Have you ever recovered from MH?

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

Long story short, I’ve been suffering severely with my mental health since my daughter was born. She is 15 months old and I wrote on here when she was about 5 weeks old for the first time, desperately seeking help. The support was astronomical and I thank you for that.

I’ve been under perenatal, community MH team, crisis team, regular Gp’s. I’ve been on 5 anti depressants, none of which have worked. Sleeping pills, diazepam. My husband and I separated which didn’t help but we are on good terms.

I have a good friendship network and a good family, but I am so bloody depressed it hurts. I have private therapy and she’s so lovely and I am so good at talking about how I feel but I’m not improving and I don’t know what to do. I am at a loss, I hurt physically from the mental pain. Like my chest aches because I so desperately want to feel happy, or even just slightly content.
I was basically discharged from all the other teams because my daughter is well. I mean I’m so glad that she’s not affected by my MH and she is thriving, she’s so happy, and I’m so glad, but I feel like nobody is hearing me. I’m bottling up how I feel with the fear of being a burden because I know I’m not getting any better and I don’t want to worry them.
Please has anyone ever felt like this and felt like they’re not ever going to get better, but have actually got better? Even just a little bit?
I’m sorry if this is jumbled.

Sorry I meant to say I’m bottling up how I feel from my friends because I don’t want to worry them*. The services know how I feel but I’ve been discharged due to them not being worried about my parenting. My friends know I’m struggling but they don’t know how much worse I have been recently.

I had terrible post natal depression after my second child and was an in patient for 6 months and actively ill for at least 2 years. But it did pass. It started with having the odd better day, then a couple of days in a week were better and finally it completely passed.

You are doing all the right things and the odds are massively in your favour that you will make a full recovery. In the meantime be kind to yourself.

I think you should talk to your GP in the first instance about a change of meds - i've had despession on and off for years - on the right meds now, after trial and error, and totally myself again. I've tapered off before and depression returned so I'm on them for life, but it's worth it - and I'm worth it too. It can be hard to find the energy to fight for the right treatment when you're in a depression, but recognising you're not in a good place can be the hardest step and you've done that now.

Can you confide in a couple of good friends? They want to help you get better and having support would be a big help, to encourage you to get treatment and to support you through it. I was afraid I'd bore/worry my friends, but of course that wasn't true, it was the depression making me feel that, because i felt such a drag on myself. You need to allow your friends to help you.

Even without depression you've been through so much, baby and a relationship breakup, you need support and to allow people to help you.

Hope things get better soon and that you find what works for you

I had ptsd after a horrible assault by my husband . I was a total wreck but therapy with the right therapist bought me back . I think it was having the right therapist with the right experience . It took time i wont tell you how long but changed my whole life . I would question your therapist to be honest and ask for a medication review which should be a psychiatrist where you can say where u are at and ask his advice . In my opinion i think a psychologist is the best therapist

I would never say I'm fully recovered, I'm a different person than the one I was before my MH issues. Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely different

I live with a mental health condition (anxiety), usually it's a quiet lodger, but sometimes it hosts a party

So no, I'm not fully recovered (10+ yrs), but that's ok.

Yes and no. I think of it as having recovered from something physical like a broken an ankle. I feel like I've been left with a weak point. I can walk on it fine and it doesn't hurt except for the odd twinge, but I'm not sure it'd stand up to any rough treatment. On the other hand, I'm now more careful where I put my feet...

I've had 2 nervous breakdowns in my life. With the first I was very ill for over a year but I did get better. Now I think I'm one of the most content people there are. My previous mental illnesses have made me much stronger. I've dealt with some tough situations since then but I felt I was able to cope because I'd developed an inner resilience. I don't really know how I recovered but it was a combination of antidepressants, allowing myself time to heal and the ability to find a little joy in minor things each day. Hang in there. I know how hard it is but you'll get through it.

This is a thread with lovely responses. I wish a bunch of us could sit down with you for coffee, cake and some chat about how to stay well and remind you what the other side feels like. Once my meds took effect, and I built myself back again (probably had wobbles and was very vulnerable for 4-5months after that), I've been totally happy and content. I feel such joy and greatfulness to be ok after such horrific darkness and fear. Maybe going through that has given my life a touch more colour? But one thing is for sure, I have 4 lovely kids and I'll be much better equipped to help them if they ever become unwell with this awful illness.

