to bare all just do you know why ?

I've had cbt through NHS for the social anxiety. It didn't help so I went privately for hypnosis. That didn't help either.

However, during a couple of sessions we did some inner child work where I went back to when I was a very young child when I felt like this, furthest back that I could go. I was around 4. I was meant to say what I felt and did with the younger me. And I just remember not liking her and feeling embarrassed of her and massively ashmed of her. I was quite taken aback as it was a child - why on earth would you feel like that about a child so young. He said usually people cuddle and hug their younger selves and my issues seem very deeply rooted in childhood. I had around 2 months of sessions and didn't make any progress so stopped as it was so expensive.

When people say they did counselling are you having a specific type of therapy or is it just general counselling.

LucentBlade I have often wondered why I am the way that I am. There's a myriad of possible things which compounded together has had an influence. Looking back at my childhood family like was ok. We were poor, my parents didn't get along and I was the youngest of 6 and left out alot so I spent alot of time alone. I felt ignored and was yelled at alot by the older siblings. I didn't really feel part of my family. My rule was just blend into the background and don't get anyone mad. I was the same in school. Teachers were awful in infants but lovely in juniors but by which time I think the damage was done.

I try not to think about the why too much as it makes me sad and I have dwelled upon it alot in the past. I feel like I have explored my past alot which had given me a better understanding.

@HateBeingMe

I've had cbt through NHS for the social anxiety. It didn't help so I went privately for hypnosis. That didn't help either.

However, during a couple of sessions we did some inner child work where I went back to when I was a very young child when I felt like this, furthest back that I could go. I was around 4. I was meant to say what I felt and did with the younger me. And I just remember not liking her and feeling embarrassed of her and massively ashmed of her. I was quite taken aback as it was a child - why on earth would you feel like that about a child so young. He said usually people cuddle and hug their younger selves and my issues seem very deeply rooted in childhood. I had around 2 months of sessions and didn't make any progress so stopped as it was so expensive.

When people say they did counselling are you having a specific type of therapy or is it just general counselling.

When you say you ‘made no progress’ in two months, what do you mean, OP? What were you expecting or hoping would come about?

Birdsnesting so when I first started the sessions we discussed what I wanted to achieve and I told him to be feel less overwhelmed in social situations as I had started a new job around that time and was finding it really difficult. I'm not sure if in we being unrealistic but even a tiny bit of a difference would have felt like a big improvement.

My counselling was just regular talking therapy, although I did try cbt for anxiety/ depression years before. The cbt worked a bit but I found that you had to do a lot of homework between sessions to really get the benefit.
Regular counselling made a huge difference to me. My issues were quite complex so I did end up going for almost a year but it has changed my life forever so well worth it. We did a lot of work centred around my abusive mother and ex. My mum was awful to me as a child and did not want me around at all which meant that even when very young I felt worthless, unloved and sad. I am also autistic, only diagnosed aged 40 so I grew up not fitting in and always feeling like an outcast/ different to everyone else which further hurt my self esteem as I interpreted that as something being wrong with me. The man I saw specialised in autism so was also able to help me accept my quirks and let go of the inner shame that so many autistic people experience (particularly those who grew up without a diagnosis). So in my case there were some very specific things to work on with my counsellor, which then helped my social anxiety, confidence etc. I wonder whether working generally on confidence or social anxiety etc would wield the same results, if there wasn’t a clear root cause to focus on

Dear OP when you spell out your childhood situation like that it sounds as though your family was in survival mode not cherishing mode. It was not you as a person that caused this but the lack of cherishing made you feel worthless. Somehow you need to be able to love yourself. Can you find something about yourself to praise and build out from thst? You are clearly a thoughtful and reflective person and also tenacious. Those are three very good personality traits. Also you write well and expressively which are excellent skills. And you have a new and challenging job (and I hope find it less daunting now) so you don’t let fear get the better of you and have acted to seek help. I guess that’s the same as tenacity plus realisation that support and understanding would be helpful. These are all admirable things about you, to praise yourself for. You may well be in the learned habit of discounting praise, but as a stranger in the night I can see you deserve it. You have been let down by people who should have nurtured you better, not by any fault in you

Thank you for your kind words Copperas I don't blame my family or feel bitter towards them. Its just the way things have turned out for me.

When I had cbt, the therapist asked me to describe myself choosing 3 positive words. I just couldn't think of anything so she asked me to think about it at home. I just couldn't think of anything that I felt was true. She told me she hadn't met anyone who disliked themselves so much which didn't exactly make me feel good.

Do you have any hobbies op? Anything at all?

I used to feel like this as a child. I wished I was someone else. I felt ugly and unlikeable. My parents didn't bother to do much with me. Like they weren't the worst, but we never did anything nice together as a family. My dad had severe mental health problems and was very negative and critical. I don't think I knew really who I was.

As an adult what has helped me slightly is achieving some small goals and having some little hobbies. Things as simple as baking a cake and it going well, doing some exercise, reading a good book.

Would it be worth trying some antidepressants alongside counselling? It sounds like long-standing depression and treating that might make the counselling more effective.

@Hotchocolateandcake

Do you have any hobbies op? Anything at all?

I used to feel like this as a child. I wished I was someone else. I felt ugly and unlikeable. My parents didn't bother to do much with me. Like they weren't the worst, but we never did anything nice together as a family. My dad had severe mental health problems and was very negative and critical. I don't think I knew really who I was.

As an adult what has helped me slightly is achieving some small goals and having some little hobbies. Things as simple as baking a cake and it going well, doing some exercise, reading a good book.

^ this, about the small goals, and being proud of every achievement however small it may seem to you.

Following thread with interest

OP