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Original poster

Finally been offered new job, but instead of feeling happy I’m crying about it, does that mean it’s wrong?

47 replies

WhatAboutDessert · 29/11/2021 22:30

Been in current job 11 years, very senior, good salary. Always been my dream job but I’m very much taken advantage of and dumped on, overloaded with stuff. No progression opportunities and frequently end the week exhausted and broken. Been terrible for mental health and very up and down.

Finally been offered new job having been looking 9 months. A good five figure salary increase, interesting position, great scope for advancement, job title maybe not as prestigious sounding, awful commute but only need to go in once a week and rest will be working from home. It is very flexible working hours and they are very family friendly (I have two primary school age children).

I should be celebrating but I feel absolutely sick. I don’t want to see my current role advertised as I know it will really upset me. I don’t know if it’s fear of change or that I don’t really want to leave.

OP posts:

Kenwouldmixitup · 30/11/2021 07:41

Your employer is desperate for you to start as soon as possible but you need a break to refresh. Perhaps start as you mean to go on - starting one week later following a 3 month notice will make little difference. So if you need a week’s break between jobs, address your needs first, otherwise you’ll be setting up the same patterns from your current job.

HolidayTime2021 · 30/11/2021 07:42

@Kenwouldmixitup

That could be the day you die in a car crash.

Life assurance comes with pension provision- you need to have no break.

S2617 · 30/11/2021 07:50

Don’t confuse happiness with fear of change. It is natural as you will be changing something critical in life. Take a few days off your current role, put things in perspective and then make a decision.

You applied for a reason.

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BocolateChiscuits · 30/11/2021 08:51

Just cos you feel it, doesn't mean it's real.

You could've cried for all sorts of reasons: relief, fear, burnout, all of the above. But it doesn't mean there is something wrong about your new job. Go for it.

I agree with previous posters - get a break between jobs, of they're the right place your new job will be okay with waiting a couple of weeks longer. Plus your current job might be okay with letting you go a little earlier, and you'll be able to use up any accrued holiday (I realise this maybe nothing at this time of year).

Eyesofdisarray · 30/11/2021 08:56

Left my old job and took a new one with a salary drop and still don't regret it!!
Got promotion after a few years anyway.
Good luck OP - maybe you cried with relief and excitement 😊

fluoropostit · 30/11/2021 08:58

Fear of change / institutionalised (don’t think this gets talked about enough) / burnout.

Try and wangle a couple of weeks off - week one, cast off the old, week two, ready and organised for new job.

Congrats to you and good luck!

DDivaStar · 30/11/2021 09:05

Definitely fear of change after 11 years its enviable. Also relief of finally getting a role that could improve your job satisfaction. Congratulations.

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/11/2021 09:05

I think its probably related to relief and the realisation that your old job wasn't the dream job it should have been. A little worry the new job won't live up to expectations too.

Good luck, you will be smashing.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 30/11/2021 09:06

Not necessarily, When I started my current job it involved a move to a new city, was single, no kids and mid twenties. I spend the day before I started wandering around my new city aimlessly, trying not to cry.

Its been 15 years now and while I've had several house and even a city move, I still very much enjoy my job, it was definitely right for me, but fear of the unknown and fear of change was a big factor in my mood those first few weeks.

Best of luck in your new role!

Buckydoesafart · 30/11/2021 10:03

@gerispringer

If you’ve got any annual leave owed from current job make sure you take it, In the 3 month notice period tie up any loose ends and leave everything tidy for your replacement but don’t stress over it. Don’’t do anything extra or unpaid. 5 minutes after you’ve left they will have forgotten about you.

This, don’t put the same hours you have been putting in. Just get done what you can! Good luck for your new job!

LadyDanburysHat · 30/11/2021 10:07

I was going to say the same as @Skysblue said. You are upset at your current job not being what it promised and mourning that you have to go because they have let you down. I felt the same when I left my last job. But it was absolutely the right thing for me to go.

Ormally · 30/11/2021 10:28

@thedefinitionofmadness

Its your current burnout messing with your head. Can you take a couple of weeks between roles?

This in spades.

Left mine, which is now due to be advertised as a very junior role (that will upset me - and kind of shows how it was thought of by the people I ended up working with, who were not the nice team of 2.5 years ago). Been doing some temping and feel so much better and more engaged after a week. It won't be a forever thing but I finally feel the millstone round my confidence and 'umph' has gone, so I can approach new things in a much less stressed way.

