Does anyone else find that thinking things through is detrimental to action?

[TheBeesKnee]

The more I think about things the less likely I seem to be to do anything. It's like i talk myself out of it. I overthink things too far into the future and consider all possibilities. It's exhausting.

My partner is a porn addict. He watches porn every opportunity he gets (e.g. wakes up early, long showers with his phone) and it's having a profound and deep impact on me. In my naivety I thought that talking things through with him could lead to changes. It has not. He does what he does, just gets better at hiding things. We will have sex maybe twice a month. It hurts me that he prefers porn to me, but he says it's not like that and they're two different things, if he's in the mood for one it doesn't mean that he's in the mood for the other.

I recently came to the realisation that he will never change or do anything differently. He will continue to prioritize porn, put me and our relationship second, and will lie to my face about how often he watches porn and masturbates. It's very depressing.

So the only logical way forward is to break up with him, right? Then I start thinking about what I would say and having a debate with myself; he's not that bad, he's fine with most other aspects of the relationship, other men are worse, I'm unattractive anyway, I wouldn't be able to buy a house on my own, other sunken costs fallacies etc etc.

I used to be very low tolerance; back in the day I would just break things off with boyfriends almost on a whim. Now I overthink things and feel like I'm carved into place. I live with an ever growing sense of anxiety. Normal things trigger me. I don't recognize myself.

There's a phrase forget exactly what it is but it's about how rumination is just procrastination and leads to stagnation. We feel we are being thorough thinking about pros and cons but actually, we're just dithering.

Why not have a good think about the best your life could be in the near future? E.g. living by standards that increase your self esteem and self respect, being free to meet a man who is engaged with you emotionally and physically.

You might only afford a smaller place but there are loads of options. You could house share for a while and meet some new people, or you could buy a small flat and make it beautiful, exactly the way you want it.

You see I dint think that thinking through things stops me from doing th8gs, quite the opposite.
When I’ve thought through stuff then I feel more in control and confident I’m doing the right thing at the right time.

So in your case, I would think about how I would cope financially, have an idea of where I could move and how to tell him.
Then I’d feel comfortable going with it and tell him we are finished.

What you are describing though is NOT thinking through stuff. What you are describing is putting yourself down. Find your anger. A proper rightful anger and dint let him/others convince you you are not worth more than that.