Annoyed with constant digs about presents for DC

[dratsnotyouagain]

DS is turning 3 in December. His birthday is the week before Christmas. We typically don't decorate until after his birthday decorations come down the day after to let him have "his day".

We spend £150 each per child for Christmas and £200 for birthdays. It just so happens that DS being a December baby has a full on December with activities, his birthday and Christmas. But my sibling is constantly making digs about him being spoiled and having too many toys. SIbling had more toys than my DS has at his age (and more expensive too). I disagree DS actually doesn't have a lot of toys as we are conscious of plastic tat and prefer wooden toys so tend to buy less and sets the kids can play with together like a railway set with extenders and buying accessories occasionally. Also I prefer to save for DC instead, so always put away the money into savings when I am tempted to buy something unneccessary.

Sibling's argument is how last year he got a bunch of presents then a week later he had even more toys for Christmas. It was his birthday and Christmas FFS! He is 2, sure he may not mind now having combined gifts for Christmas and his birthday, but I am a firm believer in people repeating patterns. That's why I insist on treating all DC fairly from the get go because once you start the 2 in 1 gift you are likely to repeat it year after year and even when they are old enough to mind and see they are being treated differently from the other DC.

I may be a little sensitive to this as I was born in January and often had the combined Christmas/birthday cake whilst my siblings born earlier in the year had the full on birthday thing, but noone could face another party/celebration after Christmas and everyone's budgets were too tight after Christmas to buy presents for me. DS has siblings born earlier in the year so its only fair he gets the same treatment right?

It’s not your siblings business OP. Is your sibling young?
I agree with you that your ds should get his own day on his birthday.

My dsil is a December birthday and still doesn’t put her tree up until she’s had her day. Her now adult dc understand this. We always make sure to get her a nice birthday gift too.

Ignore your sibling. It’s none of their business.

Your sons birthday is close to Xmas, of course he gets lots of gifts in a short space of time. Having 2 separate celebrations, like everyone else, is the right thing to do, your child’s birthday is special. Hope he has a lovely birthday and Xmas. Turning 3 is lovely as well, old enough to get a bit excited. 🥳

I'm also a few days before Christmas. You sound like my mum did when I was growing up. No tree until the day after my birthday and same amount spent per child. Though I don't believe I ever had a birthday party.

Regardless, I will always appreciate the effort she made for me, as will your DS when he grows up.

Ignore your sibling. Or better yet, tell them to jog on!

Dd is the week before xmas and made me start doing xmas decs 1/12 like everyone else when she was about 5
I’ve had similar comments but more about people moaning that they’ve got to buy 2 gifts close together 🙄
Buy something in the sales then during the year? Whatever
Incidentally dd has never cared about birthday pressie being wrapped in xmas paper.

I’ve had similar comments but more about people moaning that they’ve got to buy 2 gifts close together

Well tell them they’ve had a whole 12 months without buying her anything, miserable arseholes.
😂

@GodIsAVegan

I’ve had similar comments but more about people moaning that they’ve got to buy 2 gifts close together

Well tell them they’ve had a whole 12 months without buying her anything, miserable arseholes.
😂

Exactly 😂 Poor kid. Her best friend is getting married on her birthday this year so we’ve moved it a few days earlier ha

One of my DC is Christmas eve birthday

Of course you shouldn't do less for her birthday. Ignore people.

My dd is 3 days before Xmas and I know how full on it is. In my case she is the eldest and I realised I actually probably get less than I might have for both kids because of it, in that I think we never went overboard for either occasion because it seems so much at once (don't get me wrong, she gets plenty!) so now we have to do same for ds even though his birthday in May. But thats not a bad thing. We've enver done the set budget for each occasion thing because of very different ages and also we are happy to spend more on a year they need a big ticket item e.g. bike but don't want to spend that much for the sake of it every year. We don't do joint presents. No one we know has ever commented either way, and all also get separate presents.

I do put decorations up before her birthday, but they would only go up on 23rd if I waited - I might wait if it was weeks before. The only thing I don't do is put presents under the tree before then.

She once told me she likes the fact that her birthday is near Christmas and part of the build up to it, always nice things and decorations etc going on, so that's good. We usually do a non christmassy cake but I think last year when we couldn't do a party due to lockdown it was her suggestion to use a yule log as her birthday cake, so I don't think she cares about that really!

@GodIsAVegan

I’ve had similar comments but more about people moaning that they’ve got to buy 2 gifts close together

Well tell them they’ve had a whole 12 months without buying her anything, miserable arseholes.
😂

Well said.

OP you're doing everything right ! I've also got a Christmas week child, and we have always done just like you do - his birthday is always a special day, house remains non-Christmassy. Then the next day, we decorate for Christmas. So he has his special day without it blending in with Christmas.

A few family members did sort-of mention maybe combining the two presents, but I was very firm about that , like you. Everyone else gets two separate "special days" and DS does as well. The fact that the days are close, is irrelevant.

The only concession I ever made, was that when it came time to have parties for his birthday, we moved it forward a month so the birthday wouldn't blend in with Christmas festivities.

Stick to your guns, OP. You're doing a great job.

Ignore her! My son's birthday is a week after Christmas. All decorations come down before his birthday. I have never given joint Christmas / birthday presents. They are always separate. It may look as though they get a lot of gifts, but that is because the two days are so close together.

No one would question birthday presents bought in June for a birthday,. So just because a birthday is so close to Christmas shouldn't be any different or mean they get less.

