When the beautiful younger lady comes in and turns heads

[toecoffin]

I'm quite happy being in my 40s and being intolerant of bullshit with no desire to impress the opposite sex. I also have no resentment or desire to try and compete with youthful beauty. I had my time and it had its pitfalls as well as it's fun. Besides I like mature beauty and wisdom

However I encountered a situation where my expertise was over looked (by men) in favour of the young lady with no experience but who is very beautiful.

I don't resent her, although I can see she plays to her assets but I have lost respect for these men and their bullshit

Have you ever encountered this? How did you feel?

I've had patronising comments, not age but gender related and they made me feel angry which they would do!

However we live and die by our principles, and if it is that important then I don't accept being overlooked, I hammer my point until it's either heard or rebuffed for reasons that I agree to disagree on.

I just feel that it's hard to express your concern over this without looking like you're a jealous older woman. And I'm really not!

I once sat next to a very beautiful young woman in an open plan office. Beautiful people were quite commonplace in that office (questionable recruitment policy?) but I think this girl must have had something special for the male eye. I was astounded to see all the powerful senior men in the office take a regular detour past her desk, sheepishly saying hi and then scuttling away. She was cold and scornful (and useless at her job) and could afford to be. And yes, the men looked very foolish and I lost respect for them. If they want to make important decisions on that basis, they don't deserve your respect. It's annoying, because to object could make you look bitter or envious, rather than justified.

@toecoffin

I just feel that it's hard to express your concern over this without looking like you're a jealous older woman. And I'm really not!

There is no effective way to express your concern over your male colleagues reaction to your colleague - people rarely thank you for exposing their fuckwittery.

As PP said, I’d just keep making my point probably with reference to previous experience and ask for an explanation of why my idea won’t work/ has been ignored.

What was the exact scenario, OP? I mean, in a meeting or what? And were you literally saying 'No, what X has proposed won't work because of Y. Here is what I think we need to do'? and they were saying 'No, let's go with X's idea?'

Definitely keep it along professional lines, ie, I suggest this because of xyz based on my experience in this field. The reason sexy inexperienced woman's idea is less optimal is blah blah, and I am concerned about wasting money/time etc if we pursue that pathway.

I guess you just have to raise your concerns based on her lack of experience rather than her looks.

@toecoffin

I just feel that it's hard to express your concern over this without looking like you're a jealous older woman. And I'm really not!

This is a very clever tactic, which has been in use for centuries to stem equality and abuse.

I havent experienced anything personally like the OP, but of course this is common. And young women play into it because they are basically socialised to do so.

When i was in my teens/early twenties, whenever another woman or girl was unpleasant to me, the men in my friendship group would always tell me she must be jealous. It bored me to death then as it does now.

Sadly women often conform to this slimy yet persistent aspect of our culture, consciously or unconsciously, which helps to perpetuate the issue. Young boys are also socialised to behave this way amongst other men when an attractive woman is present. It is all learned behaviour and fairly toxic, and i imagine the only way to temper it is awareness at a young age (education, not academic, but essential).

correction : to stem equality and excuse abuse

The "she must be jealous" comment is used on here quite often by women about other women! It's not just men buttering up to gorgeous young things.

I have no experience of this situation OP but I am a civil servant and the culture is perhaps different.

But it always amazes me how far some men are prepared to fuck up their own lives in pursuit of hot totty. We had a senior manager once who was absolutely gaga over a gorgeous, young new recruit and used to ring her every night at home on her personal mobile taken from her HR file presumably, ostensibly offering help and advice with her training courses, e-learning etc, offer to take her out for lunch disguised as training etc (in her defence, she would refuse). Funnily enough, the other new recruit (average looking lady in her 40s) was not offered the same professional courtesy and was ignored.

Another manager had to take him aside to tell him to wind his neck in before anyone complained.

Absolutely pathetic. I used to rate him as a manager before that but lost all respect after that. How could any grown adult be so ridiculous and unprofessional?