Dad's funeral tomorrow. Any tips to get me through it?

[SoFuckingTired]

Still feels so surreal. I'm worried it'll hit me tomorrow and I'll break. How do I get through it?

Sorry for your loss, Just look after yourself I focussed on me and mum, that was it no one else mattered If people got there were late etc it didn’t matter I was completely selfish and it did hit me during the service but it was nice and one bit even made me laugh I miss him but even now it still feels surreal, I hope it goes as well as it can.

I’m so sorry for your loss x

It was my father’s funeral a week ago tomorrow - it still seems a blur. I relied heavily on the support of my husband and those who came to pay their respects. I tried to focus in on the positives people were saying about dad to give me some comfort.

I had been dreading it, and whilst it was hard, it wasn’t as bad as I’d built it up to be in my head. You must grieve how you need to grieve - people won’t be there to judge you at such a hard time. Best wishes for tomorrow x

I am not sure how I got through DF's funeral 4 years ago, think I was slightly in denial. The little personal touches helped. I read a poem, but had DH and the celebrant ready to take over if needed.

I am sorry for your loss, and sending a hand hold for tomorrow

In my experience:
You will cry - it's normal. You've lost somebody you love and care for.
It may well pass in a bit of a blur. I can remember some of the details of DF's funeral, but not all.
Take your time, especially if you need to speak at any point to any or all of the attendees.
If you need some time to yourself, take it and don't worry about it.
Don't worry about trying to speak to everyone who's there. The people who know and understand what you've been through really won't mind. The rest don't matter.
Try to eat before you go. You might not feel like it but you will feel ill later if you don't. Also, if there is to be any form of wake, make sure you eat there, and especially if you have a glass or two in your dad's memory.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's horrible to lose a parent, and while we know they are older than us, whatever age they pass away at, it's still a horrible shock, even if it's expected in any degree.

You will be ok and you will get through it. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Alongside the sorrow that I know you will feel, I also hope that you will feel that you have recognised and celebrated your much-loved Dad.

Thank you all for your kind replies. I'm so sorry for your losses also. Although it happens to us all eventually it's such a hard thing to go through. Also relieved to know it's not just me that was still in denial by the funeral. Did the funeral help to accept it? I so wish that this were all a bad dream

My Dad died in the summer so I can understand your hurt. To be honest it still feels surreal to me - it’s hard but Life carries on. The funeral helped as it was a focus but it’s a horrible thing to loose a beloved parent. Just take it day by day and accept that there will be tears - he will be missed and that’s ok. It’s ok to laugh at stories tomorrow too good luck

I'm so sorry for your loss. I always lose it at funerals so when my dad passed away last year I thought it would be unbearable. Quite frankly the whole thing on the day felt like an out of body experience. It didn't feel like it was happening. In a sense that really helped. I can only remember fragments of it. I felt detatched. The coming months will help you slowly come to terms with it all. If you want to pm me tomorrow please do as it's good to vent x

On the morning of my dads funeral there was a train derailment that involved a lot of carriages transporting fuel. There was a huge fireball and the next village has to be evacuated. The track took several weeks to fix as it smelted. My dad loved trains so in a way it took my mind to that. And thinking that my dad would have been fascinated by it all.

I lost mum in August, dad 4 years ago ( I'm 49). I was dreading both funerals but actually I found some relief on the day from all the crying. Reach out to family and friends, they will help you get through this. The new reality does sink in eventually and hopefully you have lots of good memories to draw on.
I am so sorry for your loss, losing a parent is truly life changing.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Practical knowledge: the funeral car takes you there, it doesn’t bring you home. Don’t drive afterwards.

Yes, the funeral will be hard but if you can make the day about the real person and not idealised, that will help.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My beloved grandfather died unexpectedly when I was in my late 20s. Hit us all like a tonne of bricks. My mum was a walking ghost at that funeral, it was terrible. The one thing that I’ll say is that we had each other and we clung to one another- sometimes literally- for dear life. Especially during the service. Me, both my parents, my sisters and aunts and uncles and my granny were all in that front pew gripped onto one another’s hands like a human chain. So make sure you look after your other family members and have people prepped to look after you. My now DH was brilliant at watching me and seeing when I needed a hand hold or a reassuring smile across the room.

The reception was better and it was lovely to hear stories about him and people had brought photos. There’s was a lot of comfort in that.

Thinking of you @SoFuckingTired.

So sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love xx

Thank you all. I'm dreading it x

@SoFuckingTired I had a huge panic attack the night before DF's funeral, and didn't think I would be able to get out of the car at the crematorium. Somehow, I got the strength to get through it, another poster described it as an out of body experience and I think that sums it up how it was for me. There were many tears (crying now too). Reach out for support from whoever you can.

Deep breaths. There is a collective of Mnetters supporting you too. Post here whenever you need to as well.

Sending love x

Had my DDad 's funeral less than a year ago. I just kept thinking this is the last thing I can do for him and that have me the strength.

It's 5 years today since my dad's funeral, it passed by in a blur and I got through it by concentrating on being strong for my mum. Hope it's gone aswell as a funeral can.

Im so sorry for your loss, and hope today has gone as well as it can.
I lost my mum in August, and I actually found the day after the funeral harder. Probably some kind of adrenelin crash. Just be kind to yourself over the coming weeks and months. It's a tough road to walk x

Sorry for your loss, OP.

You will get through it. I echo what people have said above re a strange sense of detachment.

Wishing you all the strength you need xx

I don't know if it would help you, but it helped me - I wore dark sunglasses to Dad's funeral - which did two things - it allowed me to tear up without other people noticing, and it created a kind of safety barrier I could hide behind from what was going on around me. I took them off about halfway through - but they were there if I needed them. Might be worth popping a pair in your bag or pocket.

I hope you're ok, OP.
I expect you are beyond tired.
Take it easy for a while.

This is just one of those terrible life experiences we have to go through.
Just remember that it is perfectly fine to show how upset you are, it is an important part of the whole grieving process, and strangely I found that it was not the worst part either.

I think you will find that much of it will be quite positive as people will love to share happy memories of your dad.

I hope it goes well for you all, and so sorry for your loss.

I’m sorry for your loss. I haven’t been through it personally but DH lost his mum suddenly in 2017 (he was 27, she was only 51 ) and it was a real shock. He got through the service fine but he had to leave the meal afterwards to cry in private because people at the other end of the table were laughing and joking about something unrelated. He said it felt absolutely surreal that anyone could laugh when his world had just collapsed.

I suppose I’m (inelegantly) trying to say that the grief might hit you unexpectedly so go easy on yourself ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. My father died a few months ago. The funeral was difficult as to be expected but I had my husband and son there. Because my son was there I just couldn’t fall apart and had a job to do of making sure he was ok. I didn’t think of anything other than my son and kind of blocked most of it out. The wake was ok although tiring as I just couldn’t be bothered with talking to everyone if that makes sense. It kind of finalised everything for me. I really hope it goes ok for you.

My dad died 16 months ago. I went to his funeral. It felt like we were playing make-believe and it still hasn’t really registered with me that he's gone.

I cried with my daughter but because she was devastated [that her grandad was dead] but I haven't been able to make the connection that my dad has gone.

People ask me how I'm bearing up and I say “getting there” but I never wasn’t (if that makes sense). Don’t even know why I'm woffling now.