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Help. I’ve just been roped into something and I’m getting stress headaches

33 replies

FML634 · 26/11/2021 14:09

Someone has just thrown me under the bus to attend a meeting at work. It’s in a really posh place (think science related central London).

I have a complex about my experience and skills. I’m new in the field. On paper I’m not exactly clever. I’m very average. And I can’t talk infront of people because I get nervous. I’ve recently been promoted but I can’t say my new job title because it’s not gone through yet..I feel inadequate compared to my colleagues.

How can I fake it on Monday? What do I do? I’ll just sit there feeling like a lemon. 7.5 hours of torture whilst I sit and reflect on how inadequate I am compared to everyone. Is there anything I can take beforehand? Not drugs, although tempted.

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 26/11/2021 14:09

Do you need to present?

purplesequins · 26/11/2021 14:12

most of the others will feel equally inadequate.

you will be fine!

AChickenCalledDaal · 26/11/2021 14:15

If you're new to the field you may have a perfect opportunity to show your face, find a talkative person to sit near and tell them you're keen to learn as much as possible. With any luck all you'll have to say is "really, how fascinating" for seven hours.

Apologies if that's not an appropriate approach to this particular event. But there's probably some variation you can use to get yourself through it.

MartyHart · 26/11/2021 14:19

Instead of thinking how inadequate you are I would be interested in listening to what all the boffins are saying.
Do you have to say anything?
I'm sure you deserve your new post, they wouldn't have given it to you otherwise.
Be nice to yourself, you deserve to do well.

CruCru · 26/11/2021 14:28

Hi OP

What are you actually going to do at this meeting? I expect that this person thinks they are offering you an opportunity (if I’d recently been promoted, I would be really irritated to be excluded from a relevant meeting).

If you need to present then pull the presentation together and run through it with a colleague (they won’t mind). If you only need to have something intelligent to contribute, do 1 to 1.5 hours reading up (do limit it or it will stress you out more).

Do something you really enjoy at the weekend. Don’t fret over it if you can help it.

FML634 · 26/11/2021 14:41

Luckily there’s no presenting, but I’ve been asked to pull together key bits of information and it can probably turn into a presentation.

But I’ve also been asked to talk about something we offer, except I don’t know the process inside and out like others because it’s been broken for so long and I wasn’t involved in it when it was working.

I’ve been assured that others in the team will take lead if any questions pop up about it and I have no idea, but that will just make me feel even more shit. Suppose I should be grateful the team are aware it’s unfair what’s happened and are willing to pitch in.

What a mess.

OP posts:
FML634 · 26/11/2021 14:42

Also, I dread introducing myself. Can someone tell me how you do introductions?

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 26/11/2021 14:53

Keep i Gordy too a short. Hi, m name is x and I’ve been working at y for the past z. My areas of interest are primarily xxx. I’m looking forward to speaking with you today.

Then stop so it moves to the next in line.

If you have to introduce others, check pronunciation beforehand.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 26/11/2021 14:55

For the rest of the meeting:

  • that’s an interesting point. Perhaps Z can provide more detail.

  • I’ll need to check that so let me make a note and I will get back to you.

  • try to ask the first of second questions got any section, so you’ve participated but cn then sit back a bit. People will remember you being keen.

And in any breaks, find people, be attentive and ask open questions about whatever they are interested in so you can listen. Prompt with further questions to keeping going.

Beamur · 26/11/2021 14:56

Being new in post is a gift - you're not responsible for any of the mistakes and if you don't know something it's also down to that - have a few phrases handy (check with colleagues etc).
It's a really good learning and networking experience.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 26/11/2021 14:57

And keep Detail of the broken process high level.

If pinned down, you can always confirm that it is constantly reviewed to incorporate updates and changes to meet the varying needs of stakeholders.

Dozer · 26/11/2021 14:59

No one has ‘thrown you under a bus’: you’ve been asked to represent your organisation at an event/meeting.

Good tips here.

Just prepare as best you can and focus on the content of the event, not your inner angst!

Dozer · 26/11/2021 15:00

External people don’t know about problems with your organisation, eg what you describe as ‘broken’.

FML634 · 26/11/2021 15:04

Okay that sounds doable. I can write down and practice over the weekend.

I’m trying to find something to calm my nerves.