If you are that close that you discuss all the DCs presents then you have to put up with their comments. Sounds like there is rivalry on several levels. Distance a bit and concentrate on your own family from now on.

Is it your sibling or your DCs sibling? If it’s your sibling then it’s none of their business and I’d just say what’s it to them.
If it’s an older sibling of your DS then suggest that on their birthday they don’t get as many presents if they don’t want DS to have many

Can I just say OP how lovely it is to read that you make such an effort to separate your child's birthday from Christmas even though they're so close together. Your kid will really appreciate you doing this for him as he gets older.

I have a January birthday and I distinctly remember the sinking feeling of opening "joint" birthday/Christmas presents from tight fisted relatives as a child and being expected to be enthused with delight at the prospect. My brother and sister both had birthdays at "normal" times of the year so never had to suffer through the joint presents and lack of parties I had to put up with just because I had the misfortune to be born just after Christmas. I never understood why I ended up with joint presents as there's an abundance of January sales just before my birthday so in theory I should've got more as everything was so much cheaper! 😂

You're right to stop the joint presents in their tracks too as once that starts it's very difficult to stop them coming year after year!

My DDs birthday is in two weeks and I've had the repeated digs too it's quite draining repeating them same old phrases that I've now simply stopped responding and the digs have lessoned.
However this year the digs have changed to why aren't my Decs up people love to grumble but I stick to my guns the decs go up the weekend after DDs birthday.
Like you Op I'm a January baby and get digs about that too

I assume your sibling is very young if they also have toys? Not sure why you'd care about their opinion tbh. Just don't discuss it with them

DD's birthday is the first week of December. At the moment we're holding off on Christmas stuff (except her advent calendar) until after her birthday. We'll let her choose what she prefers when she's older.

Present wise she obviously gets presents for both but last year at our request her grandparents bought her smaller presents to open then bought more expensive garden toys in the summer when she needed them. She is getting a tablet as a joint present from my parents this year but she will have small things to open for the other celebration. We also buy relatively small presents because she gets loads from wider family anyway and she needs bigger stuff (bike etc) later in the year. She's only going to be three this year though so doesn't care about cost/size of present - it's all just really exciting! It'll likely be different when she's older and it will evolve in discussion with her. In one way it's simpler for us though because there are no siblings for comparison.

My DM has a birthday very close to Christmas and hated getting her birthday getting mixed in with Christmas as a child so it's something we're very conscious of.

The biggest challenge at the mo is coming up with good present ideas for both so close together!

I am one of 3 all born just before christmas (mum and dad obviously enjoyed easter ) we are all in our 50s and 40s now. we all had a proper birthday when we were young, seperate presents and a party, the only thing I would say though is that as child I always felt sorry for summer born friends because they didnt get to have christmas decorations up for their birthdays! I have always loved having a christmas birthday, the decs made it even more special for me.

as to the 'amount' of presents, our parents would not go overboard with them but in the summer holidays we were allowed to choose a present for outside, ie, a bike or a go-kart, something that got its full use as a bike in december is not really going to be played with much.

My DM's birthday is Christmas Eve. My DSIS is a few days after Christmas. They have Christmas decorations up (otherwise the house would t get decorated) but they always have separate presents unless specifically requested, and when they request joint presents it's always the budget of both Christmas and birthday combined. And I've never felt jealous of my DSIS getting 2 lots of presents in December because my birthday is in July.

The little thing that always winds my DM and DSIS up is that my grandparents (DM's parents) always wrap their birthday presents in Christmas paper. It makes them feel like their birthdays aren't important enough to buy 1 roll of birthday wrapping paper.

Tell your sibling that since you aren't asking them to pay its none of their business and there is no reason why your child should have fewer gifts in a year than a child born in say July just because his birthday falls close to Christmas.

Thanks. My sibling is older and always makes comments to the effect I'm spoiling DS. It just looks like a lot of stuff because it two occasions a week apart.

It is hard to find birthday stuff in December as it all goes out the window to make way for Christmas stock so I start early and make sure wrapping paper , cards etc are picked from a proper selection and not the dire bits left out in late November.

It matters to me. My family don't really bother with birthday presents for DS because it's Christmas. It bothered me having joint gifts so I do my best to make it as separate as possible. DS's cake is as non-Christmasy as possible. I will also have his birthday parties in November or January. I have opted not to throw any because of COVID and he was too young at 1, 2 was lockdown and I'm scared few people will show up now. Also I can imagine it is impossible to attend a birthday party a week before Christmas as many people have lots going on. I just want my DS to have a normal birthday celebration like everyone else gets to.

Good idea about asking people to gift some things in Summer. I will be getting DS a bicycle in the summer - just because as its too early and miserable to get one now.

We've always had exactly the same

DS2's birthday is next week, so two weeks before Christmas. I was forever getting comments, mainly from my parents, about how spoilt he is etc. He wasn't spoilt, he just got a fair amount of stuff over a very small period. If he was a summer baby they wouldn't have batted an eyelid

We're a household of 4 and all our birthdays are in December. We put the tree up because otherwise we would only have it up for a few days. Apart from that Christmas is Christmas and birthdays are birthdays. No combining presents.

Tell them to mind their own and get a life. Have they not got their own issues to worry about?

What you choose to do or buy for your DC's birthday and Christmas is precisely none of your sibling's, or anyone else's business. Try to ignore if you possibly can.