Self care if you have a toddler - is it ever possible?

[TheWildernessYears]

My son is 17 months and I'm currently SAHP full time. Obviously I don't get much time for myself during the week, but I'm now at the point where I'm starting to really crave it. In particular I'm wishing I had more time to look after my self through doing exercise I used to do before baby - yoga, strength training, walking etc. I feel I need all the strength I can get with the physical work of having a (very heavy and stubborn) toddler, abs lugging round the buggy etc, but ironically my body is the weakest it's ever been as Ive no time to keep up with this stuff. After DS goes to bed around 8 I catch up on housework /dishwasher / cleaning etc and then by 9/10 I'm absolutely exhausted. Also, whilst it may sound shallow, I'm feeling ready to spend and more time in looking after my appearance as that has all had to slide with having a baby obviously. But now as an older mum I'm starting to really feel my age and look like the lack of sleep has taken its toll, and just scraping my hair back each day, chucking on the same old jumper, doing minimal make up, and having permanently chipped nails is contributing to me feeling a little bit depressed and lacking a certain feeling of energy about myself - if that makes sense.

I do eat extremely healthily but want to do more to look after myself now. I feel it would benefit my mental health abs if I'm feeling happier then my son benefits too. I don't have any childcare at the moment so I guess that's a major issue.

Does anyone reading who has a toddler (or remembers that time) manage to do a better job on managing their time and having a bit of self care? Or is every mum of a toddler feeling this way?

I feel this way. I can't remember the last time I actually straightened my hair! I want to exercise but once bedtime is done and cleaning etc I don't have the energy. Working full time with a toddler is hard. I couldn't imagine being a SAHP full time- the energy needed is astounding! Work feels like a break to me haha.

I'm very grateful to my mom who will have my son overnight generally once a month and I've taken that time as me time. Even painting my nails felt great. Do you have anybody that could take care of your son for a an hour or 2 each week so you can get some you time?

If you have a partner- can they give you a break?

Op i feel exactly the same; i was just saying the other day i want some time for self care. i have a toddler and also a 4 year old and i just feel frazzled. I love my dc to bits but do crave time to do my nails and just chill! My nails are all snapped and dry from constant handwashing, i keep meaning to moisturise them! I feel i need a week away at a spa retreat lol i can dream! I was getting more time of an evening for baths and thinga but now my toddler isnt sleeping well and is in our bed every night which isnt helping! To be honest when i do get time to myself i feel i just waste it as feeling so tired and run down. My oldest brings every virus going home from school too so just constantly have something! Me and dh get no time together either as always a child with us; i feel your pain. I do know it gets better though you as ALOT easier when they are in school even with school runs.

I have a 23 month old and a 16 month old. It's hard work, isn't it?

We don't have outside help, but we are both hands on parents. I exercise four times a week early in the morning. Husband gets the kids dressed and does breakfast. I usually make sure they are bathed and clothes set out the night before.
It's a massive priority for me. I need to safeguard my physical and mental health.
Makeup etc is off the table right now, but hoping to grab back a bit more time as they get a bit older and more independent.

@Liverbird77 how do you find the time to do that though? I get 20-30mins to get ready if I'm lucky. I couldn't fit in exercise and a shower / moisturise in that time, let alone drying my hair or anything.

Yes to answer pp, I am hoping to book a babysitter or mother's help to come in occasionally, but I'm not sure how people use them? Would it be weird if I went off to have a shower?!

I’ve got 2 toddlers and never leave the house with my hair done and makeup on.
I wake up at 6.30 to shower and get ready before they wake up as it’s easier than doing it when they’re awake.

I think it really depends how much money you have. One of my closest friends is a sham but has a full time nanny and a parent time housekeeper. She looks great. Another friend recently had a baby but has a night nanny and parents willing to help out in the day. She also looks great. The only childcare I have is for when I am working so I’m am not looking so great. My husband does look after the kids whilst I go for a couple of runs a week. I don’t do any house work once the kids are in bed except dinner and tidying up after but that is shared with my husband, evenings are for relaxing.

My first observation is that your toddler son goes to bed at 8, no wonder you don't have time in the evenings. My youngest is in reception and is still in bed asleep around 6.30 and sleeps until the morning. That leaves me 3-4 hours to sort the house and other DC, as well as exercising/showering etc. Is that an option?

I managed it. Sometimes you just have to leave them to their own devices. I just took DS in the bathroom with me when I had a shower with some toys to keep him busy. Always did my makeup in the mornings in the living room with him next to me watching TV. He started nursery when he was 2 for 3 hours a day so I had a couple of hours to go to the gym and get my nails done then. Will that be an option for you in future?

Ds1 is 5, Ds2 is 17 months. Exercise has fallen by the wayside but I do get up at 6am and ensure I'm showered and hair dry, a quick covering of makeup every morning ready to leave the house at 8am for school/nursery/work.

Get home at 5:30, DH arrives home a similar time, He takes the kids does homework etc while I sort dinner. Baby in bed for 7, older one in bed for 8. Then we tidy, chill, I will gel polish my nails some nights, or have a long bath/facemask/20 min yoga. We go to bed and are usually asleep by 10:30.

Yeah I'm feeling like some kind of childcare where there are a couple of hours from time to time would be good. All the nurseries round us are full days without any flexibility though, so it might need to be some kind of babysitter. I doubt a nanny would do 2 hours. Or a mother's help?

Wow the housekeeper sounds amazing!!! No wonder your friend looks great! If only!!

If my baby went to bed at 6.30 he'd be awake at 5.30am and that's not happening thanks! At the moment he wakes at 7 and I'm happy with that.

