DD birthday trip out - paying for meal

[OrangeSunset]

DD is going for a meal out with 3 friends for birthday. She’ll be 13.

What’s the etiquette for who pays? This is their first meal out without adults. If it were adults going for a birthday meal, we would expect to pay for ourselves, but is it different at 13?

I had been thinking that we would pay for the meal, give them a budget each ie enough for drink, main, dessert, tip then anything else they pay themselves?

All previous parties we have paid for everything due to the format. This is new territory! But I need to let the parents know as don’t want anyone worrying about money/how to pay.

I would say that you still pay.

Yes as adults, we would usually payof our own but they aren’t adults earning a wage.

In saying that, I would always send my children with money “just in case” in scenarios like this.

Just let the guests know at the point of inviting
My similar age dd would do this via WhatsApp or similar
She’d say mum’s paying it’s part of my present
Then I’d transfer the money to dd she’d pay on her debit card.
Some places e.g. Pizza Hut don’t take cash now

I’d definitely pay. Is it likely they’ll go OTT? If not just give DD enough to cover it.

You pay for the whole thing.

I'd expect that you would pay for the meal as its basically a birthday party. Will you be picking them up afterwards? If it were me I'd pay when I picked them up and mention this to the restaurant when booking.

I’d still pay.

We did this for DD's 13th. They went to the Harvester and I paid. I didn't give them a budget but the bill ended up being a lot lower than I'd expected. They didn't go crazy at all.

DD is 15 and we’ve had a mix, we always pay and usually chose a restaurant that has a happy hour menu. Other friends dd has paid for her own.
Given that they are all children I think parents of birthday child should pay.

You pay. There’s no set cost. They’re not exactly going to go crazy on anything, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you have been involved in the organisation/been in contact with the parents as you seem to then I would expect you to pay. Older teens often organise themselves to meet for a Nando's on birthdays which parents have nothing to do with and don't always pay but at 13 I would expect you to.

When I was 13 we would all have paid for ourselves, parents wouldn’t have been involved with the arrangements at all. Often there would be over 10 of us for birthday meals. It sounds like things might have changed though! I think parents are much more involved for longer now.

You have to pay, but have a word with the manager about budget and drink choices beforehand.
Either that, or when my dd had a day with friends at a theme park for her birthday, we gave the girls enough cash to cover a meal and drinks and sent them on their way.

Me I arranged in advance, meal and two drinks covered, any extras they would have to pay for themselves, bill paid upfront by you guys.

Sorry meal paid in advance with a set menu arranged in advance.

If your DD has invited the friends then you pay. Obviously choice of restaurant and budget is sorted by you and your daughter beforehand.
It gets more "let's go and have a pizza on my birthday" when they're older and there's no parental involvement at the planning stage.

I'd treat it as a birthday party, so you pay. I'd probably look for somewhere that offer a set menu/deal so I new cost in advance.

If my kid had been invited I'd send them with their own money just in case, but be suprised if they needed it.

At age 13, I think the parent should pay. Also your dd invited her friends to pizza rather than it being a joint decision to eat out.

At 13 we still paid but partly that was because it was generally only around 4 girls but now at 15 they all pay for themselves - partly as you never really know until the night how many are going to turn up (it's anywhere between 8-15!) and it's all organised between themselves anyway.

I think it's a good thing overall as they've all become experts on where does good deals, at what times and how to split the bill.

Excellent, this is what I thought.

I’m planning to look at the menu with DD before and think about how much they might spend. She’ll then have enough on her card to pay, and I’ve discussed with her how to check the bill and check the tip amount etc. Then it’s over to them.

I agree that once they have jobs and are organising the trips themselves it’s different.

If the birthday person's parents have any part in the planning or logistics, they pay.

Checking the tip is a good idea.
My eldest went out with her friend in the summer to Nandos and gave a £15 tip on bill that came to just under £40.

DS was invited to the same set up a couple of weeks ago. The birthday child's parents paid, although I did send him with £20 and told him to offer to pay his share as it would be good manners. The mum who organised it appreciated the gesture, but insisted on paying. It's basically a more grown up version of a birthday party.

I would pay for all of them.

Agree if you can afford it you should pay. Also agree to setting a budget with your DD but make sure she's got some extra on her card just in case.

I agree you pay. Can you just pay the bill when you pick them up? Or pay over the phone at the end of the meal? Xo