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Original poster

Going from SAHM to full time....thoughts?

17 replies

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 09:41

I have been a SAHM since my oldest was born however I'm looking at returning to work now my youngest is at school. I loved being at home for that time but I'm really ready to go back to work now. My husband works erratic hours and we haven't any family locally so I was anticipating going part time for practicality but also so I can be around in the holidays to spend that time with them. Possibly looking at moving into education for that reason (not totally unrelated to what I did previously).

I've seen a job which looks amazing and would really suit my passions and training, but is full time. If I got it then my husband may be able to reduce his hours but for the interim it would be very hectic.

My main concern is how I would feel not being as present for the kids. I know a lot of people do work full time on here so I would really appreciate your honest experiences. If you had the choice would you still work full time? Do you feel like you miss out?

I know it makes sense financially but we've adjusted to enable me to be at home the last few years so financial reasons won't really be enough to make me choose it. I have anxiety about missing out on the kids growing up but maybe I'm being melodramatic!

OP posts:

Samanabanana · 30/11/2021 09:45

I work full time TTO. DH works full time too. Not going to lie, it's hard work. Life was much easier when I worked 4 days/week TTO. Obviously the holidays are wonderful and I get to spend more time with the DCs than most though so that makes up for it!

Original poster

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 09:52

@Samanabanana

Thank you, do you teach? I feel I could cope with the manic terms if I got the holidays off. However I would need to retrain as a teacher to be on an equivalent to my old salary and to still enable my husband to cut down hours. Feels a big commitment to completely change career!

OP posts:

Original poster

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 09:54

This particular job could basically be what I'd write as my dream job before kids...so now I'm wrestling with that and my desire to be part time/TTO to be with the kids.

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DebIr · 30/11/2021 09:59

Would apply and ask about part-time at end of interview. Many employers will negotiate for right person.
And most know they get more from an 80% employee than 4/5 of a full time for example.
It is tough working full time especially if you have no support for holidays/ sickness for example

OhMyCrump · 30/11/2021 11:17

I've been in your shoes, I had all the guilt, I know exactly what you mean.
I went for the full time option. It is hard work at first, especially as you adjust.
I'm not in education so I also have to find holiday childcare (or did, mine are now older and as there is now more acceptance of working from home I manage the holidays without using clubs now).
I would say you need really reliable childcare and also outsource as much as possible like cleaning, so your weekends are free for quality time.
I couldn't afford a cleaner myself but did the Organised Mum Method which basically means a bit every day, and meant my weekends weren't spent catching up which was great.
On the whole definitely the right decision for me.

OhMyCrump · 30/11/2021 11:19

One brilliant bit of advice I had at the time was a friend asking me 'what would you do if you thought you wouldn't be judged?'.
That really helped me understand how much of my guilt was based on what I thought people might think.

LittleoldTERFy · 30/11/2021 11:26

OP only consider doing this IF your DH pulls his weight. Working full time/looking after the kids and looking after the home is a killer. If he reduces his hours will he actually use those hours to do something that needs doing - or will he just baby sit.

The other day my youngest had a parents 'walk about' at her class, we have never even been inside yet due to covid. I couldn't go because I couldn't get the time off work, she was asking why I wasn't going in with the other mummies. I was heart broke walking away to work.

I have just managed to get the time off for her nativity.

Only do this if you are super organised and have a shit load of support of your DH.

Narcos · 30/11/2021 11:36

I just went back FT after 5 years off. Was looking for part time but getting nowhere so started applying for full time roles with a view to go part time after getting some recent experience on my c.v. but I actually love being full time. Really enjoying being back at work and, like you, I was so ready to get back into it.
I manage full time around my husbands shifts with a bit of working from home and my employers have also been really flexible with me when I have to do the school runs.
Would say apply and ask for the flexibility you require if you get an offer. I have been surprised how flexible employers have been when I was applying for roles.
But yes it is manic trying to get all of the things done but I wouldn't consider not working now as enjoying it so much.

mindutopia · 30/11/2021 11:55

I don't work full-time technically (I work 4 full days a week plus evenings, with Friday off, but my youngest is preschool age). If they were both in school, I would certainly be happy to work full-time but with both the option for flexible working and would expect dh to equally build in flexibility so that it's not just me running around. In my case, even though I only work 4 days (I used to work FT but still compressed hours over 4 days), I still work flexibly and dh still does his equal share of the school runs, the after school hours, the homework, cooking, etc. as there are days when I am out of the house 6am-8pm.

