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Is it worth looking into this?

11 replies

whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 13:57

Hi Mumsnetters - I have namechanged but have been a member for a long time...

I am struggling today with a build up of lots and lots of things that have built up over my adult life, and I'm starting to wonder if I need to go to the GP to see if something is going on, or if this is just how I am. I thought I could put these struggles down below and perhaps someone might be able to help me work out what might be going on, is it just down to my mental health, or could something be going on which is more neurodiverse. Thanks in advance for reading because this will be long...

  • Work: I seem to be unable to stick with a job for longer than a year or so. The longest I've ever stayed in a job is about 18 months, and I am in my late 30s. I have always worked in a similar field, but in different roles. I seem to get to a certain point, and think it's 'not right' for me, so go and do something else. I regret almost every one of these decisions, but still do it. I have recently started a new job and am already getting feelings that I need to leave and do something else. I have had CBT and counselling to try and address this, but it hasn't really helped. I seem to just sabotage any job I have - I have worked in some really great organisations in some really interesting roles, but I never seem to be able to stick with it. I recently made the huge decision to change career completely, and move into a different field, because I just felt like I couldn't do the previous role long term. This is almost wholly based on me feeling too rubbish and suffering from 'imposter syndrome' and just feeling generally inadequate. I don't seem to be able to just stay in a job for a long enough period of time to actually get anywhere/make any progress.
  • I feel things very strongly and often feel ashamed of myself, have very low self esteem, think no one likes me etc etc. I struggle in group social situations and find it either impossible to join in with the conversation, or I just totally monopolise the conversation and don't let anyone else get a word in. I don't really know how to 'be' any other way in group situations.
  • As a child I would go red very easily, someone could just say 'hello' to me and I would go red, completely out of the blue. I hated speaking in front of the class etc for this reason. I have overcome this mostly now, however there are still times where I just go bright red for no apparent reason.
  • I am very forgetful and have forgotten quite a few important events recently - if I don't write something down and send myself multiple reminders, I will forget. I forgot to get my child's friend a present recently even though I knew the party was coming up, I have often just completely forgotten about appointments etc. I forgot to turn up to a concert I was supposed to be performing in once...
  • I HATE small talk, it makes me feel physically uncomfortable and I always feel like I'm just being sooo awkward and people just want to get away from me. I can often see people looking really bored when I am talking to them, like they clearly want to just get away from me.
  • People have commented on my tone of voice and the way I speak - they have said that it is very monotonous and lacks pitch/tone. I have to consciously alter the tone of my voice to hopefully make it more interesting/engaging.
  • I like to be prepared for new situations as much as possible - what it looks like, where to park, who will be there etc etc. This might just be what everyone's like, but it makes me anxious if I can't picture somewhere I am going to before hand.

Those are just a few of the things that are getting me down, my MH goes up and down but I am feeling particularly low at the moment. I do have a couple of things in mind that might be going on, but won't mention those here as I want to see what your thoughts are based on those few things.

Sorry that was so long and I really really appreciate any insight anyone can give me! Thank you

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 01/12/2021 14:27

I am in no way qualified to diagnose or suggest anything at all but you sound like a lovely person with a good amount of self-awareness and thoughtful about your own personality - it sounds like some situations are quite tough for you and I wish there was a way I could help you make it easier Flowers

Like everyone else under the sun I've been reading about autism in women and how it presents very differently than in men, is that the direction your thoughts are going?

whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 14:38

@Xiaoxiong thank you so much, your comment has made me quite tearful (I said I feel things quite strongly didn't I!!!)

This had been one of my thoughts, but I don't think I have any of the symptoms 'strongly' enough if that makes sense. I don't know if what I experience is the same for everyone, or if it is particularly difficult for me. I also have no idea how to even go about seeking help, it is all a bit overwhelming.

If it's helpful to know, my daughter is being assessed for possible ADHD but she most definitely had some autistic traits so it is making me question myself. But then I don't know if I'm just being ridiculous! I had thought it's probably not ASC for me because I have a good imagination etc, but perhaps I've just learned coping mechanisms. I have definitely felt I am always different to others socially though, so who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
vinoandbrie · 01/12/2021 14:56

Hello! I’m sorry to be blunt, I am low on time.

You sound great. A really lovely thoughtful and kind person, and I totally understand where you’re coming from.

My DD has ASD. I was in shock - she’s a cuddly, delightful little poppet, full of love and hugs, and very vivid imagination, lots of empathy and so on. However, she also has challenges. I had a hard time processing her diagnosis as when I thought ‘autism’ I didn’t think it looked like my daughter at all.

ASD presents very differently in women and men, and this is something I learnt about only through having such a close family member diagnosed. Having said that, I am no medic, I have no qualifications in this area, I am just a parent of an affected daughter.

I hope I’m not bringing you down by writing this. Like I say, you sound thoughtful, gentle, and kind. Be easy on yourself!

whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 16:13

@vinoandbrie not blunt at all, I really appreciate your thoughts!

It would definitely answer a lot of questions if it is ASC, mainly why I have always felt so much like an outsider. The hard thing is that I am probably perceived as very sociable - I have a good but small group of friends and am always up for going out for a meal etc, I enjoy clubbing etc, so I always just thought it couldn't be autism. There are a few other things though like I absolutely hate to be touched, particularly on my back, even by my husband! And given the choice I would probably mostly like to hang out alone or just with one or two people. Again though, is this not just how everyone feels?

I'm scared if I go to the doc or even tell anyone I'll be laughed out of there as being ridiculous...

OP posts:
Tal45 · 01/12/2021 16:27

I think you tick a lot of boxes for ASD from what you've said - poor executive function, difficulty with small talk, speaking monotonously, uncomfortable with unknown/unplanned situations, don't like touch, prefer to be alone or with one other.

Autism doesn't have to mean you don't like being social at all - but if you moved away from your small circle of friends how would you find that? Would you just slot right in with a bunch of new people or would it be a real struggle not helped by the fact you find small talk awkward?

You don't have to get a diagnosis though if you don't want to, learning about ASD can just help you understand yourself a bit better and accept yourself more perhaps. I definitely don't think you'd be laughed out of there though.

whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 16:50

@Tal45 that's a good point about the friends, I think I'd find it almost impossible to 'start again' now if I had to.

Ironically I have worked with autistic people for almost 20 years so I have done lots of reading. But then again perhaps that's making me read into things too much, argh I don't know!

What is the process for being assessed? Is it GP?

OP posts:
whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 21:00

Just bumping to see if anyone can help with how I would go about being assessed or who I could talk to? Thanks

OP posts:
ofwarren · 01/12/2021 21:03

There are 2 ways to be diagnosed.the NHS route, so you would go to your doctor. The waiting list is a couple of years long though.
Private testing is also available. You can get diagnosis really quickly but it costs around £1000 for all the tests.

whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 21:16

Thanks @ofwarren - wow that is two extremes! Couldn't afford that so will need to go down NHS route. Do you just tell them what you suspect?! Or tell them your symptoms and they refer?

OP posts:
whatsgoingon4987 · 01/12/2021 21:22

@vinoandbrie would you mind sharing what your DD's struggles were/are? She sounds like a lovely person too Smile

OP posts:
whatsgoingon4987 · 04/12/2021 22:02

I just did the AQ test (scored 30, threshold for possible ASD is 26) and the RAADS-R) test (scored 129, threshold is 65). Will definitely be asking the GP for a referral. Anyone know what the waiting lists are like or does it depend on geography? Thanks

OP posts:
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