No, we both work full time too, so it feels like I don't get a moment to breathe let alone go to the gym, get my hair/nails done, I've never looked after myself less, it's really shit. Evenings are used for housework, life admin, household tasks three evenings a week either one of us is working late (to accommodate pick up and drop off on other days/balance hours) or I'm at the supermarket. I have the day off today and DS is in nursery (only the second time this has happened it's not a regular thing) I'm painting the back bedroom rather than my nails and DH is building DS's new bed, we'll do a tip run on the way to pick up. I feel like either my home can be maintained or I can. The most I get at the moment is a leisurely bath once a fortnight. I'm hoping it gets easier as he gets older!

I have 2.5 year old twins, I had them at 39 and I honestly feel as though the ageing process has been on supersonic these last 2.5 years. I look dreadful. We survived (and I literally use the term survive) on coffee & chocolate for the first year. I'm now heavier than I was 3 weeks after my C section.

I've just been to the hairdressers, I had long blonde hair that I used to tie up in a top knot, its now been cut into a very ash/grey bob which means that I have to do my hair every couple of days which definitely helps me prioritise. One tip that I had was that when they are in the bath each night use the time to take make up off/cleanse/moisturise.

My girls go to bed at 6.30am and one of them is up at 6am (the other 7am if we're lucky) but me & DH take it in turns to get up early which gives the other one a little lie in.

The toddler stage is brutal, I laugh now at how hard I thought it was when they were newborn. Pah! newborns were a walk in the park lol

I have been struggling with this too. I work full time and have a 18 month old who doesn't sleep through the night. I feel that's the biggest issue - if she slept through then I could get up earlier than her and work out then shower but I'm exhausted due to her waking... and she's usually in my bed by the morning anyway so I couldn't get up as it would wake her. The biggest thing I've done that's helped is straight after I've put her down for bed I walk into the bathroom and take a shower... I don't pass go/collect £200/get distracted!!! I tend to wash my hair, use a hair mask or shave my legs etc. That way if I only get a short time to rinse in the shower the next day it's not such an issue and over the first fortnight of doing it I started to feel much more groomed. Still no time to exercise though!!

I sent dc to a childminder at this age for four hours each week so that I could do housework, shop, pilates class etc. I had hoped for a mother’s help, but didn’t have much luck with finding one.

I did used to go to a gym that had a crèche. It wasn’t my ideal solution, but it got me back to exercising.

I now have a three month old baby - and am trying to book a babysitter to come to the house so that I can do an online pilates class!

Ugh @didihearthatright123456 you are so right about that. It's a massive conspiracy all the stuff about newborns and how hard it is having a baby. No-one even mentions toddlers to you. I remember I literally had a day when my son was 9 months and had just started moving around properly when I realised I was never ever going to get a moment to myself again. I cried with the realisation that the newborn bit and the bit when they can sit up but not actually move is actually the easiest!

You've described exactly how I was until my then 2yo dd started nursery last Easter. I'd put on three stone since having her and felt awful.
She's now at nursery two days a week 8.30-15.30, I've lost all my weight and manage to exercise every day, at the gym when she's at nursery and at home during afternoon naps one the other days. It took me three years to get back to myself so it will happen, you'll get there.

You don't mention a partner - are you a single parent?

These might not be a thing at the moment with covid but could you join a gym with a creche? I feel you though, I don’t have time to do anything with myself either. Ageing has massively escalated over the past 18 months.

You’re at a point where parenting is very full on. I’ve found with both of mine that things got a bit easier from about 21/2. You can get other things done while they play etc.

@TheWildernessYears I get up really early...gym sessions start at 6.15 am. If I can't make four sessions in the week, I sometimes do one on Saturday and Sunday at 9.
I am showered/changed/hair blasted but not totally dry or styled within 30mins.
Husband leaves at 8.30am which makes a big difference. There's no way I could do it at night, I'd be far too tired these days!!

I'm not at that stage any more, thank god, but have 5DC and have always done what is now termed 'self-care'. It's a rare day that I haven't done an evening skincare routine and had half hour to write my diary and listen to music.

Personally, I'd utilise childcare to actually get some time away that will benefit how you feel in yourself. Get a (gel) manicure, haircut, take a yoga class even browse a book shop whatever you enjoy that is going to make a difference to your life then come home and have that shower.

I think the key for you is this doing of chores after bedtime, my DC didn't have bedtimes but I wouldn't have been doing the cleaning over having a nice bath. Try and get as much as you can in the day to free up your evening. A quick post dinner tidy should take 15 mins max, have everything else done.

Combine what you can with childcare, and save the parts you really enjoy for when you can get away. I exercised in the day, at home using videos while they faffed about, showered with them in the bath or playing on the floor, did hair and make up in the kitchen while they ate breakfast. While you need to supervise your child you don't need to be 100% focused on them all the time to the detriment of yourself.

I have a 2 year old and I find the time for self care. I do fake tan/gel nails/eyebrow tint at home, usually after DD is in bed, in front of Eastenders or whatever Netflix crap I’m watching at the time. It’s only an hour or so a couple of times a week but it makes me feel so much better. I do my makeup when she’s eating breakfast in her little chair thing.

If you’re not too allergic to popping them in front of CBeebies it’s also a lot easier to find time

Get DH to do more housework

I have 3 DC, youngest is 14 months (others are 5 & 7). I do gym 2 mornings a week, PT (with the baby) one day a week and running 2-3 times a week (with evenings and/or with the baby in a running buggy).

I struggle however with ‘looking’ good beyond that. Styling my hair happens max 2 times a week, make up is fairly rare too 😅

Oh @Glassofshloer I'd forgotten about fake tan! I used to do it twice a week and it made me feel so nice and healthy, and slimmer! I really want to get back into that again!