Personally, I find the after school hours to be really tricky. It's not like a nice fun relaxing time with my dc. They are tired and grumpy and largely just want to snack and watch tv and decompress. It's not really quality time. My older one does go to after school club a few days a week and really enjoys it, much more than being home with me being bored. I would much rather work more and buy more flexibility and annual leave to be able to spend time with them that we can really make good use of.

But what's also important is that it's not just me doing it all. Dh is very senior (company director) and works long hours, but he still does half the running around and we both balance flexible working. This means that our dc get time with him as well as me, so it works to their advantage too.

Embracelife · 30/11/2021 11:58

You ll be fine
Dc will be fine
The dc will remember you being present at evenings weekends holidays
So long as you are present at those times
So do it
hire cleaner so weekends are for dc
Do it and try for 12 months

mindutopia · 30/11/2021 11:59

I, however, would really caution thinking of teaching as a way to more free time and quality time with your dc though. I have several friends who are teachers. They do not have nice flexible jobs with good work-life balance. All their dc are in after school clubs til 5-6pm. They are up writing reports and doing marking in the evenings and on weekends. And school holidays aren't really 'holidays' for them. They are doing prep and cleaning out classrooms and more report writing and inset days, etc.

Samanabanana · 30/11/2021 12:13

@Exhausted5487 I don't teach, I work in student recruitment so have none of the lesson planning, etc., which takes up a fair bit of my colleague's holiday time, which is something to think about if hoping to move into teaching. There's plenty of decently paid, non-teaching roles in FE if you don't want to retrain...

Harsharse · 30/11/2021 12:15

I do but I am in a 50-50 partnership with my DH for EVERYTHING. You need to be clear with him. Especially as you have been a SAHP, he will be used to it.

DH and I are lucky enough to work flexibly enough to allow us to do all pick ups and drop offs. We use holiday clubs for some of the holidays.

My house is definitely not as tidy as my SAH/PT friends but I’ve seen too many of them in financial difficulty when DH leaves or struggling to get back into the workplace after a long break.

Change123today · 30/11/2021 13:16

Agree with a few other comments - their father has to be part of the coordination.I worked FT when they went to nursery & more recently part time while the youngest at primary school - now back to FT.
Both my children loved the before school/after school clubs. My youngest only went one day a week and was happy to increase her time there! Also the Breakfast club worked perfectly as they both didn’t cope with the madness of the school run so being gently dropped off at 8am worked better for them.
I asked the school to ensure school emails go to both parents - this is the biggest annoyance of mine why it’s not automatic! We both access the dinner money app & homework apps and I expect him if he home to check it to make sure he reminds them to do it!
Holiday clubs - we split Feb/October between us. And leave we took together for Easter and summer. My older daughter liked the cheap sport club she had friends that went and she was fine. Younger ones liked the drama ones (bloomin expensive) but if meant she was happy to go so had to add that expense.

Mine our now 18 & 12. I’ve always worked and yes at times it’s been hard balancing sickness. But between dad and I we’ve never missed a parent being at any event - whether one of us goes or both. We try to corordinate that one of us is home afterschool - again not always but the 12 year old is happy confident and can be trusted.

This still amazes me the amount of Dads that don’t attend the school events :( I dread to think the money spent on child care - but no regrets.

It worked for us but it depends on the children as well and their happiness. Husband and I worked very much as a team - drop/pickups etc. Everything in the diary so we can coordinate work etc

Original poster

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 13:45

Thank you, it just feels such a big step.

I don't think they would be able to make it part time however I might ask if I can work some longer days in the term time so I can take back the time in holidays.

Such good advice about sharing the load with dh - he agrees that he would need to do more if I go back to work but I do feel the mental load would probably still lie with me until he sorted his hours out, due to some ongoing health issues he has. I think we need to keep chatting about this if I end up applying because it's feels hectic enough as it is (I know that probably sounds ridiculous given I'm currently not working). It's currently worked well for everyone with me being a SAHM but I'm ready to work again and it would free DH up to be more present.

OP posts:

Original poster

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 13:47

@mindutopia

This is what puts me off as I know it's not the easy solution. Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Exhausted5487 · 30/11/2021 13:47

@Embracelife

You ll be fine Dc will be fine The dc will remember you being present at evenings weekends holidays So long as you are present at those times So do it hire cleaner so weekends are for dc Do it and try for 12 months

Thank you, that's really reassuring and encouraging to read.

OP posts:

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