Finding the nest too empty

[Shoegal0305]

I'm really struggling. Single parent since son was 3. He recently left home unexpectedly, to pursue a job he really wanted 2 hours away. I'm mega proud of him but I'm struggling so much. I've just spent a few days with him. Tomorrow I'm heading home. Will see him 2 nights just before Christmas but Christmas we will be apart as I'm working the whole period so he's staying with his dad. I have no family support. Friends are good but they have their own lives and aren't there all the time. I just need some positivity as at the minute there's a huge black cloud over me. I know the signs are there that I'm struggling and I feel that the slightest thing will push me over the edge.

Sending you a hug OP. Totally understandable that you will feel this way. You need to give yourself time to adjust before you carve a new path in life.

@BurnedToast thank you. I'm sat here in tears. Menopause doesn't help! 😫

I'm staying in a lovely place but yet again I'm on my own. My son gone home as he's working tomorrow. Tomorrow I drive 2 hours away from him back to my empty house. My mum has been really poorly, very complex but my mum is no support due to mental health and I've always been the 'adult'. Work is relentless. Knowing how everyone seems to be gearing up for a family Christmas doesn't help either. I try and be positive but it's not easy. My son was meant to stay here with me but he reluctantly stayed one night. He's 19, I get it, he has his life and like I say I try and be positive.

It is hard. But you've done your job - your adult son is able enough to make his own way in the world. Once you've adjusted you need to make some changes- decorate your home, new hobbies, change if job, move? It's a new phase in your life.

It's can't be a coincidence that I have 4 dc left home and 4 x ddogs..

yes that's what you need OP. A replacement. We got a dog just as our 2 became teenagers and didn't need us as much. Totally transparent.

@BurnedToast @Santaischeckinglists I had two elderly cats which I lost 2/3 years ago both were a fantastic age. However I worked part time then (single parent) and my son was at home. I'm
Full time now and I am often out of the house 14/15 hours. It wouldn't be fair on an animal. I'd love another car tho it's just not the right time. 😞😞

I'd love another CAT!!! Another car would be nice too!!! 😂

Thought it very true..

@Santaischeckinglists awwwww I love that ❤️

I’m sure an older rescue cat would be very grateful to live in your comfortable home and have the pleasure of your company even if only 9-10 hours per day, if you really would like a cat!

2 dcats would keep each other company until you got home....

Oh OP that’s so heartbreaking. I feel for you. It quite a bad time to be left on your own as winter and Xmas but I’m sure you will build up a life around your new circumstances in no time. It’s very early days. Give it some time and allow yourself to adapt.

It's hard when they leave dd2 left at 16 due to an amazing opportunity, it was tough. Dd1 was a bit slower and left a few weeks ago. I'm not on my own as I met dp a couple of years ago but house is still empty as his dd also returned to university having been with us mostly since November 20

@Shoegal0305, all you need is time for the settling in period for cats. (My autocorrect wanted to say cars! )
Then when they are able to go out, it would all be fine.
Maybe think about it if you have time over the Christmas period? It sounds like you would appreciate some company.
FWIW, I've adopted older cats in the past. They come to you free of the kitten stage of needing lots of play and chewing everything in sight. It might be worth a thought.
I'm familiar with the empty nest thing too - DC 1 left home years ago, DC2 is now contemplating it for early next year.

Thank you for all your replies. It really does help to feel I'm not alone.

Regarding animals, as much as would love one (or two!!!) my work schedule doesn't really allow as I work 12 plus hours days and nights. The nights especially are hard I would imagine with animals as not only am I out the house all night but I'm sleeping all day. Plus for all the heartache I feel when visiting my son (when I leave!) it is nice to be able to throw a bag in the car and go without worrying about who's looking after my cat. I was thinking about volunteering at our local rescue maybe that would satisfy my love for animals without the problems?

Currently sat enjoying a McDonald's breakfast at a service station! Is lush lol. 2 hours and I'll be home. Going to try and be positive and put tree up tomorrow? Son is home for 2 nights just before Christmas so focusing on that.

I think a rescue volunteer would be good or maybe as a volunteer dog walker though I see your more of a cat person.

My cat sleeps for hours every day, surely a pair of older cats would be ok. They are harder to home. We had an old cat that was hard to rehome, he had half his tail missing and both his front teeth. He lived for almost four years and was spoilt. We both worked full time so he was alone from 8am till 6 pm. He had a cat flap so came and went as he pleased.