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Original poster

Tiktok - is this bullying?

19 replies

Charleyfox · 27/11/2021 19:55

I’ve name changed for this as worried about any backlash from parents who may recognise me particularly as I am not sure if I am making a fuss about nothing. My 13 year old daughter has just tearfully shown me a tiktok video made by a boy she sits next to in one of her subjects at school (y9) in which he has rated everyone he sits next to and added comments. He hasn’t added names but he’s made it very obvious who he means e.g French 2/10 she’s very boring or physics 3/10 never speaks, very annoying. He’s rated his friends highly and of course in the comments section there is lots of speculation and chat about who he could mean.
My daughter is convinced she’s one of the ones who’s been rated low with a comment about how boring she is. She barely knows this boy but says he is very cocky, has a lot to say and makes her feel uncomfortable. She feels humiliated and doesn’t want to go to school on Monday. It’s been viewed nearly 300 times and shared twice although I don’t know how significant that is. She doesn’t have tiktok herself but was sent screen shots by a friend who spotted it and thought she should know.
My instinct says it’s horrible and sneery but is this something that’s serious enough to do anything about? I know his parents vaguely and they seem nice people but i am not on anything more than polite chat terms with them.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 27/11/2021 19:57

I would actually phone the parents. If my daughter was doing something like that I would want to know about it.

Phone them up and say that you're going to report it to school unless he pulls it down immediately. If he doesn't, then report it on Monday morning.

It was so much easier when we were at school. Bullying ended at 3:15.

Chickenkorma64 · 27/11/2021 20:01

Report to school. This is bullying and would be dealt with severely at my school

BleuJay · 27/11/2021 20:02

He hasn’t actually named her.

Rather than address any stupidity from him I would work on her becoming confident and not giving two hoots about someone she isn’t friends with and what some idiot thinks about her or not.

I would also tell her to watch the one who sent her the screenshots as that was not a nice thing to do.

If she can’t cope with this obnoxious behaviour I would question that she is allowed access to social media etc which is rife with this kind of crap and she is better off not seeing until she can cope with it and shrug it off.

SamBeckettsLastLeap · 27/11/2021 20:02

@HollowTalk

I would actually phone the parents. If my daughter was doing something like that I would want to know about it.

Phone them up and say that you're going to report it to school unless he pulls it down immediately. If he doesn't, then report it on Monday morning.

It was so much easier when we were at school. Bullying ended at 3:15.

Please do not do this. It will not end well.

Contact the school, it is a disappointing but regular occurrence for schools.

Luzina · 27/11/2021 20:03

Report to school and let them deal with it

Tee20x · 27/11/2021 20:10

I'll have to disagree and say I don't think this is bullying...it may be unkind but I wouldn't say bullying.

Landlubber2019 · 27/11/2021 20:11

I would message the parents asking them to ensure it was removed immediately as it's not appropriate.

I would proceed to escalate on Monday to the school of nothing was done.

N4ish · 27/11/2021 20:13

Report to school, definitely not his parents! Contacting them will escalate the whole situation. I think it’s bullying.

MissCruellaDeVil · 27/11/2021 20:16

It is bullying and the school will deal with it. Though 300 views is tiny if I'm being honest, plus as she wasn't named it is simply speculation it's her, tell her not to worry. Don't phone the parents! That never ends well...

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 27/11/2021 20:16

Assuming he hasn't taken photos or identified the people by tagging them or naming them I can't see he's done much wrong tbh.

If anything stems off the back of the video then that's a different matter, but as it stands he's just a cocky teen rating unidentifiable people.

GodIsAVegan · 27/11/2021 20:17

Report it to the school, I definitely wouldn’t speak to the parents.
Tiktok is full of cocky teens doing things like you describe, desperate for more followers/likes and social media ‘fame’. Have you seen some of the people on tiktok live and the comments in the lives? They make you feel like giving up on humanity.

I hope the school deal with it well if you do report it to them.

pheonixrebirth · 27/11/2021 20:37

This reminds me of that boy in "this is 40".
Miniature Tom Petty 😂it still cracks me up. The way the Mum goes to town on that kid (like so many of us would love to). I totally live vicariously through her in that moment.

SD1978 · 27/11/2021 21:18

I don't agree it's bullying, he is being an arse. It doesn't show or identify your daughter, and there is no details to say it's her-she assumes it is due to where she sits in class. Is there rules regarding phone use in class? He may be breaking them, but I'd talk to your daughter about what bullying is, and this isn't. It's not sustained, it's not directed at her, it's a vague non identifying tick tok she has, possibly correctly is aimed at her, stating he finds her boring. Doesn't really say much for him, but there are many people I work with I find boring. It hasn't commented on physical appearance, it sound tame, I but definitely juvenile

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/11/2021 21:23

It's an unusual kind of bullying but if it affects your DD this much then I feel it is.

One reason why I'm wary of TikTok is that encourages insidious things like this.

Original poster
Charleyfox · 27/11/2021 22:07

Thanks everyone for your replies. I’ve spoken to my daughter again and she says she is sure it’s her as the lesson she sits next to him in he’s got a wall on the other side and they’re surrounded by boys and he’s said ‘she’. Plus others seem to think it is. I don’t think she thinks she’s being bullied as such (that was my initial reaction/question ) - just that it’s brought her into the spotlight, caused people to talk and try and guess who it is and she feels humiliated. She says she doesn’t actually care if he thinks she’s boring but she does care that he’s decided that he feels he can mock her (and others) publicly on tiktok. She hasn’t got tiktok and doesn’t really bother with social media other than to chat to her friends so she’s someone who isn’t interested in followers and likes etc. She just wants to get on with things. We’ve talked it through and she’s feeling a bit better that it’ll blow over and by the end of Monday it’ll be forgotten. She did laugh as one of his comments he gave about a few of them was ‘they don’t speak’ so she said this isn’t going to help him with that is it? May still let school know as although he’s only described her as boring he’s been more personal about others and the comments section is taking on a life of its own.
Thanks again. It’s good to hear the range of views.

OP posts:
TSSDNCOP · 28/11/2021 10:36

Tiktok is a fucking scourge, but schools are clamping down extremely hard. Nice couple of days exclusion for him. The hope is that Tiktok, like most fads, will burnout soon.

Theunamedcat · 28/11/2021 10:40

Teach her to say, thank goodness the last thing I would want is for him to find me "interesting"

Walkerbean16 · 28/11/2021 11:09

if its been shared on WhatsApp etc then it could have been forwarded on that and more people could have seen it than the 2 shares.

gamerchick · 28/11/2021 11:12

I'd deft report it to the school. Sounds like he needs to be taken down a few pegs.

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