Stop the world, I want to get off!

[TokyoSushi]

I wonder if anybody can help me understand how I'm feeling. I really just feel like I want to run away/withdraw from life.

I have a really lovely DH/DC and they're not the issue. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. I'm so busy all the time, I have a full time job that I'm not particularly keen on. Every weekday evening is taken up with either exercise for me or ferrying the DC to and from clubs and classes. Every weekend day or evening is booked up between now and Christmas. I have various groups of friends, not all of whom I'm sure are entirely good for me, and my phone is just ping ping ping all day long.

I feel massively overstretched and like somebody wants something from me all the time. I don't know how to say that I just can't do it anymore. I need some space, some time to just be. But I feel like everybody has such high expectations of me. I'm the organiser, the problem solver, the chatty one, the person that will help you out at midnight, one of the school mums that everybody knows. If I just start saying no, people will start to say 'what's up with Tokyo?' And I just really want people to give me a break! How can I gradually retreat without causing a fuss? Does anybody even have any idea what I'm talking about?

Start saying no to things. "No i can't cine for a meal on Friday because I'm already out in Thursday and Saturday and I need some time off!" I don't think anyone would question that and, if they did, so what? I know what it's like when people have these expectations that you'll help with XYZ at the school or come to XYZ every weekend, the only way to stop those expectations is to say no and stop doing stuff. What's the worst that can happen?

Also turn your phone off. Mute the WhatsApp groups or have your phone on silent at set times. If people question it you could tell them you're trying to cut down on phone use

You have to limit who has access to you, dont make yourself too available. I quite often ignore my phone and have recently decided to let go of two friendships that are no longer working for me, time for a change. Theres a saying " If you are a giver know your limits because takers dont have any. "
Its really important to have time for yourself, make it a priority, my evenings are very quiet and relaxed, l look forward to them after a busy day, l tell people quite cheerfully l am a hermit, and have no trouble in saying No. When you get older like myself you lose the need for approval, and quite happily throw away the chains of expections others have of you, it makes for a.much easier life.

Thanks both, I rhink i need to start setting some better boundaries.

Definitely mute the groups. I do. The only pingers i have are the kids, DH, dad and my friend. Everyone else is muted cos they aren’t that important if something happens.

Like most, weekends in the run up to Christmas are busy. I have one thing on a weekend. No more. Probably easier as my kids are older.

What to do have planned, anything you can get out of?

I have just found this thread after posting a similar one. I'm finding my life feels like an endless routine with fixed commitments everyday and also struggling with no downtime. Sorry, I don't have the answers but you're not alone. I'm really looking forward to a break from it all over Christmas!

I completely understand.... you described me most of the time. I have made it a habit maybe once a week I will have a fake errand to run/appointment something. Yes I know that sounds horrible to make up such. But sometimes I just want/need a little break. Just 30 minutes maybe a hour to myself. It helps me so much.

@LilSulli - now that is a brilliant idea! It would be wonderful to just go and sit in the park all on my own for an hour, while my head gradually lets go of all the crap. Thank you!

I'd get a phone jail. Pop it in there for a few hours every evening. The messages will wait.

I know it sounds a little crazy but I was constantly going and going. I have been known to just go sit in a parking lot, turn the radio up and "relax". I learned the hard way you have to make a little time for yourself or you can get really aggravated with everyone.

Yes,and I'm retired. People ask me what I find "to do". I have 2 registered disabled sons, one im carer for.He is around 90 minutes away by road on a good day
This year has been taken up attempting to speak to DWP arranging Covid jabs etc with these people WFH I also "took on" shopping etc for elderly friend, about half mile away,6 days a week. Because it was a friend,I carried on a year,he was isolating with health issues. I ran him for Dr Hospital appointments. He ran up a shopping bill. I had to stop.6 days a week was a big commitment. I work voluntarily for the local parish council and councellor. Bubbled with single parent DD, for childcare. Sometimes collecting them 80 mile round trip.I am everyone's "go to". Have been told to "just stop" can't see anything I can stop on that list. I used to do all this plus work 12.5 night shift with just over 100 miles round trip commute. I do now say no.

You sound way too busy. I was overwhelmed by far less and now I am more choosy about what I say yes to. Never two nights out at the weekend, or two weekends away in a row. I walk/run instead of exercise class so I have less scheduling in my life and the kids now do fewer clubs so we can sit on the TV more together. Easier teas. I often get some phone admin done while they are watching something.

I felt exactly like this pre-pandemic. I’d also been separated from my STBXH for 4 months when the first lockdown was instigated. Honestly? It was a blessed relief. I’ve changed my life immeasurably since and although it’s taken a huge amount of effort, I do feel so much less overwhelmed.

I’m fortunate in that I sometimes still WFH but I’ve also dropped to two days in a fairly demanding job. I still do bits across the week for work at busy times but can now go at my own pace. I’ve moved house too and this has created a natural geographical boundary with some friends, who I still see but less so. I also took the decision to end a very long ‘friendship’ as it was hugely unhealthy and very toxic.

I’m short, I’ve got better at creating boundaries and also at not putting too much pressure on myself. This has been really hard to do as I’m a people-pleaser with workaholic perfectionist tendencies but I’m on the road to recovery!!

During lockdown my life was exactly the same.while DD worked before being furloughed I drove over sat in the garden away from the DGKs, distanced but had to see sons. No let up,WFH some folk moaning. Friend of over 35 years actually told me I was lucky to have disabled sons

Make a decision to only do a certain number of social things per week/month, if you are already booked up then find a later date or just decline .

I’m a bit similar in that I have a few different small groups of unconnected friends rather than one big group. And at this time of year I find there’s a Christmas ‘thing’ or get together for each activity/group. It just gets a bit much.

With the kids activities are there any they’d like to cut back on? Sometimes you have to set a limit per child and make them choose.

I have a few different small groups of unconnected friends rather than one big group. And at this time of year I find there’s a Christmas ‘thing’ or get together for each activity/group. It just gets a bit much.

Me too!