Burnout, ADHD or something else? Feel like I’m going mad

[Youngatheart00]

Recently I’ve been finding I have two very distinct modes. I’m either “on” and highly productive, can put on an excellent performance on zoom meeting after zoom meeting, get work done, and then get laundry done, food cooked, exercise etc

Other days (like today) it’s like I am totally broken. WFH but can’t even be bothered to turn my camera on in meetings, looking for excuses to skip as my head just feels like cotton wool and I have zero energy or brainpower.

I don’t seem to be able to influence when these crashes happen but they are happening more. I’ve been WFH in the main since the start of the pandemic and workloads have been full on.

I’m not sure whether this is a problem with me or the situation. But I’m full of self loathing at the moment and wish I could just pull myself together.

Are you a woman and how old are you?

Yes I’m a woman. 39

I feel exactly like this too :(

I’ve been like this. Is it related to sleep or drinking alcohol?

I find a short, fast bit of exercise helps. Run around the block? Run up and down stairs 10 times?

If this is a recent thing then it's unlikely to be neurodiversity. We can mask for years (decades) but you'd notice these things yourself before.

Burnout and stress can be very debilitating, and what you describe is effectively fight or flight mode. We've been programmed to think we must try to keep going at all costs, but in reality, that leads to the crashes you describe now.

Are you able to take some time off, even if just a few days? Give yourself a chance to assess what is causing this, and what would make things more manageable in the longer term.

I'd suggest you see your GP. It is possible you've become bipolar.

This is me too atm OP, and im certain its burnout.
Ive had a lot going on career wise in the last few years, control freak type A who loves her work etc, and then the last 18 months have just broken me, and only a small part of that is pandemic impact.
I am full of self loathing as to take my foot off the pedal feels like failure. My friend (who i work with) has gently pointed out to me that i've been overachieving at work so long that i have lost sight of what normal is and what an acceptable standard of output looks like. My version of 'failure' is what i would consider 'doing a good job' in other people! I need to be kinder to myself and when i have days like this i try to imagine that i have a friend in this situation and think about how i would think/feel towards them and what advice i would give them.
Have a look at the symptoms of burnout online and see what you think.

I’d be thinking perimenopausal perhaps. Early, but not unheard of.

But burn-out also sounds likely.

Could it be related to your menstrual cycle? I get like this too and I find my productive days are often in the days leading up to ovulation, whereas I get a slump in the days before my period.

However, I also struggle with work when I don't have a pressing deadline and when i don't have as much work on. I am much more productive with an imminent deadline!

Sounds like burnout to me. I got worse before I got better. The self loathing was intense. Why can't I cope? Why are others better at this than me? Why am I so shit, I am a bad mum/wife/colleague etc etc

I am 70% recovered now after a period of time off. CBT really helped with the self loathing.

Be kind to yourself

@youngatheart00 I feel exactly the same and have been working at home since the start of the pandemic. Partly I can link super productive times to my cycle, but overall I think living, sleeping, eating, working, socialising at home is a huge mental strain. When I take annual leave, it's usually just to stay home but I don't need to be on Teams for a few days, and it helps so much!

And by doing all this work/life/whatever at home, those natural pauses of commuting, going for lunch, chatting with work chums in the kitchen are gone. So we have robbed ourselves of those moments of laughter and reflection that don't involve the phrase "Gillian, you're on mute again".

And that's not even mentioning the fact that we're living through a pandemic with all the stressful news alerts and debates about what countries we can visit, will Christmas be cancelled, is this new variant even more contagious etc. And we still expect ourselves to carry on as normal and get work done on time?

So no solutions, but massive sympathies.

Sounds like my adhd, for sure

I’ve always noticed these traits, but they’ve definitely been amplified during the pandemic

I just have days when I simply cannot function. Work, socially, nothing.

I hadn’t considered bipolar.

I’m just sitting here hating myself and doing the bare minimum at work which is going to cause issues for me later in the week when hopefully I’ll have an energy surge and can clear it

It does sound like ADHD. I think, from my experience, and some friends, we have just about stayed on to of our adhd until we hit hormone issues. Perimenopause had just emphasised adhd x100.

Having said that, plenty of women get similar symptoms and it's just called perimenopause.

I'd press for a blood test at the right time of the month, so that the gp can see if there's any particular highs or lows, and start from there.

Also, get the Barkley book on adult adhd out of the library. Extremely accessible, looks and feels like the For Dummies" series. Also has a great check list that will give you some insight into what results you might get from formal testing. Something like 94 questions to answer.

Oh love, xpost, sounds so familiar!

This sounds exactly like me. I have ADHD.

What are the options if i am diagnosed?

I feel as if my ‘surges’ are a superpower but I pay for them with the catastrophic lows

But if I lose my superpower I worry I’ll be found out at work - I’ve managed to get this job by being brilliant just enough of the time (and hiding at others)

This is me too and to some extent pretty much how I've been most of my life. Today though I woke up and like you just felt absolutely broken. We've just taken on the care of our 6 year old dgs because his mother can't be arsed and although he is a darling he has issues from all the crap his short life has dealt him. I'm back and forth to school 4 times a day as he can't cope with lunchtimes there so comes home. Now we have social services recommended we apply doe guardianship. Have a 15 year old dd with mental health issues so on medication. Lovely dh works all the hours and does his best to help but I'm so overwhelmed today. My body is telling me to stop but its not possible. My fibro and arthritis is not the best with stress. Anyway I'm sure there's worse things for others just I think I'm reaching my limit.

