I get a dready feeling as Christmas approaches and I'm not sure why

[MintyGreenDream]

Brilliant Christmases as a child but since I've been an adult I've always felt a bit meh about it.Anyone else?

Absolutely. After lovely childhood Christmases and then enjoying ‘coming home’ as a young adult and having a very chilled, alcohol and food focused few days with family, the underlying unease is always there. I think it’s also to do with the thought of another year passing, and two of my grandparents died shortly before and shortly after Christmas (in different years) so there’s a sense of loss there and my mum has understandably struggled with being truly joyous at Christmas time since their deaths.

I’m hoping things change now I’m a parent. The last couple of years have been a write-off with a newborn and then last year with lockdown, so I’m hoping this year will be better!

I spent too many xmases at the pil's forcing myself to behave properly (I'm autistic) and feeling upset at being away from the comfort of my own home. I hated every minute of it. I can't be arsed with it anymore. I feel sorry for people who feel unhappy at xmas. There's way too much pressure to conform and spend money.

@parkheadparadise I'm so sorry 💔

I'm dreading Christmas because we are so skint. We are struggling just to pay bills, payments bouncing each day. No idea how we're going to afford presents & food & also DS1'S 13th birthday Let alone Santa experience/anything else. I've just started working 18.5 hours & not been properly paid yet, but when I do I think we'll be no better off than before- DS2 has autism & ADHD so I was receiving Carer's Allowance & extra Universal credit for that. That will go & I have to pay for travel into work & some childcare. But I really love my job.

My mum always hated Christmas. She was so stressed, depressed, got herself in debt to "give us a good Christmas" because the rest of the year was so shite and we lived in poverty. I was grateful for anything, and dutifully did my excited face on Xmas morning and all that, but it was always hard to pretend I didn't know how miserable my mum was. I'd much rather she was honest and said she felt the weight of it, and I would have told her that I would have been happy with much less as long as we all didn't have to pretend and if it meant she was happier and not in debt!

As an adult, I'm so conscious to not feel pressure to produce. I don't invite people for Xmas that I don't want to spend the day with. I don't cram lots of plans in. Our dinner is a simple roast, we don't go over the top to make anything perfect or the most special ever. I just aim for "nice" or "fun/enjoyment" and don't care about appearances. I'm probably more relaxed at Christmas than any other time of the year because I try and make it a time to relax and have a break from working and spend time doing silly fun stuff with the kids!

@ParkheadParadise I’m so very sorry.

A lot of what others have written really resonates with me, the need to ‘produce a Christmas’, not having enough time to do everything as I’d want it done because of work and life getting in the way, spending Christmas pleasing others and not myself. Feeling quite weepy just thinking about it to be honest, it’s overwhelming.

I’ve started shopping but everything is so expensive.

I feel completely on my own in terms of Christmas, even though I’m married. I can’t not do it, as I want it to be nice for the sake of the children.

Yes, every year except this one.

I made a promise to myself I wouldn't have that feeling this year, and that I would enjoy it.

So I saved all year (also was lucky enough to have a 2k windfall inheritance, some of which has gone towards Xmas this year and next.

I've made myself buy all the smaller presents for friends and family early. I've also completely done the dds stockings. I've bought a lovely book and pen and sat and made list after list. I bought and am reading Nigel Slaters Christmas book. It's working so far.

@Sparklingbrook

My friend used to say that she felt pressure to 'produce a Christmas', because the family expected it.

This is me, for 24 years I have had to fake it for DD it is exhausting. And the bleak January that comes after is even worse.

pleasantly surprised to see people in a similar boat. There's one thing i cannot stand; faux laughter and cheer being shoved down your throat for over a month while the corporations doing so wave a card machine in front of your face doesn't quite bring the 'christmas spirit' for me anymore.

though i am a cynic.

(my dh does absolutely nothing towards Christmas apart from add some money to the pot)

I feel like this. Staying home for Xmas like the last three years. Really not looking forward to it. My husband is ever so grumpy and my closest family is abroad. There is now way I want to go Christmas shopping. My local shopping centre is a horror. Still need to make a bit of an effort because of my teenagers. Want to fast forward to April tbh.

@ParkheadParadise

I actually hate Christmas since my dd died. Dd2 is 6 and sooo excited about Santa she makes it bearable. Every year I buy a beautiful wreath and go to the cemetery on Christmas day and think another Christmas without you. Hogmanay is worse I always go to my bed before the bells.

I'm so sorry for your loss I can't even begin to imagine what Christmas must be like for a grieving parent. I'm glad you are able to find some happiness with your DD6- I have one the age too xx

I almost posted the exact same thing a few days ago but thought I'd get flamed. I hate that I've already had enough of Christmas and it's not even December yet. It just feels relentless for what is essentially one day in the year. I don't have a partner or kids and since my mum died I've tried to make it happen for immediate family but to be honest I would just rather ignore it and get on with life!

I get really frustrated that everything stops in the bit between Christmas and New Year - I don't enjoy sitting around watching the same old shit on TV for days on end. I'd much rather be out walking in the countryside or doing something I enjoy, but there's this expectation of spending time with family that I can do any time of year.

