What are the rules of eye contact?!

[Ca55andraMortmain]

I feel like this is a really stupid question that I should know the answer to as a fully functioning adult, but I really don't. I'm aware that I don't make good eye contact when I'm talking to people. I just find it a bit uncomfortable to look directly into someone else's eyes for any length of time. I try hard to remember to make eye contact when I'm talking to people (though I sometimes forget/don't really think about it). I find that when I raise my eyes to look at someone, they're often already looking at me. How long are you supposed to maintain eye contact for? And if you aren't staring into each others eyes, where are you meant to look? I feel like an idiot for not knowing these things and I can't ask anyone irl, so what do you normally do with your eyes when you're talking to people?! (Fwiw, I'm neurotypical, but quite shy and awkward).

I've found that since lockdown and lack of human contact I have totally lost the ability to feel comfortable maintaining eye contact
I start off with eyes then I find myself glancing over their shoulder, a few seconds look at a wall, anything else going on around. But I'm listening to every word although it probably doesn't seem like it. I'm trying my best

Don't try and maintain eye contact with a man if you're eating a banana - so my Grandma once told me.

Maintaining eye contact doesn't = staring directly into someone's eyes for the entire conversation.

People are weird and take things in such strange ways here.

When someone else is talking to you, make eye contact with them and try and maintain it. When it's your turn to talk you look at them and then you can let your eyes drift off to something in the room and then look back at them as you finish what you're saying. Having a bottle of water or a cup of tea helps as you can glance down at it, pick it up for a sip etc to break the eye contact.

In conversation, people make eye contact in short bursts, NOT all the time. Most commonly when you take over a turn (ie start or stop speaking). Also, speakers don't make much eye contact but listeners tend to look at the speakers face.

So, if you want to improve your eye contact, look when listening and when you want to speak. Also, it is fine to look at mouth or nose if the eyes are too intense. Short glances of 2-4 seconds are fine.

No one stares into another person's eyes for extended periods of time, so don't do that.

Please do not stare at someone’s chin for 5 seconds.

There’s no need or expectation to stare into someone’s eyes unrelentingly.

You talk, make eye contact, break away, re-make eye contact, rinse, repeat.

Just put Netflix on for a bit and watch how other people do it.

I’m really relieved to find that other people worry about this too! I think I mostly switch from one eye, to other eye, to mouth, and repeat