Is this fair? What would your kids do in this situation?

[KindergartenKop]

Scenario: Parent in online meeting doing presentation for four hours with two ten min breaks. Children age 6 and 9 hate each other. Kids would need to eat tea (pre prepared) and generally not kill each other or disturb parent during the presentation. Situation has occurred because other parent has covid and is trying to keep away from kids.

Questions: Is this neglectful to abandon kids like this just as a one off?
Is this too long to leave them to their own devices?
Would your kids be able to not kill each other or interrupt for this amount of time?
Would you give up on isolation for other parent or ask work to cancel part or all of presentation?

There is no way that mine would manage for this long without all hell breaking lose. Is there anyway at least one of them could have a play date somewhere else?

It's a big expectation yes. Especially for a six year old. I would ask to cancel the presentation.

Take youngest dc and tech +headphones into the room with you...

Can the DC go to a friends? Can one of them? I would happily have a friend of either DC in this situation.

If they 'hate each other' then yes, 4h seems like a lot.

Is everyone in good health, or is there a reason why their dad is staying away from them? I'd personally just mix as usual within the household if everybody is young and healthy.

I don't think it's neglectful as a one-off. But I don't think mine would not have managed that long without any adult attention / interruption. Possibly, if they had a film and lots of believable bribery for making it through.

Is the other parent so ill they can't help? I don't think a parent can realistically choose to isolate (assuming kids not vulnerable).

Mine are a lot older than that and it still wouldn't work for 4h. Asking too much I'm afraid. Not neglectful but overly optimistic. They will definitely interrupt.

Playdate was planned but friend has cancelled because one parent has covid (but is isolating in spare room)

I would ask to postpone the presentation. You won’t be able to concentrate on delivering a good presentation when you’re listening out for any problems. Work should understand in the current situation that these things happen. You could offer to pre record the session if it’s not possible to rearrange to a time you can get childcare?

I've done similar, it's fine for one off situations. Only concern would be that they may interrupt during the 4 hour presentation. Not sure how you would mitigate. Separate room, separate devices, loads of snacks and let them watch what they want within reason. Maybe have other parent able to make decisions through the door. Feel for you, have had to do similar.

What time of day is the presentation?

Mine would be fine

It’s not ideal but it’s not neglectful.

How critical is the presentation? Because it’s really difficult to imagine any situation where you wouldn’t be so stressed with this situation that it wouldn’t make more sense just to postpone.

My 6yo has done similar when I've had to work and had no options. Was happy with tv, toys and snacks and I popped in at any breaks to check on her and get anything she needed.

If it's an important presentation that can't be moved or done/shared with someone else then you can try and maybe mention you have dc in the house (keep it lighthearted, I've seen it plenty 'my kids are in the house so apologies in advance for any noise'. I've had plenty of presentations and meetings punctuated by a dancing toddler in the background!).

With 2 that don't get along it's trickier, would they say, watch a film for the first part- lights off, separate seats, blankets and snacks then you can sort another activity or film for the 2nd half. Limited interactions needed that way.
Unless your dh is really unwell he should surely be able to supervise them at the very least. He could keep a distance (or ventilate the room, wear a mask) but still parent his dc.

Funnily enough mu neighbour just had this situation. She ended up doing very high level conference presentation with 5 and 3 year old constantly interrupting. Honestly I think the isolation could have been ignored and they could have just watched a dvd in room with the isolating parent. OR isolating parent plays with them in garden or uses bribe of new lego tou or something similar if presentation really important

Mine don’t hate each other and they wouldn’t manage that. As to what the alternative should be depends on how important the presentation is, how much other work the presenting parent has had to miss, how understanding their employer is, the audience, the health of the children and how unwell the poorly adult is.

I have a 9 and 6 year old. They'd be quite happy to chill on tech and graze on snacks for 4 hours.

Presentation is not the most important thing ever, but can't really be postponed, only cancelled. It's an evening thing, so I'd have to put them to bed later than usual. Though not ridiculously late, that's not a major issue. I might see if it can be shortened.

Thanks for these answers. I was worried that my kids are especially feral but it seems there are other similar wild children out there!

Honestly with kids I wouldn’t try and isolate from them.

You can’t really just absent yourself from parenting for 10 days. It’s too much for the kids, and it’s too much for the other parent. Are they supposed to be child minding, cooking for them, bringing food up to the spare room, cleaning, school run, sports clubs, and working?

I’d be pitching in and helping with the household and child related crap. Chances are unless you keep very separate and don’t see each other for 10 days you’ll catch it anyway.

I think for the sake of retaining some form of professional front I’d break the Covid bubble.
Actually we have discussed that should anyone in the house come down with Covid then of course rest in bedrooms as much as needed but no one will be cut off from the rest of the family - at some point I’m sure we’ll all catch it and none of us are in a particularly vulnerable condition.
Different if you feel you or the dc are vulnerable but if he’s (just presuming it’s their dad) just feeling rough then he’d hopefully manage to sit in the same room as one or both of them and stick a film on, get easy snacks etc then the presentation will be more relaxed for you.

Am surprised with the responses. Where were you in lockdown? This was lockdown, every single day, but with a 4 and 5 year old. Neglectful to do it every single day but we had no choice.

Prep food, check on them during breaks, and have something for them to do. Not sure what occupies a 9 year old but my 6 year old would happy if I ran out and gave her printed out colouring pages during break 1, and let her have screen time after break 2.

The trouble is, if the isolating parent gives covid to the kids then I'm likely to get it and then I can't work at all (most work done in person, being absent is tricky).

@newmumwithquestions

Am surprised with the responses. Where were you in lockdown? This was lockdown, every single day, but with a 4 and 5 year old. Neglectful to do it every single day but we had no choice.

Prep food, check on them during breaks, and have something for them to do. Not sure what occupies a 9 year old but my 6 year old would happy if I ran out and gave her printed out colouring pages during break 1, and let her have screen time after break 2.

Yes this.

Mine were doing this pretty much every day in lockdown. Films, snacks, iPads

Agreed. We did this for MONTHS through lockdown. Not ideal but we survived. In ways.

Oh and agree with pp - personally as a family we’d bubble together insofar as whoever had Covid wouldn’t lock themselves away. So they’d be available to sit and watch a film with the kids.