So completely tactless that neither she nor I noticed

[AndMatt]

I just called my boss to say my doctor has signed me off until Christmas following the death of my husband.

We had a nice conversation about not worrying about work, take the time you need etc. At some point I said I'm finding the run up to Christmas harder than I expected.

Quite naturally this moved to Christmas plans and she spent the next 5 mins telling me how concerned she is that her husband's Christmas plans might be cancelled. He is supposed to be going to visit family overseas leaving her to have Christmas with her family. Apparently he hates Christmas and moans the whole time and she's dreading him having to join them

It was only after she put the phone down I thought "really, you're having that conversation with me now?"

Sorry about your husband.
Hopefully she didn't realise and will later kick herself for being so tactless. Some people struggle with speaking to someone recently bereaved so tend to ramble on.

oh my goodness - she's going to play that back later and will never stop being embarrassed.

it's going to be a hard xmas for you having to cope with the death of your husband -

Oh my, she is going to cringe so hard when she realises that she may never uncurl her toes again!

So sorry about your husband OP

Urgh!! No!!

One of my late DH’s colleagues told us - me and my 7 and 5 year old - to have lovely Christmas at DH’s funeral which was on 22 December. He realised what he was saying as he said it…

Sending

I agree, she probably realised what she'd said as soon as she got off the phone and is cringing about it. So sorry for your loss

Sometimes people are at odds with what to say as they don't want to gush and so they fill in with inconsequential nonesensities.. and I am not even sure if that is a word OP :)

She was just being nice when you are going through a horrible time is all

Well done for getting signed off. Right call.

And congratulations on having a boss who’s supportive and treats you normally (even if she’ll have been similarly thinking WTF when she put the phone down as soon as she realised!)

She must've been at odd regarding what to say and just babble on not realising.
Sorry for the loss of your husband OP

Sending you a huge hug.

So sorry for your loss . Some people prattle on about themselves, regardless.

So sorry that your DH has died. I think this is the reason that people often 'disappear' when someone suffers a bereavement, they're just too worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. I'm sure she's kicking herself but it's good that she felt she could have a conversation with you and that she's being supportive.

Oh OP I really am sorry about your husband.

I think that she sounds like a decent and supportive boss who was trying her best to “be normal” and got it a bit wrong. The variant and travel is a hot topic at the moment and she was probably trying to channel that. There are better subjects she could have picked.

I once told a colleague that I hoped she had a lovely Christmas. Her husband was at the very end stage of terminal cancer and wasn't expected to survive to the new year. He was diagnosed very late so she'd only had weeks to come to terms with it and would have been in turmoil. I still feel awful about it.

What I should have added is that I was more than well of aware of it. It just came out on autopilot in an effort to be normal.

Sorry about your sad loss OP. Can't imagine how hard that must be
Your boss certainly went off on auto pilot and I bet she's absolutely cringing when she reflects back on it. People are just strange at times!

Maybe she will post on here when she gets home
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4413599-Oh-My-GOD-I-m-so-embarrassed-Please-tell-me-you-ve-done-something-similar?pg=1

So sorry for your loss

I told someone to have a happy Christmas. It was not long after her 7 year old child had died. I cringed myself inside out when I realised what I'd said. I still cringe now, and it was about 10 years ago.

Should add, sorry for your loss, I'm glad your boss is understanding.

After I lost one of my children, the number of conversations I've had like this where someone was just saying something some mindblowingly tactless that I couldn't understand how it was even possible.... Followed by me feeling worse for them in the end as I just knew they would have regretted it horribly......

People I think sometimes panic and don't know what to say, or start saying something, realise it's ridiculous and then don't know how to stop....