Egg freezing - can't make up my mind?

[sophie5418]

I would never have considered going for egg freezing (too expensive and scary), except now my employer is willing to pay the bill.

Me and my husband (mid 30s) can't decide if we want kids in the future. Right now is a definite no, but who knows if in future we will change our minds.

I thought of embryo freezing as a way to extend my fertility window, but I'm aware there's OHSS and other health risks, as well as being an invasive procedure (egg collection, ouch!)

I have already started the meds but having second thoughts now :(

Thoughts?

Have you considered the ethical implications should you not wish to use your embryos? Xx

@TakeYourFinalPosition I will be paying the annual costs myself. My employer is only paying the cost of the actual treatment (I haven't actually asked about storage costs, but I think it's fair that I pay them)

Well I had the first shot and so far happy with my decision to go ahead still... it wasn't that bad. I just hope I don't regret it come egg retrieval day!

I’ve done three cycles, it really isn’t so bad. The sedation was very pleasant in fact.
It’s a great option for you to have.

Thank you for all the encouragement!

@OinkPinkPonk I'm hoping my EC will be like yours. I don't mind some cramping but I think I scared myself reading too many horror stories. It seems that for every story that turned out OK someone else ended up in agony!

@Fet2021duejuly2022 “I would just have a baby now”. What, just have a baby she doesn’t want? Just in case she might regret it later? That’s spectacularly bad advice. OP doesn’t want a child now and might not ever want a child. Freezing embryos is a much better solution than bringing an unwanted child into the world!

I’m not grasping the ethical considerations you’re alluding to.

I’m assuming from your username you’ve had ivf. Unless you asked the doctors only to create one embryo (max) at a time then you’re being a little hypocritical. Most people who have ivf aim to create a few embryos to freeze as a backup. Why is this different?

Agree with pp it’s time to decide now if you’re in your kid 30s. You need to accept that if you don’t decide now you may not have the choice in future. It’s entirely up to you but I do think you need to make a decision sooner rather than later to avoid regret and make some degree of peace either way. x

Consider that it might give you a false sense that you have "plenty of time" to decide, given that success rates are low.

Consider that if your relationship breaks down, your DH could refuse permission for the embryos to be used. (I have known this to happen IRL)

Be aware of the live birth rates.
Be aware that if frozen embryos your husband would also need to consent to using them (eg if you split up you will probably be unable to use them).

One potential harm is that freezing embryos gives you a false sense of security, when you might have otherwise made a decision now.

@Dexy007 In ivf I have used all of my embryos so it is totally different from someone who is creating them just in case they fancy it down the line. I’m not against anyone freezing their eggs btw. I know what a huge decision having children is, but what I realised is that once you’ve had children you think what was all the fuss about, I should have had them sooner. Having children is the best thing that can happen to a person and if this woman is going to the huge trouble of freezing her eggs (at an older age too) it just makes me think she should just get on with it and save herself loads of money.

@sybillalle

Consider that it might give you a false sense that you have "plenty of time" to decide, given that success rates are low.

Consider that if your relationship breaks down, your DH could refuse permission for the embryos to be used. (I have known this to happen IRL)

I think these are important considerations. There was a court case about this where the woman was refused use of embryos as partner no longer wanted a child.

Worst case scenario thinking here but is it possible to freeze some eggs alongside the embryos? Just incase you split from your partner and want to have a child with someone else and need the eggs without his genetic material attached. Something to think about - would be supremely annoying to go through all of this and then end up not being able to use them just when you want them the most.