The ‘English’ way is dessert first, cheese second. The French (Continental?) way is cheese first, dessert second.
Remember that in the UK, port (which goes very well with cheese) was traditionally served at the end of the meal to the men only because it was far too strong for us poor, delicate ladies. Ladies would also withdraw to the (with)drawing room after a dessert or sweet course to leave the men to continue with port and cheese and cigars and talk about manly stuff that might offend our delicate sensibilities, such as, you know, politics!
In the what goes first debate, for me, it depends on what I am serving, who my guests are and what I want to eat next! Sometimes they both come out at the same time. If I want a more leisurely meal and the conversation is good, I’ll bring them out separately.
Menu planning:
Drinks - I always make sure there is red wine, white wine, beer, coke, Diet Coke, spite, diet lemonade, water and orange juice. Champagne for special occasions. Ex and I did have a selection of liquors when we were younger but neither my guests nor I seem to enjoy that as much now. Not sure if that is age or fashion or social group?
Nibbles/canapés - I’ve only ever hosted something formal enough for proper canapés a few times.mostly, I serve nibbles which are usually olives, sometimes nuts, crudités and dip, or popcorn. Popcorn is great as something different for very casual evenings and disappears very quickly! But it can be quite filling.
Starter - usually soup because I can do it the day before and reheat or serve cold. Might do bread rolls as well, depends on what it is. Occasionally, I do salad. That depends on the numbers because I want to prepare it ahead of time and I don’t have a massive fridge in which to keep lots of prepared plates.
Main - it varies. A lot. More formal, I go for something that can be baked in the oven and have a sauce poured over it (salmon, for example, or steak or chicken breast). Sauces seem to impress people. Less formal, stew or casserole or sheet bakes such as curry, braised steak, coq au vin (which still impresses people because it has a French name and sounds much fancier than it actually is). Maybe a roast.
The main course must need minimal attention when my guests are here. I can spare 30 seconds periodically to put things in the oven or turn them, and five minutes for last minute things like a sauce or gravy, and plating but that is it.
Dessert/sweet - always prepared in advance. Usually cake, sometimes homemade chocolate mousse or a fruit tart or meringue. If you are lazy, ice cream with a liquor goes down really well, especially with men. More people ask for seconds of that than anything else.
Cheese - a soft cheese, hard cheese and stinky cheese and maybe two more. At least two types of crackers (depends what is in the cupboard), maybe some bread, and grapes and some kind of pickle if I have remembered to buy it (not something I usually eat myself so easily forgotten).