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Original poster

Just found a vape

16 replies

TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2021 07:57

In my 16yo daughters bedroom.
I’m a bit shocked, a bit not shocked and a bit sad. Found it on her floor when I went to wake her up. Asked her where it had come from, she blearily responded that she had found it on the floor and took it home because she thought it would be cool to paint it Hmm
She has quite poor mental health (waiting for an assessment before she can start on medication), I always had a deep down fear that she would turn to drugs/alcohol as an emotional crutch for some reason, so I think this is partly why I’m not as shocked as I thought I’d be.
For disclosure I’ve got an e-cigarette and smoked before that (around 7 years ago).
I don’t smoke it around the kids although they know I have one, it’s in no way a secret. I know it’s bad thing to do regardless and do take some responsibility that I’ve been a terrible influence on her.
Think I’m worried that this is just a small thing of bigger things I don’t know about.
We have a good relationship, she does with her dad also. She has a stable and loving home life, her dad and I are her biggest champions and support her as much as she wants/needs.
I’m feeling a bit lost, we’ve really had a tough time with her for the past couple of years, she’s always seemed quite fragile.
I don’t know why I’m posting really. Just I think I’m hoping for people to tell me it’s just a phase Grin but I’m realistic.
Anyone want to chat to me before I go to work?

OP posts:
spotcheck · 01/12/2021 08:00

Vaping isn't drugs.
Loads of kids move directly on to vaping without having smoked first

I think perhaps you are worrying a bit too much?
And I'm not sure why you hid your e cigarette from them? Kicking a habit is nothing to be ashamed of

Moaningturtle · 01/12/2021 08:02

Obviously no parent wants to find out their kid is vaping or smoking. But at 16 I’m going to say it’s one of those things most of us did (but with cigarettes)!

I definitely could have been caught with 10 B&H in my school bag at that age, I didn’t really smoke properly and never went on to be a smoker. But I thought it looked cool and my friends did it etc etc.

Not sure what the best course of action is though, confiscate it and an ear lashing about the dangers of vaping?

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/12/2021 08:03

I'm not at this stage with much younger DC. My first thoughts are, its only a vape, its not as bad (by a long way) as "proper" smoking. And smoking doesn't lead to drugs.

I smoked from age 14, when it seemed like most people did, before the ban. Looking back its hard to believe how common it was!

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 08:04

It IS just a phase. You will get through this, and you sound like a lovely mum. A lot of teenagers are just utter pains. Try and keep as breezy and upbeat as you can, when dd went down her black hole I think part of the problem was I went down with her, so lost all perspective and couldn’t support her. She will be ok.Flowers

bethabean · 01/12/2021 08:04

Oh gosh I vaped at 16! Had never smoked in my life and don't now (nor do I vape) but I was an angsty teenager who thought it was cool back then Blush I cringe now!

Original poster
TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2021 08:24

@spotcheck it’s just that I go outside to smoke it as I used to when really smoking. I wouldn’t be sitting on the sofa with the kids and just whip it out and puff away.
I was already in the habit of going outside smoking anyway and I just continued this with my e-cigarette.

@BlueFlavour thanks, i think what you said about going down a black hole with her has really struck a chord with me that I wasn’t even aware of Shock it’s quite profound!

Thank you to everyone who has posted to give me a bit of moral support. She’s off most of today, only going in for her mocks, and her dad is at home today, he said he’s going to have a heart to heart with her and just let her chat.
I know it’s ‘only vaping’ and at least I haven’t found anything worse in her room but I don’t actively go looking, it was literally next to her bed on the floor, I have no idea what else she might be hiding in there and I don’t feel right now that I want to invade her privacy and go searching in there.
I found a similar vape thing in the garden a couple of weeks ago and presumed it had been left there from a party we had. Now I suspect it was hers. I still might be wrong about that. But I don’t think I am!
I was doing a lot worse behind my mums back at her age but we weren’t close and I was really unhappy living at home. Maybe there’s no link between the happiness and the vape…

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 01/12/2021 08:29

Vaping is surprisingly popular among teens right now. Most of my son's friends do it, including my son. However, it could be worse and I make sure he vapes the non nicotine juice. I don't love that he does it but it's not a secret and it could be a lot worse.