I actually find it impossible to believe that some people plod along at a routine pace,
Completing their work and their life responsibilities

I used to think I was just introverted because I’d have these energy crashes after a ‘manic’ period. No one could believe that as I’m so sparkly and impressive on my day.

I just feel entirely messed up if I’m honest.

I do need a rest but there’s no hope of any time off until January really

@Youngatheart00

I’ve always noticed these traits, but they’ve definitely been amplified during the pandemic

I just have days when I simply cannot function. Work, socially, nothing.

I hadn’t considered bipolar.

I’m just sitting here hating myself and doing the bare minimum at work which is going to cause issues for me later in the week when hopefully I’ll have an energy surge and can clear it

I totally hear you. I'm all or nothing girl. Have mad times when I'm on top of everything. Get so much done have tonnes of creative ideas and start projects then feel like I've burnt out and need a slower pace. I was diagnosed with fibro a few years back and also osteoarthritis. Be good to get bloods done to rule anything out. I'm 48 so peri menopause too which is totally unfair as I need all the energy I can get at the mo. Maybe this time of life we should be resting from all stress of career and child rearing etc but it's not the case for many of us who have to keep things going. Xxx

@WingingItSince1973 that sounds really tough - your poor DGS and wonderful that you are able to look after him. Totally understand it’s taking a toll though.

I don’t have DC (we wanted them, but it didn’t happen). I often wonder if I’d be a ‘better’ person if I had them to function for.

Some of my manic times can be quite impulsive and self destructive too.

Sorry OP just seen your reply to me. I'm sorry if I sounded ungrateful. I'm not really its just hard. We can have burnout whatever our lifestyle or age is. My eldest at 27 has experienced this. So much is expected of us today. Please get checked by GP and definitely look into adhd etc thats been mentioned. Once I had my diagnosis I found it easier to deal with the days I was exhausted and not so guilty that I wasn't as busy as I was the week before xxxxx

You sound a lot like me and i'm becoming more and more more convinced I have ADHD. It seems to have got worse since I had my children, but not sure if that's related or not. Unless I have an imminent deadline I can find it impossible to do anything at times. I recently was given a freelance piece of work to do with a 6 week deadline. Of course I just ignored if and got more and more anxious about it until it was 1 week to go and then I worked flat out getting it done!

My only 'routine' goes like this...

Monday
Wake up late to get kids to school. Can't find all the things they need. Why don't I do this the night before? FML.
Get home. Should be working from home but have a coffee first to try and get motivated. 3 hours later still sat on Mumsnet drinking coffee. Why am I so lazy?
Pick kids up from school, put a movie on for them but end up watching to. Then a friend messages me so instead of making dinner I chat on there. Kids interrupt me mid conversation "where's dinner" sorry kids! Put something beige in the oven. Hurry through bath and bedtime because by then it's late. Then get my bath and spend an hour in there but at least I'm clean! Get into bed, mind racing. Why can't I switch off? Too anxious about all the things I haven't done. Do they have clean uniforms? End up doing laundry until midnight. Despairing at my inability to adult, I google organisation strategies until 1am.

Tuesday
Wake up. Tired but at least I got up on the third alarm so we won't be late this morning. I actually have time to do my hair and makeup properly this morning. Oh no wait, I don't anymore just spent 40 mins reading Mumsnet. Still, we get to drop off on time (mini miracle!). The moment I drop them my mind is super focused on work. I make a action plan for the day, but find that it's all done in 2 hours. So then I clean the house. Top to bottom in 2 hours. I even clean the windows. Put the recycling out, do some gardening, drop some bags off to the recycle point, do a whole grocery shop, drop the bags home and freezer stuff away, dash out to get the kids (on time again!) get home make a fantastic dinner from scratch, oh and a home cooked pudding, some cup cakes and a loaf of bread because why not? Make a junk model of the solar system with the kids. Bath the kids, trim their nails (and the toddlers fringe!) read them 3 bed time stories and Reinact the whole of the lion king movie with them (well, we do the songs). Dye my own hair (with highlights), DIY gel Manicure, wax and tint my eyebrows and spray tan myself. Do two loads of laundry, put all the clean clothes in the house away, iron all the kids uniforms, and clean everyone's shoes. Sew up a small hole in a pair of trousers and also make a set of curtains while I am at it. Fix a broken lamp. Start writing a screen play but get stuck on one of the songs (written on my kids keyboard with her fluffy unicorn headphones in). Realise I'm thirsty so go to get a drink. Clean the whole kitchen (again) and then start on the hallway. I wipe the scuff marks off from the hallway wall they won't come off so end up painting the wall. And this is why I am up at 1am again. Oops.

Wednesday wake up late, with no idea if today will be one where I am superhuman or super useless. Rinse and repeat for the next few decades.