OP, people do get well again, very well. Especially when the illness has been triggered by something specific like a life event. I hope you find your way to feeling ok again very soon.

Broken ankle is the perfect analogy.

Yes I recovered from very sever MH issues, severe clinical depression, anorexia, other stuff. It took time, and a long while on medication and a lot of therapy and a lot of self therapy. But I did it. I have to be careful though, but I know when I can feel myself slipping and when I need to make an urgent change. It’s hard to keep the balance right. But I’m happy, I enjoy life. I don’t feel overwhelmed or depressed.

I had post natal depression after my first. Couldn’t leave the house, irrational thoughts, all sorts. I got better but it took until ds was three.
You’ll find your way there, try not to focus on this long term goal of ‘getting better’. One day you’ll have a good day, one day you’ll realise you’ve had three good days in a row. Small steps and remember it’s okay if it’s a backwards step occasionally.
💐

For me it's been a question of managing the depression rather than curing it, it's chronic and something I think will always be around.

@Gilead

I had post natal depression after my first. Couldn’t leave the house, irrational thoughts, all sorts. I got better but it took until ds was three. You’ll find your way there, try not to focus on this long term goal of ‘getting better’. One day you’ll have a good day, one day you’ll realise you’ve had three good days in a row. Small steps and remember it’s okay if it’s a backwards step occasionally. 💐

Absolutely this

You might have some hiccups but you'll learn to handle them and file them away as one of those things. It took me a while to manage it, but now they are just a blip in an otherwise great life x

I had PND after my 3rd. It totally floored me. I remember getting ADs for the first time and was in shock because I thought it would be a 2 week course ! (Like antibiotics!) and couldn’t believe I was given a 6 month course. I tried loads of variations and doses but in reality just bumped along. It was only near the end that I read that PND lasts about 2 years …. If I had known that at the beginning I am not sure I would have coped.

I eventually got off my medications and was fine for about 15 years - then my MH plummeted at peri-meno with loads of life stuff and again took medication - but also did therapy which turned my life around and I have looked back since. I do think it was very physical and hormonal that triggered depression or that I was vulnerable due to v challenging childhood.

I also exercise now which really helps (have to walk outdoors for an hour a day) and on reflection wine really really held back progress.

Yes you can come through it. Treat yourself - mind and body - with the kindness, care and compassion that you would give to your best friend with any other challenging illness.

I did feel like that for years after DS2 was born. But it was undiagnosed PND and it went away if I took Citalopram.

Soujnds like they haven't found the right AD for you? I tried several. When I had to come off Citalopram due to long term side effects I was really stuck for a while and the GP said not everyone responds well to SSRIs and some people react better to SNRIs or the old style TCAs. It's definitely worth going back and asking for a different type.

Are you doing the usual things like really good nutrition and supplements of Vit B complex, Vit D and iron? Are you getting regular exercise, fresh air and some mental relaxation such as meditation or visualisation, journalling etc? These can help once the meds have reset your hormones to normal.

I really admire you for taking such good care of your child despite your ongoing illness, and for keeping a good relationship with your ex. You sound like a remarkable person. I hope you recover soon.

You said that your therapist is lovely, but what is she doing to help you?

My therapist is also lovely, but he also asks me really insightful questions that force me to confront my issues. Someone can be nice without being a good therapist - if you don't feel like you're making any improvements, it might be time to switch therapists.

I wouldn't say I've recovered, but my therapist has helped me see things more clearly, and I'm on the road to recovery.

I've had a couple of bouts of depression.

The feeling that life will never be worth living, numbness, just a void of misery.

Therapy helped, along with anti depressants.

My life is generally happy! I laugh, I enjoy things I plan for the future!

The broken ankle anology is a good one.
I learnt to recognise the feelings that meant I was sliding back, and not just a few "off days" and take action.

I've had anti depressants a few more times, but for relatively short timescales, and I can see they are a tool to help me manage my anxiety (which in my case leads to the black dog)

Life gets better. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

...I feel like nobody is hearing me. I’m bottling up how I feel with the fear of being a burden because I know I’m not getting any better and I don’t want to worry them..

The first thing I would do is to start being honest with a couple of close friends. It is their privilege as your friend to worry about you.

Has anyone ever mentioned ECT to you as a potential treatment? It is extremely effective for treatment resistant depression. A significant number of people don't respond well to anti-depressants but their are other options