OP posts:
FML634 · 26/11/2021 15:06

Thanks for all the advice. Some good tips I can practice these all.

OP posts:
43leftfeet · 26/11/2021 15:08

The way to cope with events like this is to turn your attention outwards, not inwards.

At the moment, your attention is inwards, you're worrying about yourself and how you will come across etc.

You need to find a way to turn your attention on to the people at the meeting.

For job interviews, I did this by reminding myself that it wasn't just about them judging me - I was also there to find out if the job was suitable for me, by being curious about the job and listening to hat they were saying and how they were saying it.

This took my attention away from myself and made me a much better interview candidate as I was asking intelligent questions about the job. It gave me a sense of purpose and this simple trick got rid of my anxiety in interviews.

As Bemur says, being new is a gift. No one will expect you to know much. Stop being so hard on yourself.

When you introduce yourself, make sure you mention you're new, you'll do your best to answer or refer on any questions and you're looking forward to working with them. Don't be apologetic about being new, just factual.

And then make it your mission in your head to get to know who the people are in the room and how they fit into your work. Listen to them. Ask questions if it's appropriate, or make notes if not.

7.5 hours is a long time to fill!

Maybe give yourself the challenge of finding out each person's name and job title and writing yourself a note about each - perhaps one note on how their work relates to yours, and another on their topic in the meeting - or whatever it would be useful to have afterwards.

This gives you something to do.

You don't have to use the specific examples I've mentioned here, but the key is to get your brain to focus on something purposeful and not yourself.

TikkyFlikky · 26/11/2021 15:14

You can field questions, you don't have to answer them all. Plus you can suck up in the process "That's a great question, we're lucky to have an expert on this process in our team, Jenny Bloggs, this gentleman has asked (then repeat the question) what do you think about that?" Probably best to forewarn people that you'll be fielding though! Most people will NOT be thinking about you. They will be wondering what the lunch will be like, their painful back, hoping no one asks them a question and whether they should remortgage.

TeenTitan007 · 26/11/2021 15:32

Take time to choose your attire and shoes. Dressing well makes you feel confident to a degree.

jpbee · 26/11/2021 15:38

Try to keep in mind that barely anyone feels entirely confident in meetings like this. And even confident people will mull over things they said after the meeting and question if they came across as stupid. I know this doesn't change how you feel, but it can help to realise that others in the meeting may well be going through a similar thought process.

prettyteapotsplease · 26/11/2021 16:02

Two things to bear in mind - you wouldn't have been promoted if they didn't think you were capable.

Lots of events bring up worries beforehand and afterwards you wonder why on earth you felt so insecure about it. You can do this OP.

AChickenCalledDaal · 26/11/2021 17:59

If you have colleagues present, there's a good formula for answering curve-ball questions, which goes something like "I'll ask Marjorie to come in on that point, but what initially comes to mind is ...".

You then say something short but relatively credible, to buy Marjorie some thinking time, then turn to Marjorie and smile. She'll get the message that you need baling out, while also being grateful that you gave her a couple of minutes to get her thoughts together.

And if your first answer was a bit crap, they will soon forget what you said and remember what Marjorie said, so no harm done Grin.

AChickenCalledDaal · 26/11/2021 18:01

I’m trying to find something to calm my nerves.

What works best for me is focussing on something nice that's going to happen after the meeting. Along the lines of "this too shall pass" . Helps me keep it in perspective and remember that life will go on pretty much uninterrupted even if I have a bad day.

Gosports · 26/11/2021 18:28

Apparently a woman will tend to think ‘I can only do 80% of that, I’d better not even try’, whereas a man will think ‘I can do 20% of that, I’ll give it a try’. So just fake it and pretend you have the confidence of a man!

OhPeeQueue · 29/11/2021 06:22

It’s Monday now. So I’ve been practicing things in my head, manager gave me a list of points over the weekend.

I’ve calmed down but I’m under no illusion. Usually when I feel things will be okay, I end up sitting uncomfortably for hours looking like a spare part, telling myself I’m an idiot for thinking I’d be okay. Don’t know why I’m so unconfident.

I’m going to dress up, slap on some make up and just go and look like a friendly face at least. Luckily didn’t break out in any zits overnight.

DobbleDobble · 29/11/2021 06:28

Have a look at “fake it till you make it “ TED talk on this subject.Think it’s by a lady called surname of Kundy.