It feels like a charade to be honest, like we're all putting on an act yet we'd all love to be honest with each other and admit we find it hard work. I can't get excited about seeing Christmas adverts from particular companies because they are just commercial tripe and I don't understand why people can't grasp this.

My mum was in hospital the Christmas before she died and I think it's just ruined it for me. I'd much rather it was all low key with a nice meal, maybe a mulled wine in the pub. None of this excess and getting oneself into horrific debt in the process. It's madness.

I don't have a partner or kids and since my mum died I've tried to make it happen for immediate family but to be honest I would just rather ignore it and get on with life!

Then do that! You have no obligation to anyone. Do what makes you happy - go for the walks!

Because I feel a terrible guilt for not wanting to do it! I feel guilty about leaving my dad on his own (my brother often does his own thing). I am going to have an honest conversation with my dad this year and say that I find it really hard and find out if he's really bothered about it. I have a feeling that he doesn't much care for it either but again, it's the expectation that you'll be doing something "because it's Christmas"!

@dubyalass

I almost posted the exact same thing a few days ago but thought I'd get flamed. I hate that I've already had enough of Christmas and it's not even December yet. It just feels relentless for what is essentially one day in the year. I don't have a partner or kids and since my mum died I've tried to make it happen for immediate family but to be honest I would just rather ignore it and get on with life!

I get really frustrated that everything stops in the bit between Christmas and New Year - I don't enjoy sitting around watching the same old shit on TV for days on end. I'd much rather be out walking in the countryside or doing something I enjoy, but there's this expectation of spending time with family that I can do any time of year.

It feels like a charade to be honest, like we're all putting on an act yet we'd all love to be honest with each other and admit we find it hard work. I can't get excited about seeing Christmas adverts from particular companies because they are just commercial tripe and I don't understand why people can't grasp this.

My mum was in hospital the Christmas before she died and I think it's just ruined it for me. I'd much rather it was all low key with a nice meal, maybe a mulled wine in the pub. None of this excess and getting oneself into horrific debt in the process. It's madness.

Why can't you make Christmas how you want it then? Make it low key! Is there a reason you can't do what you want?

Why can't you make Christmas how you want it then? Make it low key! Is there a reason you can't do what you want?

It's hard when you are hosting and have other people to consider especially children and extended family. The food is the biggest cost - because you want to see very one happy and a lovely meal. We are all under the same roof only a few times a year and Xmas is one of them, this year though I am planning that the older children will take on some duties as I'm getting older I can feel I don't have the capacity or inclination for it all.

Why can't you make Christmas how you want it then? Make it low key! Is there a reason you can't do what you want?

See above - guilt and misplaced sense of obligation! I’m starting to realise that nobody seems to feel that sense of obligation towards me, though, which makes it easier. It’s already about as low key as it can be without cancelling the lot!

I do actually like a lot of the seasonal celebration side of things (mainly the food and drink) and seeing friends and family. I like making and decorating the cake etc. It just seems to cause a disproportionate amount of stress for what is essentially one day.

I am definitely conflicted about it all.

God, definitely don't host if you feel like this!

@dubyalass Just step off that roundabout. Life is too short. Try one year, just this one where you do what you want - if the guilt is too much and you'd rather have the stress, well then pick it up again next year. What's the worst that can happen?

for you Parkhead. We had a loss in the extended family on the 23rd a few years ago and it has changed the feel around Christmas, I can't imagine how amplified that must be when it's a child.

[quote TammyTwoSwanson]@dubyalass Just step off that roundabout. Life is too short. Try one year, just this one where you do what you want - if the guilt is too much and you'd rather have the stress, well then pick it up again next year. What's the worst that can happen?[/quote]
I tried that last year and bloody Johnson scuppered my plans by putting us into Tier 4, the fucker! 😂

But yes, you are right!

If you look at previous Christmas threads, you will see that everybody celebrates in their own way. Some mums spend all day in pyjamas watching tv, and have an Indian carry out for Christmas dinner - completely stress free, no pressure of expectation! Their DC don't seem to feel they are losing out.
You really shouldn't take on anything out of guilt or obligation - only do the bits you actually enjoy.
My favourite bits of Christmas are the ones that involve little or no cash or preparation. Going carol singing round the village on a frosty night. Attending the magical Watch night service on Christmas Eve, celebrating the birth of Christ with a cheery congregation, many of whom have come via the pub!
Seeing my adult DDs and their partners.
Picking holly and ivy in the garden to decorate the house. Having a glass of mulled wine in front of a crackling log fire.
Don't bust a gut trying to produce an Instagram Christmas - the only ingredients you need are a sense of wonder and a loving heart to welcome the Christ child. The rest is window dressing.

I went to the shops today. And felt a bit sick at all the excess
All the shite packaged up as "gifting" as if some Baileys branded mugs or plastic toys in plastic packaging for this years tv show was going to help anyone

Try not to buy into the commercial crap. You have full permission to ignore it. Have a relaxing day in bed and a low key meal. Maybe see some friends, maybe not.

I have a toddler and worry about telling him a bunch of lies about a fantasy dude with a beard. I don’t want him to be the one to bust his mates buzz at school but equally it seems kind of fucked up to lie to your kids about the existence of a fantasy figure in order to justify overeating and overspending. Why do we do that?