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Does anyone not talk to in-laws or vice versa?

13 replies

faithfulbird20 · 01/12/2021 10:17

Why?

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 01/12/2021 10:18

What's the context, are you a journalist or are you trying to compare notes with your situation?

saraclara · 01/12/2021 10:27

Looks very much like a journalist fishing, I have to say.

Returnoftheowl · 01/12/2021 10:31

What's your situation OP?

faithfulbird20 · 01/12/2021 10:53

Apologies I'm not a journalist. Just curious.

I don't talk to my sister in law because she drains me. She'll say bad things about my kids to me but never in front of DH. Like add in a cheeky comment here and there. Also never includes me in family photographs but will include my husbands brothers wife.

MIL doesn't talk to me unless I call her. I tried hard to maintain a relationship with her but she accuses me of taking her son away. I've stopped bothering. Luckily they all live abroad except DHs brother and his wife.

OP posts:
Garman · 01/12/2021 10:57

I don't talk to my mil because she's a toxic narcissist and nearly pulled me down with her when I was having a difficult time mentally and emotionally with my first dc, and she treats her own children terribly. Fil is really odd too, and just because he's a cheating asshole he likes to imply his son/my DH is too, says inappropriate things about all women and wouldn't care if he never saw his children or grandchildren again. My head is much clearer and life much simpler since I stopped talking to them.

Quickchangeartiste · 01/12/2021 11:00

I wouldn’t say we don’t talk as such, but I limit my interactions with my MIL because she is extremely needy and self-involved, and after 30 minutes I am utterly exhausted by her.

But she’s also elderly and needs some help, so I slap on a pleasant smile , do what is needed, and then withdraw.

So it’s not so much not talking as just holding firm boundaries.

MindTheGapMoveAlong · 01/12/2021 11:36

Withdrew for my own sanity. PIL always hostile towards me. Made me feel like a bystander at my own wedding. There's a clear demarcation between ‘family’ and others. If you're family (blood relation) you're golden, if not you're dismissed as an interloper who's feelings, emotions, contributions count for nothing. Think the sort of people who deliberately crop you out of family photos when taking them or doctor them afterwards. I know I'm no oil painting but still! Pervy FIL let himself into house ( didn't know he had a key) when was I was alone with newborn. I freaked and hid in bathroom ( only internal door with lock) hears him rummaging through drawers/cupboards in bedroom. My under wear missing afterwards. Heard story about another female (distant relation) saying something about him - roundly dismissed by MIL - which set my spidey senses on fire. Avoided him like the plague ever since. Difficult because DH thinks he's a saint. IMO FIL is a misogynistic bore, loves the sound of his own voice, narcissist and questionable morals. MIL is a piece of work who would cheerfully throw me under a bus; amongst other things ( eg. badmouthing me to people she knew had personal/professional relationships with me) she has form for physically blocking me from collecting our DC from her house, attempting to take DC ‘ for a day out’ from garden without telling me - and that was before I went NC. She did worse, which was when I called time.
Woman of limited intellect except when it comes to cresting drama. And I even feel guilty writing that cause, y’know The Sisterhood.
Yet my DH is a delight and I wouldn't swap him. Always had my back and respects my decision to go NC with his parents. Life is much easier without them in it. Still, I feel sad that this is the situation. No reason for them to hate me the way they do. I'm lucky my family and friends (who’ve seen how they've behaved towards me) are supportive.
Sorry, that was waaaay to long, but cathartic.
I'm going to have to name change now, aren't I?

dinit · 01/12/2021 12:04

I got on well with my MIL until my kids came along... Weird.

But she prattles on, cries at the slightest thing is generally wearing. Not something I grew up with and often does this to get her own way.

She sidled up to me in the kitchen one day and saying "Your family isn't like mine, we're all really close," - since then I've completely disengaged.

I'm polite when I'm around her but don't get involved in the drama and all communication goes through DH. F$ck it if I'm not her family!

Garman · 01/12/2021 12:24

@dinit same here, until we had kids she seemed fine, that seems to mark the point in time for my mil where your fair game to be criticised and bitched about like she does to her own kids.

dinit · 01/12/2021 12:35

@Garman so so weird the kid thing. And sad.

Sn0tnose · 01/12/2021 13:52

We don’t have any contact with DH’s biological father. DH decided he didn’t have the time or energy to pander to his mood swings or temper tantrums anymore so he stopped initiating contact. It sounds minor but it was really bad and was getting worse. His father sent a couple of pretty abusive text messages. DH didn’t respond and that was that.

MiL has my mobile number but she’s not particularly keen and we don’t have a relationship where either of us would ever contact the other. I know she’s much closer to the other two DiLs though and they chat regularly. I did try hard for the first few years and it did really bother me that she clearly didn’t like me but the older I get, the less I care. Our tolerance of each other is very much for DH’s sake.

I think the world of SFiL and was very close to SMiL before we lost her.

faithfulbird20 · 01/12/2021 13:53

Mine is a total drama queen and I mean legit. Question or challenge her about anything or if things don't go her away she'll threaten she'll pack her bag and leave. Or she'll 'faint' and act like she's giving her final words. Whole house then submits to her.

OP posts:
MindTheGapMoveAlong · 01/12/2021 16:57

Is anyone else in this situation dreading the demise of the PIL? Worried there’ll be immense pressure to ‘be nice’ to the survivor but determined not to cave. Need to be clear with DH that it's his territory/ responsibility not mine. After all, when lovely DM lost her DH I didn't expect my DH to take the lead in organising anything or helping out, so there's a precedent. Anticipating some hostility from (single) BIL if I don't step up but that his problem, no?

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