Any tips for being socially awkward and moving to a very friendly place?

[IShouldReallyBeCleaning]

I’m conscious that this sounds a bit pathetic.

We’ve moved from a large city where people keep to themselves, to a lovely rural area where the neighbours have welcomed us with open arms. We moved two weeks ago and pretty much every day we’ve had someone calling in to welcome us and introduce themselves. There’s been flowers, bottles of wine, boxes of chocolates, offers to help us out with anything we need.

It really is lovely and I’m so appreciative.

The problem is, I’m just a really awkward person. I have a job where I have to be confident and assertive, but I’m really very shy and quite an introvert. I don’t set out to be rude, but I get a bit flustered when I’m caught unawares.

The visits have typically been brief with people insisting on standing outside the frontdoor (due to Covid), and just pleasantries around the area etc.

What’s the etiquette here? Do I need to send a thank you card for the gifts? With Christmas coming up, I was thinking I could drop in reciprocal bottles of wine etc. but then they might feel they have to also give us a Christmas gift?

We don’t have children so won’t have an opportunity to make friends at the school gate, and we both work from home so won’t meet local people through work.

Any tips for forming friendly neighbourly relations without it becoming too full-on? I’d like neighbour I can chat to when we meet when walking the dogs, not neighbours who camp-out in my kitchen drinking tea at every opportunity

Sounds great op! And I'm in a similar situation.

My advice would be to relax and be yourself! You have only just moved in so there's no need to rush. People will be expecting you to find your feet. I think a bottle of wine to every caller might be a bit much, but I would wait until a week or so before Christmas, say around the 16th-19th and drop off something like some home made jam or chutney or some biscuits and a card wishing recipients "a happy Christmas and thank you for the lovely welcome". People tend to have family commitments over the Christmas period so you can then take your time and get to know people at your own pace in the NY.

We don't get new neighbours where I live. If I did and went to greet them with a welcome gift I wouldn't be expecting anything back.

And fwiw, in our village, there are some families who "join in" and some who "like to keep themselves to themselves" and as long as they are polite and fairly upfront about it, no one thinks any the worse of the latter, it is just accepted, so don't feel forced in to social commitments you feel uncomfortable about.

Is there a village Facebook page or similar? If so, you could join and post a message saying how nice it has been to meet everyone and thanks for making you so welcome? Then take your time and let things develop.

Thanks everyone.

I feel a bit less shit now.

A neighbour called today while I was wrestling some heavy boxes so I was red-faced and disheveled when answering the door so was a bit flustered when chatting to him. I didn’t say anything bad or anything, but was probably just a bit less chatty with him than I could have been. He brought flowers so I did thank him effusively, but think I just find strangers giving me things a bit awkward.

@CeliaCanth, no, no local FB page. It’s not even a village. Just a very rural road between two small towns. All of the houses are fairly far apart so there’s been a bit of “hi, I’m your neighbour from two miles down the road”
If there was a village with a shop and a pub, it’d be easier as we’d be meeting people in a more natural setting, if you get me.

It is lovely, but I just wasn’t expecting it.

I’m just going to play it by ear and smile and wave at people as I drive or walk past them.

Maybe ask their advice about local services? Ask for their mobile numbers and offer yours?

Sounds lovely

No you don't need to send cards

No you don't need to give them Christmas gifts.

Outside of COVID times, it might have been nice to have "drinks" at Christmas, but probably not a good plan at the moment.

You don't need to "do" anything, other than just be polite and friendly when you do bump into someone.

Three lots of callers today.

Three.

All very lovely and welcoming.

This will end soon, yeah?

It will end soon, you're the new kids in the playground and everyone is excited by it. Try get a few numbers can be handy especially if you don't have family/ contacts near by. Like if the power goes, you text them to ask is it the whole grid, that way you'll know if it's just your house or not. Or if you need the number of a local trades person. Also it will be nice to know a few faces when you go into the town for shopping etc. Small places can be very in your face, but people usually mean well.

Any particular reason you moved ‘from a large city … to a lovely rural area’?

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

Any particular reason you moved ‘from a large city … to a lovely rural area’?

I grew up in a rural area and always wanted to move back to the countryside.

I think your main move now OP is to ensure you send a Christmas card to all the neighbours - don't worry if you don't know their names you can just sign the cards and address it by the house number/name. The important things will be to (a) enjoy a few leisurely strolls to go door to door posting the cards in and be ready to have a nice chat to any neighbours you bump into whilst doing your rounds; and (b) be really organised about noting any names of neighbours and their family from their Christmas cards so that you can include this in your cards next year.

I grew up in a rural area and always wanted to move back to the countryside.

OK, so it probably helps to keep in mind why you made the move.

You admit you left the city ‘where everyone keeps themselves to themselves’, and if you grew up in a rural area, then you know it’s less like that.

At the moment you’re a novelty, but things will settle down, so just stay reasonably friendly and ride it out.

I have this sort of thing where I live. It was odd at first. I was sent flowers by my next door neighbour on my moving day and it honestly stressed me out a bit. I popped round a few days later to introduce myself having worked myself up about it and said Hi and thanks. All was fine and we got on great as neighbours for ten years . People don't expect anything back, but a Christmas card with your phone number in in case of an eventuality they might need it will be nice.

Now up to five visitor for today

Handy as I was running low on wine and chocolate, so those have been replenished.

Getting great local info- best broadband etc. Also have an invite for a cup of coffee next week so just going to continue chatting to everyone and see what the community is like.

Also going to try and shrug-off the slight suspicion I have of very friendly people (I blame city living) and just accept the wine and chocolates and flowers hospitality.

@Swirlywoo

I have this sort of thing where I live. It was odd at first. I was sent flowers by my next door neighbour on my moving day and it honestly stressed me out a bit. I popped round a few days later to introduce myself having worked myself up about it and said Hi and thanks. All was fine and we got on great as neighbours for ten years . People don't expect anything back, but a Christmas card with your phone number in in case of an eventuality they might need it will be nice.

You sound like me

I’ll follow your lead and will hopefully make some new friends.

In all the time I’ve lived in the city, I’ve made friends through work and other interests, and was always on very polite speaking terms with my neighbours, but definitely not in “friend” territory, so maybe I need to adjust my approach.

I am more used to it now. But in lockdown I could only do the Clap every other week (or so) as they'd be out there hours (with own-brought wine) discussing so and so's hydrangea etc. I am still not quite there yet