Ormally · 30/11/2021 10:30

...And it's fine not to be totally delighted or sure about anything, starting or leaving. It's been a scary couple of years.

MsIreneWinters · 30/11/2021 12:50

Agree with others about fear of change. I think you will love the new role once you adjust.

For me as well (similar situation but haven't jumped ship yet) , I have to admit that there is an element of hating the thought that , after all my hard work, my replacement might be better than me! It's not very edifying and I am trying to put it out of my mind. But I wonder if that might be a factor with you too?

Couchpotato3 · 30/11/2021 13:02

First task in your new job - book some annual leave!

DrWhoNowww · 30/11/2021 13:14

OP you could have been me 8 months ago.

I’d been with my company for 12 years, again had been promised the earth during discussions to move on which never materialised.

I then got offered a fab new job to start in sept - I cried a lot! Turns out it was tears of relief! Like a PP though I’ve grieved over the lost opportunities in my old job (and also losing my twenties to it!)

I’ve been in my new post nearly two months now and honestly it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t realise how bad things were in my old job until I could see how differently other companies operate.

PompomDahlia · 30/11/2021 17:04

It’s completely normal. I’m going through it currently with moving house - even though the new place is much nicer in many ways and bigger I’m a nervous wreck. I’m also applying for new jobs (fed up with current place and whinge about it constantly) but my first reaction at being offered an interview elsewhere was ‘oh s*t

fedup65356 · 30/11/2021 21:24

I'm going through the same. Been offered a new job which offers me a lot more freedom and flexibility than my current one, which I've been in for 5 months and knew from the start it wasn't quite right for me and which has also been affecting my mental health. I have a very strong gut feeling to get out.

I've been looking forward to the day I resign, but now I'm actually going to do it I feel sad and also nervous about doing it!

Original poster

WhatAboutDessert · 30/11/2021 22:11

I’ve cried a lot today. My current employer offered to fix all that was wrong and deliver on previous promises. But really, I think it’s too little too late, these are things I’ve been asking about for months. For years.

I just really worry I’m making the wrong decision. I hate change. But a person who is happy doesn’t apply for other jobs…

OP posts:

Ilikewinter · 01/12/2021 07:18

My story!...... applied for 2 jobs in August, got offered one in October, I was over the moon and promptly resigned, then the regional manager offered me a massive pay rise to stay. After much deliberation I decided to stay. But it wasnt really about the salary, Im bored in my job and have had enough of working in retail (20yrs), asked advice on here and overwhelming response was to leave. I ignored it, self doubt and being comfortable won over me.
I plodded on for a few weeks and work was just as bad - not sure ive made the right decision just the easy one.
3 weeks ago I got offered job 2, the one I really wanted and Ive grabbed it with both hands, have told my manager who was 'deeply disappointed, thought we'd sorted that out' in his words..... and now im looking forward to leaving in January.
I feel immense relief and fortunate to have got a second opportunity to leave.
Anyway, I absolutely think you should take the new role, someone said to me that if my current employer valued me that much then why did it take a resignation to suddenly pay me what im worth??.....I guess the same applies to you 😊

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 01/12/2021 08:26

@WhatAboutDessert

I just really worry I’m making the wrong decision. I hate change. But a person who is happy doesn’t apply for other jobs…

What has changed that means they will now deliver on previous promises? Look at their actions, not their words - they've said things will change before and they didn't, I doubt they'll change now. Take the new job!

nixso29 · 01/12/2021 19:22

@WhatAboutDessert

I just really worry I’m making the wrong decision. I hate change. But a person who is happy doesn’t apply for other jobs…

You have hit the nail on the head with your last comment....my dad said the same thing to me when I was discussing my new job offer with him and it really rang true

I spoke to my previous employers more than once explaining why I wasn't happy and I was offered the world each time but nothing ever came to fruition and thats when I knew I had to make the decision to start looking for something new

I interviewed for two jobs and was offered both of them previous to accepting the one I am in now but I turned both down due to the fear of change. I am so glad I let go of the fear and accepted the third.

The way i saw it was if my employer really valued me and wanted me to stay surely I wouldn't have been in the position i was in and feeling how I was

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