4 year old sons concerning behaviour…

[Countrylifemama]

Hi

My son who turned 4 in sept started the school nursery few months ago.. he is going there 2 days along side his private nursery the other days. We recently had a parents consultation and that particular day I was told he was quite challenging.

During the consultation we were told he seems happy, is active little boy and sociable but can get swept up and gets himself involved with the more boisterous boys… he isn’t initiating the challenging or poor behaviour but have been told he’s very impressionable. So sees some kids doing something I.e kicking toys and started doing it himself.

He doesn’t behave like this at home or his other private nursery. The nursery teacher was telling me he needs to make more positive choices and the children he gravtiates too aren’t good influences.

I’m struggling to know what and how to help; nursery teacher advised on play dates with a few kids that he thinks would be a good for him but apart from that I’m worried that he is causing disruption and other parents will think bad of my son

Any advice as I’m really stressing out and losing sleep over it

Thank you x

Not sure I vibe with the teachers narrative, surely the staff is there to redirect all the kids attention to more positive activities

Nursery staff said he’s making bad choices and gravitating towards the wrong kids?
Bloody hell.
He’s 4.
He’s barely capable of understanding his own behaviour and actions let alone analysing his contemporaries.

My little boy went through a stage of biting everyone, it was really bad and I was mortified but the nursery knew it was a phase. As is most challenging behaviour in your children.

I’m quite surprised that the nursery have been so forceful in their language here. It sounds like a school report of a teenager.

If you’re worried then just really emphasise and reward good behaviour at home, talk about why we don’t hit or snatch or kick furniture / toys etc. Keep it light and breezy but make sure he knows what behaviour is nice / naughty.

I can only speak for myself but I certainly don’t think ill of any parents of early years children - they’re a law unto themselves. I have two and they run me ragged!

Sounds like this isn't a good fit for him, does he need to go ti this nursery?

Personally i think 2 nurseries is too much.. its a lot to take in and deal with every week.. but regardless, the fact the nursery called some children bad influences to another parent is terribly unprofessional

I think it might be a settling in issue. 2 nurseries for a 4 year old is not needed. I run a private nursery but do recommend to all my parents that if they choose a pre-school then they should do it at least 3-4 days a week (assuming it’s a good one of course) as it will help get the kids used to a different and possibly more structured environment. Keeping both just means he hasn’t had time or opportunitiy to build friendships at the pre-school & will be stuck with the same kids that attend on his days.

@Munchkinpumpkin

Personally i think 2 nurseries is too much.. its a lot to take in and deal with every week.. but regardless, the fact the nursery called some children bad influences to another parent is terribly unprofessional

I think if they definitely said it in the way OP described that it’s more likely they think OP’s son is the bad influence. Things like that only tend to get said when a teacher thinks it isn’t the other child causing the problem.

He's four how are you supposed to address this behaviour at home, it needs addressing at the time it happens.

How come other children are allowed to kick toys but it's a problem when he does it? I mean presumably they aren't, but in that case why aren't they doing anything to stop it?

It sounds like they are just resigned to the fact some children in their setting are "a bad influence" which makes me think they're not very good at behaviour management, and also makes me feel sorry for those kids they have pigeonholed as bad!

How are you as a parent who is not present in nursery supposed to decide which friendships to encourage?

So the kicking toys situation was because another child was doing it and my son started copying his behaviour… they both got told about it…

We were told the friendships he was making wasn’t good for either child so presumably other the other parents were probably told the same as we were in that the friendships aren’t positive ones as they encourage poor decisions etc