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Original poster

where do you get the time and energy to do stuff?!

31 replies

donttelme · 21/11/2021 08:17

I have 3 DC, youngest is preschooler and others at primary. I work school hours and do all the cooking, cleaning, kids stuff. We have a mad dash after school to get ready to be dropped off at club at 5 till 7. After which I just want to spend the rest of the evening lying on my bed.

I look forward to the weekend but I end up not really doing anything productive then too. I just feel tired all the time and exhausted mentally too. I find life boring as well which doesn't really help with my motivation either.

There's a million little things I'd like to start but don't and would love some tips to help me get out of this.

I have been to the doctor's recently about feeling tired and bloods came back fine.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 21/11/2021 08:20

Think of something you enjoy and find an outlet.
Perhaps a regular time slot would help with this - maybe once a week.
If you love something you find the energy and it actually helps you feel more lively in general.

Heruka · 21/11/2021 08:23

Do you have a partner? And if so why are you doing all of the cooking and cleaning? Agree carving space is needed, but that takes a discussion with partner or other supports.

delilahbucket · 21/11/2021 08:24

Your lack of motivation is likely causing your lack of motivation. I don't have three kids but I do work 8:30-6:30 Mon-Fri and often a full day Saturday too, and keep on top of all the necessary life stuff and I still go out with friends, do things with DH/DS, sing in a choir and go to performances, run and much more. If you just go do you will find the motivation to do.

Auntycorruption · 21/11/2021 08:27

It's really hard.

Your kids do clubs until 7pm every night?

Are you a single parent? If not what time does partner get back from work?

junebirthdaygirl · 21/11/2021 08:28

It's a very busy stage of life but it won't always be like this. When your little one starts Primary will anything change? You do have a very busy day so could you look at reducing anything?
Why are dc going to clubs every evening? Could you at least take one day off? How about your dh..could you get some exercise when he gets in? Go for a walk, run or an exercise class. I find exercise is the best way to lift your mood even if the thoughts of it is hell! I would make this number one as its space for yourself so good mentally even more than physically.
Can you meet a friend, child free at weekend for coffee to get some chat and adult time.
Take pressure off yourself about starting new things as the frustration of not doing it is only adding to your stress. Remember life won't always be this busy. When they are all in Primary send them to after school at least one evening a week to get some own personal time.

Howshouldibehave · 21/11/2021 08:30

Your lack of motivation is likely causing your lack of motivation

probably Grin

I feel like this, OP-shattered all of the time. Having young kids doing loads of activities plus working, is really hard. I try to get as many early nights as I can (boring I know, but it does help) and try to plan a few nice (but not exhausting) things to do at the weekends

sarah13xx · 21/11/2021 08:34

I’m off on mat leave now so life has majorly slowed down. When I was working before mat leave (and for years before) I used to come in from work every night, get a cup of tea, go upstairs and lie on my bed in darkness. I’m a teacher so I had listened to so much noise all day that I just loved being in silence. Now I look back I think how strange this was that I needed to do this everyday, sometimes it would be for hours. Now I’m off I have never once had to lie in my bed in darkness at any point, even though you’re supposed to be tired on mat leave. I blame my job for this. I was just surviving til the next holiday or weekend. It’s no way to live your life 🤦🏼‍♀️ Now that I’m off I’ve started a little hobby/business of something I can sell and I’m hoping I make enough off that to either only have to go there 2 days or ideally not have to go back at all!

Twickerhun · 21/11/2021 08:34

@delilahbucket

Your lack of motivation is likely causing your lack of motivation. I don't have three kids but I do work 8:30-6:30 Mon-Fri and often a full day Saturday too, and keep on top of all the necessary life stuff and I still go out with friends, do things with DH/DS, sing in a choir and go to performances, run and much more. If you just go do you will find the motivation to do.
Personally I find full /long days at work much less exhausting than working school hours and doing the early evening childcare.
Westfacing · 21/11/2021 08:36

As you work school hours I'm wondering why the children go to a club 5-7, presumably it's not childcare, and is it five nights a week?

MilkCereal · 21/11/2021 08:49

I feel you op! I'm in the process of dropping hours as I was ft and so was dh. Then dc were in after school club and activities- it's too much and life I'd too short.
So we told dc 1 weekday activity only (they do a weekend one too) they chose. Then 2 days they come straight home from school and it's a relaxing afternoon/evening for all. Honestly if I was you and did school hours I would cut activities to 1 night a week for primary kids, we do Beavers then swimming at weekend it works so much better.
As others have said make time for you- I've lost myself a bit and have no hobbies, hardly see friends and dint even read any more- literally work and be mum- it's time to take stock and stop it.
I also plan to bulk cook- so easy on the days we do that and dh just pulls a meal from the freezer! Also slow cooker on the days we do an activity, everyone can eat when they can!

