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HELP!! Confused about men

32 replies

AstroGirl5 · 02/12/2021 14:18

Hi all! I need help and advice. I am divorced with kids, and I've been on a few dates with a divorced dad. The dates have been amazing so far. But... we only see each other once a week. We both work full time, we've got kids, lots on our plates, but I kind of wish we would see each other a bit more. Also, he doesn't text during the day, at all. He's got back to back calls, and he has to focus on work, but so do I. Still, it's clearly not his thing and I don't want to talk to him about it not to make him feel guilty for not texting me. Guilt trips are never good. And he also never seems to want to talk on the phone. I suggested it a couple of times, he ignored the suggestions, and that was that. We now have our next date planned, next week, and he does text me a line every morning and a few exchanges every evening, but that is it. I don't want to screw this up - there are nowadays so many rules in dating!! When we meet, it's amazing, but are we moving too slow? Or is it ok to have a week in between dates and very scarce communication in between? We met online, so he may very well be dating others, too, but I think it's too early to have a talk about being exclusive, so I am not bringing it up. Should I just let him lead and go with the flow?

OP posts:
5thnonblonde · 02/12/2021 20:41

Have you ever been to his house?

AstroGirl5 · 02/12/2021 20:41

His son lives with him, he’s 16. His daughter visits every second weekend…

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 03/12/2021 07:26

Look life is too short for any kind of game playing. If not hearing from him is going to wind you up this much then its not worth it. Don't fall into the trap of sticking with it just because the thought of finding or not finding someone else is daunting. At this early stage you should be mildly irritated, not upset, if he's not been in touch much. See how next week goes. Maybe be upfront that you felt a bit dismissed or ignored. If he runs a mile, fine. If he gets it and apologises and you work out what is the right level for you both, also fine.

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PinotPony · 03/12/2021 08:12

You've only been on a few dates with this chap. It's very early days. So why do you need such regular communication from him? That comes across as being very needy. He has a busy job and children... I would think he just doesn't have time to respond as quickly as you'd like.

Chill out. Step away from your phone. Find other things to occupy your time. And, for gods sake, don't raise it as an issue. If someone I'd started casually dating said I wasn't communicating often enough, I'd think they were hard work and walk away.

FOJN · 03/12/2021 08:57

You seem to be in a rush to "secure" him for yourself before anyone else gets a chance but you barely know him.

Your posts are all about how to conduct yourself without putting him off but why are you thinking more about how you come across to him rather than about what you want? You have already said you don't want to respond to a text because it wasn't meaningful to you and you are upset; you have alluded to this having the potential to be a source of resentment. Ignoring him when he clearly isn't that bothered about very frequent or immediate contact will bother you more than him but if you are already considering such actions then you probably need to question if you are really ready for another relationship.

You could easily have a conversation about your individual expectations without it becoming a big issue but I'm not sure you would be receptive to compromise if they turned out to be different.

He's not the only man out there and your worth is not determined by his enthusiasm for pursuing a relationship with you. If you want more dates then go out with other people, have some fun and perhaps work on building your confidence so that you are less invested in the idea of a relationship as the only way to live a happy life.

ElectraBlue · 03/12/2021 09:36

Be careful not to come as too 'needy' from the start....

You are dating regularly and having a good time, enjoy that but don't invest too much yet. Keep yourself busy and stop thinking about him all the time.

I personally find constant texting/messaging on social media really boring.

I think it is better to get on with your week so you have lots of stuff to chat about when you meet in person.

Frankly if someone wanted me to constantly text/message/call to have the same banal conversations I would not be with them for long. It takes out all the excitement and mystery out of dating.

You are not in a relationship yet so chill...

NewUser123456789 · 03/12/2021 15:27

You sound incredibly needy to me which would be a complete deal breaker. I would move on and find someone equally needy because if you don't give him the boot then he will soon enough.

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