School refusing. Does anyone have any advice?

[WhatToDoodle]

DS is 12 and in his first term of Year 7 (October born).

He has ASD and anxiety and his attendance has steadily declined; he is now unable to go to school at least one day per week. “Luckily” he does recognise he needs to go to school and he manages the other days but he is so highly anxious , he is very difficult to handle at home. I can’t talk to him (even to ask what he would like for dinner) as he just explodes due to the anxiety of having been at school and the thought of going to school the next day.

He is unable to verbalise why he doesn’t want to go. He gets prepared for school but he just can’t get out of the door some days. It’s not always the same day so it’s difficult to pin point triggers. He does say he just can’t deal with the sheer volume of people.

He has an EHCP but the strategies in place are not helping as his anxiety appears very generalised and it all builds up over the day until he can no longer cope.

He’s a very bright boy but his work is suffering. I want to stop this avoidance in its tracks but it would be at the sacrifice of his mental health.

When he does go in to school, he is crying and desperate and it’s just awful to see; but he’s an exceptional masker so nobody sees this side of him.

At home he is such an angry , explosive boy and it’s just not fair on him or his siblings.

What can I do?

Rockbird have you applied for an EHCNA? If DD can not attend school full time is she receiving medical needs tuition?

Theghostofchristmasarse have you thought about applying for an EHCNA?

Handoverthechocollate the LA should be providing tuition and any other provision specified and quantified in section F now whilst amending the EHCP. If the LA won't, threaten Judicial Review, and contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter if they resist. If you get an EOTAS package via the EHCP ensure it covers other provision as well as tuition such as therapies.

l deregistered my son aged 13 due to an anxiety disorder.
After deschooling he slowly got back on track, and has now just sat his exams. If your child is bright there is no reason why they can' t homeschool, the tools are out there, my son self taught himself, l got him the relevant books, there 's tons of information and tutorials online, he is looking to get A*. It is doable, he has since got a part time job and studying alongside, he is 16, and looking to study A levels next year.
Taking him out of school was the best thing as it was only then we could get his anxiety levels down and restart a different path, we had hit rock bottom trying to make the school system work.
There are workbooks and study books for GCSEs and IGCSEs on Amazon, a local
college near me allows home schooled students to sit exams as private candidates. They have been really helpful.

Thanks for your comments @Imitatingdory, my lawyer has put in a complaint letter to the LA and will probably send a pre action one shortly. We have salt, Ed Psych and OT appts in the diary early next year with a view to going to tribunal over a change of placement or EOTAS next year. In the meantime the LA are doing absolutely nothing about my sons education, it's so sad

I really like Rick Lavoie’s videos on these things. They are American and dated so use some terms we might not use today, but he makes so much sense.
This is a long video, but it is very much worth the time to watch it, particularly around the Hidden Curriculum in schools. My son always struggled with the Hidden Curriculum, until a new senco started who understood that this needs to be taught.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=TyaHlOYtkI4