I have PND again don’t I :(

[OGenkiDesuKa]

Baby is 4 weeks old. I have bipolar, but am not on my meds as I am breastfeeding.
I cry all day every day even though I don’t actually feel sad, but just feel angry. I hate my partner, I hate the cats, I hate my older child, I hate the house and I hate myself. I just want to be locked away with my baby. I hate feeling like this. Everything is getting ontop of me.

I couldn’t read and run. Perhaps you do have PND, or perhaps your bipolar is making your life hard because of you not being able to take your meds? First thing I would suggest would be to get in touch with Wendy at the breastfeeding network to find out whether your meds are actually not recommended when breastfeeding- lots of HCPs will say a blanket no to cover their backs, but Wendy is the one who will actually know whether you can take them safely or not. Then get in touch with your mental health team to see about either starting back on your meds if they are safe, or trying something that is safe to hopefully help.

What I will say though is that feeling the massive overwhelm can be very normal, for you it might be PND or a symptom of your bipolar, but it could also be a very very normal reaction to a huge life event. Please be kind to yourself, having a baby is a huge deal!

My mental health team are happy to leave me for a bit I think to see if it passes as just hormones settling down before they make any decisions. I’m just making everyone so miserable.