BlueFlavour · 01/12/2021 08:32

I hope it helps @TheChosenTwo. She’s 19 and just about through it all now, with a few blips, but I really wish I’d managed to stand back a bit and stay safe and reassuring for her.
When she crumbled, so did my world Sad. Try and keep interested in your own life, so you can keep everything ticking over.
Flowers. I hope she gets assessed soon, that will help with your worries.

Original poster
TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2021 08:38

I’m not naive, I quietly suspected that it would happen, I see a lot of much younger kids doing it on their way to school etc.
I think I just instantly felt that we’d let her down and had been terrible role models to her (dh smokes rollies occasionally, we have a smoking tin in a kitchen cupboard) and that we had normalised smoking/vaping.
We lead by example after all.
So I felt massively responsible.
Right, I’m off to work, thanks for helping me get a bit of a grip Flowers

OP posts:
milkysmum · 01/12/2021 08:39

I think vaping is just a really big craze at the moment unfortunately. My dd is 12 ( year 8) and I found one in her pocket a few weeks ago. Turns out half the year is smoking them, on the bus, in town, some even in the toilets at school! I spoke to school and they said they are having a huge problem with them right now. Dd is not someone I would have suspected to have been vaping, but she did, and now has to have the freedom of going to town etc with friends reduced right now.
It doesn't help that they really do seem marketed at children in many ways- bright colours, fruity flavours ....

ZenNudist · 01/12/2021 08:44

You need to talk her through the dangers. There's some really unsettling research about the effect on the lungs of vaping. Even without nicotine. It is not harmless. If I were you I'd work to give up as an example.

WayneKorr · 01/12/2021 09:15

One of mine started smoking. Too old to be told, so I played it down, going against every instinct
Lasted about a year and now is so anti smoking its hard to believe
These things were sent to test us

Original poster
TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2021 16:28

Dh had a chat with her today, I’ve had a chat with her this evening. She bought it online and she’s put in the bin now. She may have more, we don’t know. She may buy more, she may not.
She told dh she just wanted to try it.
We’ve told her she’s too young to vape (and smoke).
At the end of the day if she wants to keep doing it she will do it regardless of whether or not we’ve told her not to. At her age I was having the occasional sneaky fag and my mum would have beaten me black and blue if she found out. If my dad had found out he probably would have cried Confused
Anyway, I feel a bit better this evening, I was a bit upset about it all this morning but she’s a teenager and going through a lot herself at the moment. I’m disappointed of course but I’m not prepared to shout at her about it, that doesn’t make anyone feel good and in this case I feel it would be totally counterproductive. Others would handle it differently I know. I don’t want to push her away.
Thanks for sharing and for the really helpful insightful comments everyone, I really appreciate it

OP posts:
Original poster
TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2021 16:29

Whoops, meant to add some Flowers to the end of my post for the kind words this morning.

OP posts:
teen545 · 21/12/2021 01:33

@TheChosenTwo just to give an opinion from a 15 year olds viewpoint this is now extremely common and I wouldn't worry. My friends and I do this intermittently and although I know its not the best it is mainly just for fun and if you are stressed about exams etc it just helps a bit. Obviously don't encourage it but also don't be strict since ultimately she'll do it anyway

Original poster
TheChosenTwo · 21/12/2021 10:36

Thanks @teen545 - I’m afraid a parent’s sole purpose seems to be worrying about their children! I don’t think it ever ends either.
I understand where you’re coming from, I think it’s so prevalent these days and it’s just so unhealthy, so actively ‘bad for you’ - she’s very young!

OP posts:
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