Original poster
donttelme · 21/11/2021 09:24

Ok the club isn't something we can drop. It's 5 days a week 5 to 7. It's not really a club sorry but they absolutely cannot drop it.

DH comes home at 6. To be fair I actually have 5.15 till 7 without kids as I just drop kids off and someone else drops them off home. Despite this I just do a quick tidy and hoover of the house and clear away the dishes, DH comes home and then I slump on the bed till kids get home.

I wish I could spend that time doing something instead of feeling so tired.

OP posts:
delilahbucket · 21/11/2021 12:47

@Twickerhun yes you're probably right. I've never worked part time but I should imagine it's a bit of a false promise that it is easier.

@donttelme don't flop on the bed, go do something. You won't feel as tired. It's a choice to do or not do and you will feel better for doing something you enjoy and for you. There's plenty of evenings I think I cannot be bothered going to choir practice, I'm too tired, but I go anyway and I really enjoy myself and am glad I went.

ChocolateHoneycomb · 21/11/2021 13:31

@donttelme I feel similarly shattered and somewhat ‘done in’ - both dh &I have busy professional jobs, two dc - one with ASD.

Suggest thinking about

  1. Whatever this club that isn’t a club is, is it worth sacrificing your well-being for ? Does it include the preschooler? Given age of dc it can’t be elite sport or similar so wonder if it is a religious school or possibly language school. Who wants them to attend this…you or your dh or both? 7pm for a preschooler sounds late to me, even my 10yr old we try to get in bed at 8 on school nights.
  2. Schedule in time each week for a hobby or something else relaxing/fun
  3. Reduce work hours a bit
  4. Suggest dh reduces his work hours

Good luck!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/11/2021 13:35

I was going to suggest what ChocolateHoneycomb has said.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/11/2021 13:37

You could maybe do a bit of yoga in the free time but before the kids get dropped off.
It might de -stress you a bit?

Silverswirl · 21/11/2021 13:43

Ok so firstly I’m sorry you are feeling like this.
What is the club? I’ve never heard of any clubs that run 5 days a week?
So are you making dinner and getting them to eat it before setting off to this club?
Is bedtime hard? I know it’s exhausting with my 3.
Could you consider dropping hours to 4 days a week to give you one day to get other things done? Meet with a friend or go for a walk / shopping etc.
I think if I were you I would make a couple of days 5:30-6:30 an hour to tackle something productive. Then you can relax.
Weekends I would make one day a family going out day. Find something exciting for you and the kids to do and see. The other day is for relaxing or jobs

CrimeJunkie01 · 21/11/2021 13:53

I find that the more I do the easier I find to do it. When I have a less full on day I just can't seem to get my arse in gear. I have 3 kids and have always worked full time and had at least one voluntary role and I also work a second job at weekends. I'm also a carer for my aunt.

I feel like I haven't had a day off for years, but I had a bit of a break a few months ago due to a number of family crises and now I have dropped to a 9 day fortnight at my full time work so that I get a bit of me time. I still do the hours but I've 9 days not 10. I also hired a cleaner 6 years ago and find this really helps.

I run 3 times a week and outsource anything I can't be arsed to do!! 🤣

36degrees · 21/11/2021 13:53

Coffee and a vague notion that this gets easier some day.

GoodVibesHere · 21/11/2021 13:57

How can the kids all be at a club for 2 hours everynight? It doesn't make any sense, and would be exhausting for them too.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 21/11/2021 13:59

With three young children quite honestly I'd lower my standards, get the kids to help, do stuff once a week such as hoovering.
My one rule is that weekends are sacrosanct and I don't do any cleaning or other work then, however tired I am I'll do it during the week so there is family time at the weekend.

Oblomov21 · 21/11/2021 14:04

Do you enjoy your job? Do you exercise, have a hobby and go out with friends? Where's your joy? Just because your bloods came back to GP as ok doesn't mean all is ok.

StolenAwayOn55thand3rd · 21/11/2021 14:13

don't flop on the bed, go do something. You won't feel as tired. It's a choice to do or not do and you will feel better for doing something you enjoy and for you. There's plenty of evenings I think I cannot be bothered going to choir practice, I'm too tired, but I go anyway and I really enjoy myself and am glad I went.

This…

I also think this 5-7 thing (also assuming something religious?) should really be reduced to give you relaxed evenings as a family. How does the preschooler cope?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/11/2021 14:13

You need to proactively plan. Try reading how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It changed my life.

mumtoallbhoys · 21/11/2021 14:13

I am in exactly the same situation and feel exhausted too. The morning school run is hard work, then I need to cram paid work in, various collection times. Always somewhere to be and that makes it hard relax when you have 55 minutes to kill with a 3 year old in tow... all the cooking and people hanging out of you. I was less tired when I worked full time. Then I often have to work for an hour in the evening.

Morgan12 · 21/11/2021 14:13

Can you not say what the club is?

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